I seriously don’t really know where to start when talking about the Oscars. Red Carpet reviews? The hosting? Who won what? Who said what? The fact that Kurt Douglas might be the creepiest old guy ever? So many things are running though my head.
I guess let’s start at the beginning.
The Red Carpet
Mila Kunis gets an A+ in Elie Saab
I’ve already confessed my love for this girl and talked about how she might just be the prettiest thing ever, but she knocked it out of the park last night. At first I thought this was Rodart because of all the detailing and delicate layers, but no it’s Elie Saab. The color is gorgeous, the train in dramatic but not over the top (take notes Halle Berry), and yes, I even like the “boob tattoos” (as my sister called them). I love that she finally put some jewelry on, as that was really my only issue with her Globes dress. Yup, I love this.Scarlett Johansson gets a B in Dolce & Gabbana
If I judged Scarlett on the first split second I saw her he would have scored a whole lot higher than a B. I actually think this dress looks better in photos that it did last night on the televised Red Carpet. I love the color of the dress and red funky almost red eye shadow. My problem is that the dress is too tight. GO UP A SIZE! I mean she probably wears a size 2 (which is so curvy in Hollywood) but yet I can’t keep looking at her tummy in this photo. Also girl had, well, issues walking. Look, the Red Carpet is only 300 meters long, but young Hollywood should be able to walk those 300 meters not looking like me when I’m trying on shoes in Target and they’re held together by those elastic bands so people don’t switch the sizes and buy one size 6 for their right foot and an 8 and a half for their left. She was already handicapped this awards season by losing her delicious hunky husband, she doesn’t need to also be held back by her too tight dress.Amy Adams gets an F in L’Wren Scott
I hate this. I hate this so much. I’m sorry New Friend A because I know how much you love Amy and the color blue, but she is worst dressed on my list. Everything about this look is wrong. The dress is way to top heavy with the high neck AND cap sleeves. Between the high neck, necklace, and her hair down she has absolutely no neck. (And if I’ve leaved anything from watching 16 seasons of America’s Next Top Model you never what to lose your neck…) And her hair… it doesn’t look good. I’m sorry, but there is a reason for updos and this is it. Hair gets blown and pushed aside and flattened and smashed in the limo and it just goes limp outdoors in real weather. Some people have enough texture or body that they can fight against Mother Nature, but Amy Adams... not so much. I mean I get it. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve curled my hair and fought my natural straight flat hair, but the moment I step outside humidity is like, “oh Hell no!” and wah wah… limp Amy Adams hair. Oh, and the trend I loved the most on the Red Carpet last night was everyone wearing green gems, but I think her jewelry is over kill. Sorry. Yeah. I kinda hated the whole look.Hailee Stienfeld in Marchesa gets a B+
She has looked so adorable and well dressed at all the award shows this season that she was the one I was most looking forward to see last night. I like that she changed things up for the Oscars, but still looks like a young girl. It’s the first time she’s worn her hair up, but the head band still makes it young. It’s big and puffy, but not a floor length ball gown. And I would have killed for those shoes when I was 14. Actually I still might kill for those shoes…Nicole Kidman gets a D in Dior Couture
Let the napkin jokes begin! Excuse me; let the bedazzled napkin jokes begin! Boyfriend’s Sister called her “bottom heavy” while my own sister just asked, “WFT is Nicole Kidman wearing?” I answered her question as realistically as possible when I said, “A very ugly origami wedding cake, duh.” Okay, but enough with the jokes. I mean I get it. It’s Dior… Couture… it’s fancy. Nicole takes risks, blah, blah, blah. But what about her hair? Her bangs look like mine right now. They look like she can’t quite make up her mind if she wants to keep cutting them or grow them out so she’s trying the “push them to side the side” method. Like I said, I get it. I’m going that right now, but I know how to bobby pin them and hair spray them so they don’t spring up over your forehead like a Red Sea wave. Just saying.Penelope Cruz in L’Wren Scott gets an A
Amy Adam, this is how you wear L’Wren Scott. Penelope had a baby like 5 minutes ago and looks like this. FML.Natalie Portman in Rodart gets a B
Natalie looks very pretty, and the dress is very pretty. And you know home girl is all crazy excited to come and collect her Oscar who everyone already knows is hers, but still in the back of her mind (and probably in her feet) she really just wants to be at home on the couch demanding her slightly weird looking, dancing, baby daddy bring her more vegan ice cream. (If there is such a thing) I like it, but just like little Hailee I liked her Globes and SAG Awards dresses better. The color is beautiful on her and I LOVE the earrings, but I really wish the straps were thinner. Like, I wish they were just the width of the part with the beading. I get the she has pregnant boobies right now, but are they so big they need that much fabric? I don’t think so.Cate Blanchette gets an A in Givenchy Couture
Before you hecklers start screaming through your computers let me explain… First of all I AM A YELLOW WHORE! I can’t control it. Every spring bright yellow things start popping up in stores and I can’t reign myself in. I want yellow t-shirts, yellow throw pillows, yellow bath towels, yellow head bands, yellow nail polish… I can’t stop. I love this color and the pop of yellow on Cate’s dress is fun and unexpected and different! The back makes it for me. I know the front it a little… wonky. I’m not quite sure why she has a purple bead free bib on her boobs, but I don’t care. She looks amazing!My biggest question to your guys, besides what you thought about the dresses (obviously) is what y’all thought about the hosts? I liked Anne about 60% of the time, which is 50% more than I thought I would and I’m pretty sure James Franco was just stoned and wondering to himself, “wow these people actually let me do this” to himself the whole night. I’ve pretty much decided that James Franco and his buddies stay up really late one night of the year, get super, super high and try to figure out the most random things James could get paid to do for the next year.
Things on Jame’s “I’m high and might wanna do this later” list… (that he has actually done)
Saw my arm off on camera
Be a soap opera star now that I’m a huge movie star
Teach a class at an ivy league school about the wonders of being James Franco
Host the Oscars (why? BECAUSE I CAN!!!)
Oh, and I’ll probably have to do a review of Anne’s hosting dresses. (why? BECAUSE I CAN!!!)
I am there with you on all but, I cannot get there for Kate...Love her, love her hair, hate the dress. It looks like a brooch with no face on it. Kind of Pilgramy also.
ReplyDeleteI read that James was on the red eye flying back to NYC chugging a Bloody Mary...I guess he had to get back to Port Charles!
Agree with everything but Cate Blanchett, her dress looked like it had warts. And not the good kind of warts.
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