If I Write an Embarrassing Story About You, It's Because I Love You...

Best Friend’s wedding was amazing! The Bachelorette Party was fun, silly, and exactly what Best Friend wanted her night with her closest friends and family to be. The Rehearsal Dinner had great food and even better company as friends met family and one family met another family. I cried the entire time during the actual ceremony. My best friend could not have looked more beautiful. My favorite part was when her father sang Avi Maria while she and her new husband placed roses at the feet of the Virgin. I love all of Best Friend’s family and her father has always been a second father to me, reminding me to say “sir” and “ma’am”, being proud of my accomplishments, and chastising me when I’ve made mistakes. I met Best Friend when her father worked two, sometimes three, jobs to give her and her siblings everything they wanted and deserved. They have an amazing relationship of respect and love and I know him singing from the choir of the gorgeous Catholic Cathedral they were married in is something she will never forget... And the reception… pretty much the greatest party ever!!! It was complete with funny toasts, yummy food, amazing cakes, awesome wedding band, and dancing all night long. Thanks to Best Friend and Best Friend’s Husband for allowing me to be a part of their special day.

All of the wedding events allowed me to spend time with friends I don’t always get to see and meet new friends who I hope to get to know even more. I can’t tell you how awesome it was to hear from so many of you that you are reading my blog and that you like it. Seriously, it totally makes my day. I work a job that has zero creative factors, and the hour or two I spend writing just lets me open that other side of my brain. Again, thank y’all so much.

And the stories… just hanging around new people and friends from the past brought up so many stories I need to turn into blog posts. So many embarrassing nights and hilarious events, so many stories to post in cyber space so I will never forget how weird and awkward I am and what great friends I have.

And now, one of those stories...

Besides Best Friend, who I have known since seventh grade, Davis Girl definitely knows me the best. Although we went to High School together (for our freshmen year and our senior year) we didn’t really become close friends until we lived together for three years in college. I’m pretty sure when you live with someone in your early twenties you either become lifelong friends or you that person ends up on your shit list. Davis Girl, narrowly escaped the shit list route because we moved out into our own places just as it was becoming way too hard to keep living with someone so anal and a little OCD. (My side of the story… Davis Girl will have to start her own blog if she wants people to hear about my awful hygiene habits.)

One time in college our other roommate and I convinced Davis Girl to take her top of in the car driving to get tacos at 2 in the morning. Since she was 21 and drunk, of course she was all for it. So here is the scene… Boy roommate’s bright blue late nineties mustang, Davis Girl is in the front passenger seat and I’m sitting behind her in the back. Sober Boy Roommate is driving. Things that had already happened this night… Davis Girl wore her science lab goggles for a good while at the bar. It was definitely a Toodies kind of night. (You know those nights you can’t hear Possum Kingdom enough… well we had those nights and this was one of them) Oh, and then she danced on a bar… but she did that a lot so it wasn’t that big of a deal.

Anyway we are driving maybe three miles down the road and Boy Roommate and I convince Davis Girl it would be so hilarious if she took her shirt off and rode to the taco stand topless. (Yeah, I know we are just too funny.) Davis Girl, or Davis Girl’s Tequila Aided Mind decided this was a good idea, so off came her top. Now we’re on a side street about .75 miles from our house, Boy Roommate cranking up the tunes, Davis Girl laughing in her nakedness, and me… just along for the ride and yummy trailer food when all the sudden I hear a siren over Bob Schneider and see flashing lights when I turn around. Yup, we are being pulled over. I start cracking up. Really this situation was too much for my alcohol having brain. I could not stop laughing because for the first time in my life… at least the first time I could remember, something embarrassing was happening to someone other than me and I wouldn't even be the one getting a ticket. I wasn’t too worried for Old Roommate because A: he really wasn’t drunk (I promise I’m not just typing that because my parents might read this) and B: we were on a small side road. I mean how much over the speed limit can you really go down a road with speed bumps at 2 AM?

As soon as Davis Girl’s drunk face realizes what it happening she panics!!! (Okay stop. Time out. I think I need to explain the shirt she decided to wear that night because God totally loves me. I actually help Davis Girl pick it out from Ann Taylor where I worked at the time. I think the fact that the shirt was from The AT makes this story even better. It was bright teal and had spaghetti straps. Not two straps. Not four straps. Not six straps. But eight mother f-ing spaghetti straps!!! Four straps started on each side of the shoulder and crisscrossed in the back creating a virtual web of confusion. Seriously, when she wore it I half expected “Some Pig” to be written across her back. These death trap straps plus the built in shelf bra made a Bachelor Degree required to figure out how to put this ridiculous piece of fashion on. Okay. Time in.) Davis Girl goes from giggling about her situation to full on panic mode in about 3.1 seconds. Just long enough to look down at her naked tatas and realise that being topless when the cop gets to the car might... maybe... could sorta... be a bad thing.

3.1 seconds later...

Davis Girl: "Help. Shit. Help. Wait. Cop. Shit. Cop. Help."

Boy Roommate: "Dude, put your shirt back on right now!!!"

Me: "Hahahahahaha. Oh Davis Girl... your shirt. You've got to cover those glorious boobies..."

Davis Girl: "I'm trying..."

The thing is I was cracking up in the back seat, but Davis Girl was really trying to put on that evil shirt of death. She couldn't help it that she was trashed and she didn't have a Bachelor of Arts in Obnoxious Shirt Wearing. At this point the cop has pulled over and parked behind us on the side of the road...

Boy Roommate: "Davis Girl I swear to God you are going to get me a ticket. Put on your fucking shirt!!!"

Davis Girl: "I'm trying..."

Me: "Here let me help you." (Because two drunk people trying to dress someone in the Impossible Rubik's Cube tank top is totally going to make the process easier.)

6 seconds later...

Boy Roommate: "You have 2 second before I have to roll down this window and talk to a law enforcer and I'm not going to jail because you can't dress yourself the way every 5 year old does every morning."

Davis Girl: "I got it... I got it..." (yeah... she didn't)

The cop came to Boy Roommates window, leaned in and this is what he saw...

I have to give it to her, one side of the shirt was almost put on correctly. The other side however... not so much. Straps were going everywhere and her arm was stuck in one of them so she had to hold her arm up or have that side of the top fall down completely. So the entire time the cop was at Boy Roommate's rolled down window Davis Girl is trying extremely hard to play off the fact that she can't put her arm down by leaning against the window. Yeah... the cop's first question, "Sir, Have you been drinking???"

Boy Roommate: "I swear I haven't, but I can't speak for these two."

Me: (snickersnicker...gigglegiggle)

Davis Girl: (headrub)

The cop was probably at the window for about five minutes. I think he thought it was just as funny. It turned out that Boy Roommate didn't have his lights on fully, but on the fog setting, so the cop just wanted to let him know to turn them up. Right before he was about to get back into his squad car and leave our lives forever, he leaned froward to speak to Davis Girl...

Cop: "Ma'am you really need to put your seat belt on."

Me: "Hahahahahah"

Davis Girl: "Um... Ah... Yes Sir?"

(Now go back a look at the picture. Her right arm and hand are the ones right next to the seat belt, but she can't move those or her top will fall down and the cop will get an eye full of Davis Girl Lady Parts.) Davis Girl then spends the next few seconds trying to reach over her body to find the seat belt that is behind her arm she can't move. OMG Hilarious!!! The cop just chuckled to himself and walked away.


By the way: I swear my life doesn't revolve around tacos.

Second by the way: I have removed the older post about Boyfriend's weird stomach as he let me know the world doesn't need to know about his digestive system. To Boyfriend: I'm very sorry to put your tummy woes on the web and I apologise. Love you."