Yeah… hospital week is done. I actually have another story, but I think I’m going to save it for later. As funny as it is, no stomach pumping story is going to beat “The worst, most awkward, most embarrassing story of my life”. In all reality I’m still sort of emotionally exhausted from that post. When Boyfriend got home yesterday our conversation went something like this…
Me: “I need to tell you something.”
Boyfriend: “What?”
Me: “It’s what I blogged about today and it’s kinda embarrassing…”
Boyfriend: “More embarrassing than the time you wanted Joe Boxer smiley face shorts and see through white track pants?”
Me: “Totally.”
Boyfriend: “More embarrassing that the time you quoted Ian Malcolm from Jurassic Park in your Project Runway Recap?”
Me: “It was Ian Malcolm from The Lost World, and yes.”
Boyfriend: “More embarrassing…”
Me: “YES! I get it. I’m an embarrassing, awkward nerd.”
Boyfriend: “This one time in the middle of the night I went to the bathroom and after I washed my hands I accidentally dried them with toilet paper because it was the first thing my hands went to because I was half asleep.”
Me: “That story couldn’t even pick the lint between my story’s toes.”
Boyfriend: “What?”
Me: “Whatever. Listen to this…”
And then I told him the story.
Boyfriend: “So you wrote on your blog about your Pap Smear? Like details? Isn’t that a little… um… gross?”
Me: “I don’t think I made myself clear.”
Boyfriend: “You said ‘fingers inside me’?”
Me: “Well, yeah… But only for comedic affect.”
Boyfriend: “But, were they inside you?”
Me: “Yes, but…”
Boyfriend: “That’s gross.”
Me: “You don’t seem to be concentrating on the most important part of the story.”
Boyfriend: “It’s funny. You karate kicked your doctor. I get it. But can you please be a little less disgusting next time.”
Me: “My doctor getting the bloody nose was the funniest (yet most embarrassing) part of the story.”
Boyfriend: “You know what I mean.”
Me: “Yes sir. Not more ‘fingers inside me’ talk.”
Boyfriend: “Thanks, and your story is pretty F-ing funny.”
Me: “I know, right…”
And, because once upon a time when I started this blog I wanted it to be more and just embarrassing stories of me and a few of my friends, here is the recipe for the cocktail of choice in our home.
The Polish and a Pickle
Ingredients:
1 shot Dripping Springs Vodka (or any other quality Vodka for those who don’t live in central Texas)
1 Polish Pickle
Directions:
Drink the shot of Vodka. Take a bite out of the pickle. Enjoy.
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