Project Runway Episode 5: I Kinda Want to Punch My TV...

Here's how last night went down. My friend Cupcake came over to watch Project Runway with me. She brought yummy snacks, bruchetta and cookies, and I had the wine. We chatted for a while about this and that and then pressed play on the DVR for what I was hoping would be a fun little episode of one of our favorite TV shows. Wow, were we wrong. So usually my process is pretty time consuming. I sit down with a pad of paper, a pen, a glass of something alcoholic, and I start. There is a lot of pausing and restarting and rewinding. Although the episode is one a a half hours, it usually takes me about two and a half to finish watching the episode. I didn't want to subject Cupcake to this annoying way of watching the telly, so I was actually a little excited to sit and watch one of my favorite shows like a normal person. Then the show started and I wanted to gouge my eyes out with popsicle sticks.

After cupcake left, I took a break, laid down with Boyfriend, and played some Toobz (my favorite App game) and tried to relax, but in the back of my mind I knew I needed to re-watch PR and take notes. So I got out of bed, turned the lights back on, and sat down with my notebook. I got 14 minutes into the episode before I just couldn't go any further. I quit. Pretty much this recap is going to be a little different. My Bad. I just couldn't...

This weeks challenge is to split up into two teams of six and create a cohesive 6 piece line bases on trends for fall 2010. Since Straight Michael won last weeks challenge he gets to pick his first team member and picks Gretchen, and then Gretchen never shuts the F up for the next hour and a half and I want to turn in my vagina and just give up on my gender. April sums it up nice, "Michael Costello (Straight Michael) is such a dumb ass for choosing Gretchen. Do you want to hire Hitler?" Here are the teams...

Team "Menswear for Women in Camel"
Straight Michael
Gretchen
Christopher
Andy
Ivy
AJ

Team "Military Lace"
April
Mondo
Gay Michael
Valerie
Casanova
Peach

Then they go to Mood and we learn that Mood has a doggie that roams the store named Swatch. And that's cute.

Back in the work room we get 40 minutes of Gretchen, Ivy, Andy, AJ, and Christopher (who I still never remember) bitching about how horrible Straight Michael it. He can't sew, can't cute fabric, can't design... He might as well just jump off a cliff and save himself the bullet he sucks so much at life and making ugly camel clothes. Gretchen is the total ring leader. She is bitchy, snarky, I hate her condescending bangs, and just down right mean.

The only other thing going on that gets any air time at all is Casanova's melt down. Tim comes in a says he is worried that Casanova's look is again looking old and Casanova throws himself down on the couch and says he is going to quit. Oh and he does this in an outfit that is totally Kermit the Frog meets Buddy the Elf meets... Gay. It's fabulous. Eventually his teams convinces him to get his flamboyant and kinda whinny bum back to work.

Runway time. In a huge underdog victory, Team "Military Lace" wins. Although the judges seem to like it and they award Casanova the win for his white pants and lace top, the collection is pretty tacky. Like KMart tacky.

While the winning team is on the runway getting their praise. Team Loser, team "Menswear for Women in Camel", team "We kiss up to Gretchen for some ungodly reason" is chilling in the back room devising a runway plan. Their plan, suggested by Evil, Evil Gretchen is, "We Stand United" in other words, no one is going to throw anyone under the bus and they are going to stand by what they made.

So, of course, five minutes after they land on the runway the back stabbing begins and who starts it, Witchy Witch Gretchen. She throws Straight Michael under the bus and then so does everyone else. Heidi and Michael are confused because, as they say numerous times, Straight Michael has immunity and can't be Awf-ed, so why do they keep bringing him up. Finally Judge Michael totally calls Gretchen on her bullshit. First she thought there was nothing wrong with their beautiful collection and then she's throwing teammates under the bus and calling their work crap. For this she is in the bottom two with AJ, but they end up sending AJ home.

I think its important to say that yes, I understand this is Reality TV. I get that there are producers and editors cutting and splicing hours of film to make this hour and a half episode. I still think Gretchen is a horrible human being and I am proven right by Tim Gun. When AJ is kicked off he comes back into the waiting room to say goodbye to everyone. Then Tim steps up and says, “I don’t know why you allowed Gretchen to manipulate, control, and bully you. I don’t understand it. A.J., you’ve taken the bullet, and now I have to send you to the workroom to clean up your space.” Gretchen is a horrible human being and I hope to God next week's episode is back to funny hats, but I think it's going to be a "real woman" challenge and I'm okay with that too.

(If you want to see the really ugly collections go to Lifetime.com. They are too gross to clutter up my awesome blog.)