Random Thoughts: Birthday Candles, Real 1st Birthdays, and Freaky C Section Kids...

Since yesterday was Boyfriend’s Birthday I decided to be a nice girlfriend and I picked up a yummy dinner from Katz (which never kloses). Boyfriend is very particular about what he orders there. He always wants a number 3 Rick Barnes sandwich (which is corned beef and pastrami) but instead of breed he wants the meet in between two potato pancakes with a whole lot of sour cream on the side to dip it in. Yeah…

So, being the awesome GF that I am I got him his modified Rick Barnes and a slice of cheesecake with fresh strawberries. Really, it’s more like a hunk, a slab, a 5000 calorie chunk of the greatest cheesecake you will ever put in your belly. Hands down this is the best cheesecake I’ve ever had, and to make it more festive for Boyfriend’s Birthday I stopped by our local grocery store to buy a candle for him to blow out on top of his “straight from God’s bakery” cheesecake.

So here’s my random thought… why don’t we put candles in more things we eat?

I walked into Clarksville Grocery and bought a box of 20 candles. 20 candles! What am I going to do with 20 candles? Okay, I know that some people have a candle for every year they have been alive on their cake/cupcakes/cheesecake/birthday treat, but that gets a little ridiculous after like age 13. When you are 8, having 8 candles isn’t a big deal. Your mom still has enough time to light them all and carry your cake out to the table without all the wax dripping and half of them being blown out by the air conditioner, but by then time you get into your teen years, mom is just using a few candles to write out the number of how old you are. You might be turning 18, but your cake is only going to have 12 candles on it in the shape of an 18. So why were both boxes of candles in my grocery store big enough to hold 20 and 26 candles? It’s like the scene in Father of the Bride where Steve Martin gets all angry in the grocery store because he thinks they are ripping him off for making him buy 12 hotdog buns when there are only 8 hotdogs in a hotdog package. I use one candle a year. I am now set for Boyfriend’s next 19 birthdays. That means he will be turning 51 and I will still be using these damn candles!

My new strategy is put candles in everything! Why only get to blow out candles once a year? Why only have one wish every 365 days? Why not put candles in everything and therefore get a wish with every meal? I wouldn’t feel bad wishing for a new Marc Jabocs bag tonight if I knew that tomorrow I could wish for world peace. Leftovers would be much more exciting with candles. Left over half eaten salmon from dinner last night, boring. Left over half eaten salmon from dinner last night adorned with sparkly, bright pink trick candles that never go out, awesome.

Speaking of birthdays… Why isn’t our 1st birthday really our 2nd birthday?

Between Sister and a bunch of my friends having children, I’ve been invited to a whole lot of 1st birthday parties. Except really aren’t they the kid’s 2nd birthday? Technically, the day you are born is your birthday. Literally, the day you are born is your birthday. I mean you cannot get and more “birthday” than the actually F-ing day you were born! Every December 28th is not my birthday, it’s the same calendar day that I was born (this year) 26 years ago. So all those invitations I get should really say, “Come Celebrate Jonny turning 1 on his second birthday!” Or “Come celebrate Jonny turning 1 on the anniversary of his birthday.”

In continuing this post about birthdays, C Section kids really freak me out.

Before I get to the reasons why C Section kids are weird, let me state that I have no problem with most moms who have to have a C Section. I think modern technology to save a baby’s life or the mom’s life or help keep both of them healthy is amazing and what not. Blah, blah, blah… insert the politically correct thing to say.

What I have a problem with is people planning their children’s birthdays. I mean I think a mom making an appointment with her doctor in her little black book to schedule in major surgery to have their child on Thursday (their non busy day) is crazy. Now is it weird if the doctor told them that their kid has a giant head and can’t pass through the birth canal so they should schedule a C Section, no. But, I was talking about the kids themselves being freaky, not the mother.

I know I am weird, but when someone tells me they were a C Section kiddo I always wonder what they would have been like if they had been born on the day God and the stars and they decided they were good and ready to be born. Some kids come a few days early and some a few days late. Would I be an entirely different person if my mom had scheduled me to be born before Christmas on the 22nd? Seriously I think about this all the time and not just when I’ve had too much to drink and whatnot. Boyfriend is a C Section baby. If he was born on the natural day he decided he stewed long enough in his mother’s womb, would we be together? Would his laugh be the same? Would his mother changed her mind and named him Philip instead of Boyfriend?

Seriously this shit blows my mind.