I feel like I’ve had a hard time expressing who I am since I was a senior in high school. It was when I had just moved back to San Antonio from Germany and I quickly understood that I was different. I had been places and seen things and known people and been in situations that not a one of the 3500 people I went to school with understood. It made me incredibly lonely. The feeling was not of not having friends or of leaving behind a boy friend or a loved one, but of being around perfectly normal people (some of them being my very best friends still today) and knowing that no matter how hard I try to put certain things into words, I can never find the right ones to explain what it is like to grow up (because I believe I really did grow up in those two years in Germany) across an ocean. When I tried talking about it, about my life and experience, people quickly dismissed me. They either didn’t care to listen, didn’t know how to listen, were bored, or were jealous. At that point in my life, I don’t think I was strong enough know that the people who mattered in my life would listen and try to understand and I shouldn’t worry about everyone else. But I couldn’t comprehend that idea when I was eighteen so I just didn’t say much to anyone about how I really felt about anything. For a whole year I just buzzed along not saying much at all. I didn’t want to talk about the places I had been and the different experience I had seen because I thought people would think I was bragging and full of myself.
This feeling of, “am I saying too much”, this feeling of, “should I stop talking about myself” had haunted me ever since. As crazy as I can be sometimes, as hyper as I can be sometimes, I think of myself as a pretty reserved person. I’m an introvert. I like being by myself and I like thinking my thoughts and keeping them to myself. I’m used to this and it is easy for me. At work, I spend a whole lot of my day listening to other people talk about their lives and I’m okay with this.
The best part of the past three month and writing this blog has been slowly letting the idea that people will just think I’m always talking about myself or I’m bragging or I’m full of myself slip out the window. I’m learning that not only do people value what I have to say, but they look forward to hearing it. At Best Friend’s wedding so many people thanked me for making them laugh. I have gotten comments from people I don’t even know that are positive and that urge me to keep up the good work. And one other thing has happened. I feel like I’ve made a friend.
Making a friend is a big deal for me. You all read about how I forced Best Friend into her actually being my best friend. I will be the first person to admit that when I get married my family will greatly outnumber the number of friends in attendance. I just don’t have a lot of friends. When I started hanging out with LSU Friend a few years ago I embarrassed myself by telling her that she was my only friend. You see I have a whole lot of acquaintances (work friends, Boyfriend’s friends, and other random people I know… about 99 percent of my Facebook friends) and I have a few Best Friends… and that’s it. Davis Girl, Best Friend, Boy Friend, and I would probably rank LSU Friend in this list as well now, are my only real friends. (This list doesn’t include my family that I’m really close to like Sister, Boy Friend’s Sister, and Awesome Cousin.) I have come to terms with the fact that I’m just not a very popular person. It’s all good.
Introducing my new friend and long time LemonsLemonsLemons reader… A
(Yes, A. Yes, I know it’s very Gossip Girl. Get over it.)
This is A. (Well, A in 2001)
Things from high school I know about A…
I met A in high school in Germany. She was year ahead of me and I’m not going to lie she kinda annoyed me. Not because I had ever met her, but because her name is very similar to my own. Okay I don’t use names on this blog so bare with me. Imagine you have an unpopular name… like really unpopular and old fashion and you are used to no one you know having that name. Example, Gertrude. Now imagine being in school a year behind someone with a name very similar to yours, like Bertrude. It sounds very much like your name and she had all the same teachers you have this year last year and she trained them all to say Bertrude, but Bertrude isn’t your name it’s Gertrude. So, all year long you are correcting your teachers reminding them that your name is with a B and not a G!
Besides the name connection, I then learned about A from this guy in my sophomore year English class. He just so happened to be dating A, and for some reason he would sit in the back of class with me and tell me all about their relationship. One specific detail, which I won’t mention because like I said A in my new friend and her co-workers might be reading this and I’m not quite sure that boy wasn’t just making it up, was extremely graphic and vivid.
Yup, so that’s what I knew about A. Her name pissed me off and her boyfriend was kinda obnoxious.
(Oh, and I’m like 85% sure we had economics together when I was a junior and she was senior, but really the only thing I remember from that class was when we had to give a presentation to the class about a make believe product we were marketing and I gave my presentation and immediately after ran straight to the bathroom and threw up like crazy because I was really sick and I shouldn’t have eaten Popeyes for lunch.)
Thing I now know about A…
She likes to cook.
She doesn’t like that she can’t get good breakfast tacos on the east coast and wishes I wouldn’t write about them so much.
She is engaged and getting married on the beach… in way awesome shoes and maybe a dress, but she hasn’t found that yet.
She just moved into a new house and got away from some really crazy loud neighbors who drove her insane.
She has a lot going on on her Facebook page including liking Survivor (awesome), Lady Gaga (even more awesome), and On The Road (the most awesome).
I feel bad because I don’t know much else about her. So I propose a few questions for new friend A.
1. Besides Germany, where else did you live?
2. If you could be any tree what tree would you be and why? (Bonus point for knowing what movie that is from)
3. Quick name you future children in 10 seconds or less!
4. Deaf for the rest of your life, or blind? Which would you pick? (and yes you have to pick)
5. Do you think Tom Cruise has a middle tooth?
I also propose a few scenarios and multiple choice questions…
1. If you are traveling through life at a normal speed and then all of a sudden you reconnect with someone from your past (let’s call her Gertrude) and she turns out to be your long lost best friend, how long will it take you to get to Austin to hang out?
2. “Two roads diverged in a yellow wood and sorry I could not travel both…” When you read these words do you think
A. Robert Frost I remember him from 9th grade.
B. Robert Frost, but not his best work.
C. That’s Robert Frost! That idiot I used to date passed that off as his own work!
D. I fucking hate Robert Frost.
3. In first grade you thought…
A. Boys are icky
B. Boys are cute
C. Girls are cute
D. Girls throw you in the big bathroom stalls
4. If your friend called you in the middle of the night letting you know that she and 20 other people were in the middle of a field about to sacrifice a baby lamb as part of a cult ritual that was very important to them, but she forgot her lamb killing knife at her house, you would go break into her house and bring her the knife?
Although I propose these questions to A and I expect to get them back soon and fully analyze them, please anyone feel free to answer as well.
I am SO AMAZINGLY flattered! And I will be sending you a much better pic, once I unpack my pictures. And E, I really feel like I've made a very good friend in you too. Truly, you may be the one redeeming thing about the time suck that is facebook for me. Confession- so you annoyed me to, for completely immature reasons. A-people have always called me by your name, and it drives me up the way, hence my love for A and E, plus, you were a cheerleader, I felt you were so much cuter/more popular than me, and due to the name thing, I could not escape you. Things always look easier on the outside huh? I think I know which bf you are talking about, I will be messaging you to discuss. And he is/was a douche.
ReplyDelete1-Nebraska, Mississippi, Florida, Las Vegas, the Azores, Iceland, Germany, Nebraska, Virginia
2-don't know the movie off the top of my head (DO share E!), and I think a magnolia, I love the beautiful flowers, or a weeping willow, with Spanish moss hanging from it. Very southern, and I wish I had been born southern, like 1800's big beautiful dresses, ice teas on porches southern
3-Boy, Jackson Thomas, girl, London Ann
4-deaf, I get annoyed by stupid people, and I would notice how stupid people are way less if I was deaf.
5- I think Tom Cruise is part alien, so yes, he may very well have a middle tooth.
On to the next part (totally loving this BTW)
1-Hope for more overtime for me, the visit will come faster that way. Know I am working on it. Soon, sooner if Sandra Bullock gets the same breakfast tacos as you, I think she would make a great big sister/mentor for us. I'm not sure if you like her, but I have a girl crush on her.
2-c, like I said, DOUCHE
3-b, his name was Wesley, I invented a game called chase Wesley. It involved chasing the cute blond hair, blue eyed boy and trying to kiss him. If you are reading this Wesley, I am very sorry. And I still love blond hair and blue eyes.
4- Chances are I would already be in the field with friend, and would have made sure we had everything needed for weird cult (I am weirdly organized in projects and work, but not my house. Working on making new house better.) If I wasn't there, I would get it, and feel really hurt and left out, and of course, creeped out and expecting to be invited over to friend's house for a lamb dinner.
And you will be getting a message about douche boy, and with my email and text. FB just isn't cutting it for my newly found eerily similar missed connection friend with almost the same name anymore. We much have a faster way to chat.
there will a post soon about my cheerleading days and how weird they were.
ReplyDeleteand a follow up to your answers
ReplyDeleteum... pretty sure Alaine and Lemon Lady are no where NEAR the same name.
ReplyDeletewhat? your real name ISNT lemon lady? seriously? next thing youre going to tell me is that Davis Girl doesnt actually go by "Davin Girl". Great. Just great. I religiously read and mostly comment on your dumb blog, and here you have been lying to me this whole time!?!?!?
some people.
(im just kidding, I dont think your blog is dumb at all. Its incredibly entertaining. and so is this post! Thanks to A for playing along and answering!)
Paragraph 2 and 3 are my life to a T!! I too am a military brat. I too grew up in Germany (Stuttgart). And when I returned to the states I went to a really small Catholic middle school. Where there were 20 people total in my 8th grade class. I still vividly remember the 15 other girls in my class ganging up on in me in the library and just reaming into me becuase they thought that all I did was brag about my life. Ummm hello I dont have any other experiences to share. Im sorry that I havent gone to the same school with the same people from kindergarten. I can only relate to what Ive experienced and share those experiences. I learned quickly like you to just keep my mouth shut. So thank you for sharing. Glad I wasnt the only one!!
ReplyDeleteIts like when people say oh dont you wish you grew up in one place when you tell them youre a military brat. And youre like uhhh I dont know. All i know is the life I lead!
Again thanks!! And keep up the good work!! :)
Erin. See it is a small world. It was hard coming back to states and it was hard for me being around nonmilitary people again when for two years those were the only people I was friends with and hung out with. I've alwasy liked the fact that we moved around a lot, but my sister is very different. I know she always wished she had those kind of friends she knew since she was in kingergarten.
ReplyDeleteThanks again for reading and commenting.