(Michelle – this is for you)
A question I’ve gotten a lot since becoming single is, “What is your type?”. It’s like every person thinks I’m going to say, “tall, dark, and handsome” and then they will pretend to think for a moment and all of the sudden have a great idea to set me up with their roommate’s boyfriend’s cousin and we will live happily ever after. My problem is for my type has never been about looks.
I know this sounds weird, but hear me out...
People say there has to be a physical attraction between two people for it work out. For love, and definitely lust, you need to be able to stare at your partner across the table and want to put your tongue down their throat. (I know, so romantic.) I completely agree with this just in a roundabout way. I have to be attracted to their personality first. I have to have shared a laugh and a funny story first. Then I’ll notice their eyes and think, “yup, he’s cute. I could make out with him”. I have never been the girl that notices a guy on the other side of the bar or party or classroom and says to her friends, "He's super hot I'm going to go make this happen". I'm the girl that all of the sudden notices that X friend is really cute because they spent the last ten minutes talking about backpacking through Alaska and then made a really corny joke about salmon.
For my entire life my type has been the following...
1. Has to be a little weird
2. Has to be extremely passionate about a few things in life (like obsessively so)
3. Needs to be so personable that he could make friends with a brick wall if need be
Seriously, ALL of my boyfriends have shared those personality traits. However, looks wise... they have all looked very different.
So where am I going with this?
Recently I started online dating.
What has been tricky with me and this new venture into true love over the interwebz is everything is based off of looks first and foremost. One site I’m on is only photos. You can see 5 photos of a person and if you have any common interests on Facebook. Based on those photos you say “yes” or “no” to them. If you have said “yes” and they have also said “yes” (to photos of you) then you have the option to chat with them. It’s literally the adult version of “Hot or Not”. The other site is more traditional and there are questions to answer about yourself so you can learn things like what movies and books they like and what they like to do on a Friday night. But, even on this site all you see at first is their photo, so you have to decide based on looks to decide to click on their profile and take time out of your day to learn more about them.
Okay so here is my big reveal. What I’ve learned from shallow online dating...
I fucking LOVE me some beards!
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| OMG! Swooning over here... |
Seriously they are so sexy. Oh, you’re a candlestick maker who doesn't even own a TV but you have a beard like The Most Interesting Man in the World when he was 30. Yes! I love you. Please message me so we can meet, fall in love, and make adorable woodsy hipster babies. (except not really because y’all know how I feel about babies)
And it’s not a specific type of beard either. I love them all. Short. Long. Brown. Blonde. Even red. I know... I even love a ginger beard.
If you are interested in following my obsession, feel free to follow my “Sexy, Sexy Beards” board on Pinterest. Oh yeah, it’s real and amazing. Pinterest used to be for cute apartment decorating ideas. Not anymore. It’s pretty much turned into beard porn for me.
Yes, you read that right... BEARD PORN. I'm sure my parents are so proud of me.
I had no idea. I truly didn’t know my type before this experiment into dating via the web. I can now look my friends in the eye and say, “If you would like to set me up with your roommate’s boyfriend’s cousin, please make sure they have a fabulous beard. Extra points if they also wear a lot of flannel and can chop me some firewood.”
None of my past boyfriends have had beards. I need to make this happen. I think it’s got to do with being manly. I want a manly dude. I want someone that works with their hands and has a beard. I want someone that camps in the woods and can fish and make a fire without matches while sporting a fabulous beard. I want someone who cooks and swims in rivers with their beard. I want someone who owns books and can play an instrument and who isn’t afraid to sing while boycotting razors.
I’m taking applications if you know of anyone who fits these criteria. Please send beard photos first.
For you're viewing pleasure...
http://beardedmeninknittedthings.tumblr.com/page/15
http://www.buzzfeed.com/lukelewis/23-reasons-bearded-men-are-better
http://pinterest.com/elainehaygood/sexy-sexy-beards/
