We open this dramatic episode with Ivy passed out and on her way to the hospital. Evidently Ivy “smokes and drinks a lot of Diet Coke” so Gretchen and Valerie decide she must have passed out because of stress. I’m not quite sure why they brought up the Diet Coke, but maybe it was an AD placement like the PiperLime accessories wall. Turns out Ivy was just dehydrated. All is well and she gets back to the hotel room at 3 in the morning all watered up and with a fabulous idea to recreate a vision she had at the hospital room. Nothing says fashion like hospital wear.
Meeting with Heidi on the Runway!!!
Ladies and gentlemen today we have the crazy hat challenge! Philip Treacy (who spells his name all crazy like his hats and looks like a banker from the Midwest) has brought his amazing milliner creations onto the runway for the designers to be inspired by. Michael C (who from this point on will be identified as Straight Michael) calls this opportunity “the Holy Grail”. Yes! Bring on the Monty Python hats! Then Heidi brings all the models out in the outrageous head gears and the designers get to pick their model based on what hat they want to work with. Except everyone is totally boring and sticks with the model they have been working with even if they kinda don’t like the hat they are stuck with. They all use the “I’ve had such success with ______, I have to stick with her.” I want to scream at the TV, “Um maybe Gretchen and Valerie can say that, but all you other dopes haven’t even been in the top so where is this success???”
Sketching Time/Mood Visit!!!
Everyone seems pretty excited about their ideas and we hear a lot of “freaking amazing”, a David Bowie idea, and even some warrior talk. As usual Mondo is being Mondo and wandering around Mood waiting to hear “a million, trillion voices from the fabric”. Oh, and Ivy is taking inspiration from the hospital curtains because I know when I see hospital curtains I think high fashion dress to go with my fuchsia, 2 foot high hat.
Workroom!!!
Casanova wants to quit because his work sucks and he can’t handle the judges telling him his works sucks. Really he is just being a queen and he gets back to work on a dress to go with personally my favorite hat of the group. (A lime green and black upside down question mark.) Valerie forgot to buy a zipper and my first thought is if only that dude Jason was still around with his fashion corset because I bet there would be an extra zipper or two hidden somewhere around his fabulous waist. Lucky for Valerie, Ivy steps in and loans her one. Kristen then spends the whole day freaking out because she has to design a dress around an orchid hat. She is so… confused and doesn’t know what to make. Really? Designing around a flower is hard? Be lucky you weren’t around for the make a dress out of flowers challenge (Santino season) or the get inspired by the botanical gardens challenge (when Kenly made the dragon scales dress). Hello Georgia O’Keefe dress… Go! And Then Ivy eats a leaf… that will help. Wait, now Kristen loves her hat and is going to make a black dress. (headdesk) Somewhere her thought process went from “pretty orchid” to “I wore orchids in my hair when I got married” to “black dress”. Then she starts talking about sex and how flowers are like sex on a stick (or stem???) and then gets slapped in the ass by Casanova and she’s back to work.
Apparently it’s Father’s Day. Happy Father’s Day Straight Michael and… um… no one else.
Tim Visit!!!
Valerie is making a jacket with zippers, but more importantly she has a tape measure wrapped around her noggin like a hip head band. April is making hot shorts that look like a diaper. Then Tim says this gem to AJ, “The woman that can afford that hat can afford a poke-a-dot dress where the poke-a-dots line up.” Snap. Peach wants to make a short dress, but not short enough to show off the “good china”. Classy. Mondo has new glasses, again. Who the Hell is Christopher??? Tim calls Casanova’s dress “Donna Karen circa 1988” and Lifetime gives us DonDonDon scary music.
Later That Night at Atlas…
Trash Talk Time!!!
Gay Michael talks about Casanova’s old lady dress and I feel like he is stealing Tim’s thunder. Don’t steal Tim’s thunder. Gretchen is complete crap. Evidently this snobby attitude started last week after her two wins in a row. She is like that chubby girl (yeah, they’re all chubby) in my college classes that had an opinion about everything and would never ever just shit the F up. (Except this is fashion so she is skinny.)
Runway Morning!!!
Gay Michael spends too much time with hair and makeup making sure the “stay true to the hat.” Dude it dosen't take a rocket scientist or a master hair stylist to put her hair in a bun. Oh, God. Casanova is thinking Princess Laya hair. Remember the taste level, Casanova. I heart Mondo so much. He is giving his model a Tavi mustache. I also heart that Philip Treacy is positioning the hats on the models himself.
Runway!!!
Hahahahahah…. Heidi walks out onto the runway with a giant “upside down rose being rammed into her forehead” hat and “Kiss From a Rose” is playing over the speakers. Awesome.
AJ: This is very Ladies who Lunch meets Pretty Women. I can't tell if the poke-a-dots match up but it looks pretty well made. I feel like there could have been a little less tulle for my taste. I also don't see the connection between the hat and dress, but then I was thinking what I would have designed for this hat and I couldn't think of anything better. Safe.
Andy: The only thing I can think of when I see this dress is the movie Big Business with Bette Midler and Lily Tomlin. So in the movie both Bette and Lily play twins separated at birth and then end up meeting in New York at the Plaza hotel. Country Bette tries so hard to be fashionable and I believe she would have bought this in aheart beat. This had to have been Andy's inspiration.
April: Wow this chick has some serious balls. I actually see the whole "futuristic resort" thing she was going for, but I agree with the judges that she didn't take if far enough. And by "far enough" I mean far enough down her legs. Michael calls this the layered panty look and all the judges end up hating it. I am glad the let her squeak by to the next round because at least she was creative. Oh and does anyone think that April is like Anne from ANTM way back when during the season Eva won? I mean doesn't she just scream weird artsy college volleyball player??? Anyone???
Casanova: This hat is still may favorite, and the dress isn't bad. I think this is the first challenge where I can really see that Casanova can sew. Granted he is sewing a dress from 20 years ago, but at least the man has some skills. I love the bright lip, but pink lip stick can't be the best thing about the outfit if you want to win.
Christopher: All of the designers love this and I don't get it. Why the belt and leggings and giant boots??? I feel like all the accessories take away from the prettiness of the dress/coat thing. You really can't even see the model under all that crap. To quote Ian Malcolm from Jurassic Park's sequel The Lost World, "It's so agreeable to be proven right." The judges hate this! Michael says that the hardness of the accessories and the curtain dress take away from the softness of the hat and I couldn't agree more. Christopher, Sir, you are in the bottom three, but safe to come back another day.
Gretchen: Obviously she isn't winning since we haven't had to hear her talk about how wonderful she is all freaking episode long. She made crazy jopher legging things and a tunic I think I saw at Macys the other day. I hate Gretchen so I don't want to talk about her stupid look anymore. The hat is totally awesome, though. It reminds me of when I was in 3rd grade and a part of Odyssey of the Mind. We did a skit about the Trojan War and made helmets from plastic plant pots with feather things running the length of the head made out of coffee filters. That is the Philip Treacy version of my OM helmet.
Ivy: Dude this girl has on an amazing hot pink Malibu Barbie hat and she made a hospital curtain suit thing. Go Away Ivy.
Kristen: Okay, answer me this. If this dress is support to be sex, why would Kristen put a red piece of fabric coming out from in between the models legs? She talked so much about the symbolism of an orchid and then she made an poorly made Jessica McClintock "Aunt Flow" dress. The judges don't like it either and put her in the bottom three where Nina disses her matchy matchy flower shoes. Philip Treacy brings up the very good point that if she was trying to make a flowy dress to match a fragile flower hat, why would you make it out of heavy black satin. For this, Kristen is sent home.
Straight Michael: Pretty but boring handkerchief dress. Casanova brings up the point that every girl in Puerto Rico has ten of these dresses in their closets. I had a few about 5 years ago so the fact that they are popular in Puerto Rico now makes since. I'm not sure if I like the colors together, but maybe the color combination is a little too sophisticated for me. The judges love this look!!! Nina likes the nude shoes and Philip Treacy likes that he brought the look together by the iridescence-ness of the hat and dress. (This seems hard to see on TV and in the pictures.) Turns out they really love it and he is the winner!!!
Gay Michael: OMG I love this wacky look!!! The top looks like it is made out of perforated card bored, and the skirt... it's a crinkle skirt. AKA a broomstick skirt. My mom had like ten of these back in the day and I had one with the ABCs on it. Props Gay Michael, Props. The judges love it too, even after Gay Michael describes his hat as warrior/farmer (my favorite kind). He also goes on about the sun in his outfit and what represents the sun??? This tiny little gold belt you can barely see. Boyfriend calls this look "American Gothic" and I totally agree.
Mondo: Mondo, Mondo, Mondo... this is ridiculous and yet I still kinda love it. You can do no wrong in my heart. I love how nothing goes together and that you have a since of humor in your design. The pants are a little high wasted in my opinion, but whatever. Please more mustaches in the future.
Peach: One of the coolest hats goes to one of the dumpiest designers. It's a complete Lilly Pulitzer knock off that has nothing to do with the hat. Sorry Philip I too feel your pain.
Valerie: I was excited to see this look because she began by describing it as David Bowie from The Labyrinth and talked about making a cool white leather jacket with lots of zipper detail. Where is that look? Because that's the look I want to critique. I just think this is disappointing because I was expecting more. The judges like it, though, and put Valerie in the top three. And then they go on to describe the jacket.. "Hello it's not a jacket!!! It's a vest... maybe, but not a jacket!!!" The judges call it hard yet sexy and Michael likes the geometric hem. Philip Treacy doesn't see the connection between hat/mask thing and the dress. This got me wondering if you think he has preconceived notions of what the outfits should look like because he's spent so much time on the hats. What do you think???
BTW: Ivy is a bitch and I hate her (and Gretchen) for not being happy for Straight Michael's win. I stood up for her Asian Ass during the first challenge when she sucked and now she's judging other people when she can't even make it into the top three???
Next Week: Team Challenge and a whole lot of tears...
Amazing, love em all.
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