Project Runway Episode 11: Bitch Heidi, Turkey Pants, and the Return of Evil Ivy...

I know I have been horrible at keeping up with this whole “recapping of PR” thing I said I was going to do. I know you don’t want excuses, but OMG this is hard. Do you know how annoying it is to listen to Ivy bitch all the time? (Yes, if you watch the show.) Okay well try watching those horrible scenes over and over again to make sure it was Straight Michael she was calling a jackass and not Gretchen. It seriously got to me, but I’m pushing through and moving on.

PR recaps are back!

What you missed in the past two weeks without my recaps…

Ivy got Auf Wiedersehen-ed and I rejoiced.
Mondo announced to the world that he has been HIV positive for the past ten years and has never told his family and I cried.

There you are. You’re caught up.

So, I was totally pumped for last night’s episode to show you people that I still care. Plus, Boyfriend’s Sister was in town and came over and watched with me. This also means that Boyfriend watched the whole episode because he had to hang with his sister. All in all, it made for a pretty tight couch and a lot of laughs.

Here we go…

In case you forgot we are down to our final 6 designers. Roll call!
Gretchen: the “I have to say every little thought that runs through my head” designer
April: the “I’m young, dark, and moody” designer
Mondo: the “could I be any more adorable in my Charlie Chaplin and matador outfits” designer
Michael: the “nobody likes me and everyone thinks I can’t sew and everyone puts me down, but since I have no balls I just take it like a little girl” designer
Andy: the “I had horrible acne as a teenager therefore I have horrible acne scars and I might be saying amazing things but no one can look past my F-ed face and hear me” designer
Christopher: the “I’m so boring even I forget I’m still on this show” designer

This week’s challenge is to have Heidi be the client for the designers. They must create a head to toe active wear look that will fit into some line she is collaborating with New Balance on. (Awesome, I start doing this again just in time for the sweatpants challenge… great…)

Mood!!!

Gretchen bitches that they are all in the same area of the store because they all need “active wear” fabric. She is annoyed and therefore just takes half the damn isle up to the counter with her. Christopher pulls a bunch of chiffon… for active wear…

Workroom!!!

Evidently my idea of active wear and the designers’ ideas are a little different. April is making a maxi dress. This is where Boyfriend’s Sister really starts to get annoyed. First of all both of us have a mutual hate for maxi dresses. We are both short with boobs. The maxi dress is not our friend and when did a maxi dress become active wear? Plus it really doesn’t even look like a maxi dress, but more like a caftan. Because who doesn’t want to throw on their New Balance caftan after working out and head to the smoothie bar?

Tim and Heidi Visit!!!

Gretchen doesn’t like Heidi in the workroom and for once I completely agree with her. Heidi turns out is kinda a total bitch. She tells Mondo his work is crap and no one in their right mind would want to wear it out to pick up their kids (because active wear is now for PTA meetings) and Mondo, sweet little Mondo, is a dick right back to her and it’s awesome. Heidi then goes off on Gretchen for wanting to use different fabric than the fabric the rest of Heidi’s collection is made from. Okay here is my beef with this challenge and Heidi in general, this is a competition for the designers to show who they are and how awesome they are so they can go to fashion week. Heidi is talking to them the same way she would talk to a tailor making her designs. She wants them to change seems and add details and make pants not shorts… ect. Where the designers are trying to make “Gretchen for Heidi Klum’s New Balance”. Um, sorry for the stereotype but she is kinda getting all Nazi up in the workroom.

Surprise Twist!!!

Before evil Heidi leaves the workroom she lets all the designers know that they are now responsible for not just one, but three looks. Oh, and they are going to get some help. In walks kicked off designers back to help the final six. FML!!! I have to listen to Ivy for another F-ing episode!

Okay, new teams…
Mondo and Valerie
Gretchen and Casanova
Christopher and Ivy
Michael (Straight because there are two again) and AJ
April and Peach (together again…)
Andy and Michael (Gay)

Let the drama begin. The designers go back to Mood and Gretchen gets black snakeskin after Heidi told her to use her boring fabric. Straight Michael buys a whole lot of orange and brown. He then uses those fabrics to create orange pants and a brown giant hoodie thing. Casanova totally calls him out for making a Thanksgiving Pilgrim outfit and then struts around the workroom clucking like a turkey and yes, it is funny as hell.

Then Ivy, like the Spawn of Satan I’m pretty sure she is, decided to let Straight Michael know that he still sucks as a designer and at life in general and that he is only still in the competition because he cheated. Yes, she calls him out for cheating!!! She claims that during the Jackie Kennedy Challenge he used fabric tape to keep his model from falling out of the top of his dress, thus tricking the judges into thinking he is good at construction. Then Michael calls her out of being kicked off the show for an ugly design. Really Michael that was all you could think of to say? Man up and take this bitch down! Then Ivy says, “Michael, you just talk shit about people all the time.” Wooh… now there are some balls! Ivy tells someone else that they talk a lot of shit. Burn. Plus did I say she might be the Spawn of Satan because I think she might. Then Tim comes in and shuts Ivy up because he points out the very important factor that there are like 100 cameras following them around all the time and no camera caught Michael doing anything that might be considered cheating. Suck it Ivy. Oh one last thing, Ivy is sewing and says, “I defiantly believe in Karma and everything will get back to him” (talking about Michael) and then a button or something jumps up and stabs her in eye and I laughed and I think an angel got its wings.

Runway Time!!!

Heidi did her hair like Gretchen. The guest judge is Norma Kamali who evidently designs active wear. Boyfriend’s Sister thinks her last name sounds like the knock off version of Cavalli. Plus she looks like the cross between Bethany Frankel and Nicole Richie.

Gretchen (Bottom): Robes and cocktail skirts. I have no idea how she thinks this is active wear. The only thing that looks slightly active to me are the bicycle shorts she has sticking out under the skirts. And they are see through! Her robes look less Mike Tyson and more bedroom lounging than I would have liked. Oh, and when Heidi visited the workroom she tore Mondo a new one for making a crop sweatshirt, so why in the world would Gretchen send a crop tissue top down the runway? Michael Kors says her model looks like she has sausage legs and the shorts look like spanx peaking out from under the skirts. Heidi really hates it and calls her out on the stupid robes. “They are so Dankleshevoken.” Okay so maybe Dankleshevoken is a made up word, but that’s what Boyfriend heard and it’s kinda hilarious.

Andy (Winner): I said right from the get go that this might just be the perfect challenge for Andy. He’s collection is comfortable looking but still nothing I’ve ever seen in a store. He used the right colors to blend with Heidi’s line but made these looks still look like his own. I love the hoodie and the pants. The judges really like the dress. Nina thinks the whole thing is a little Halloween-y, but they all agree the pieces are super wearable.

April (Top): I’ve been on the April bandwagon for a while, but I don’t get this week’s looks. I don’t think they are active wear. I don’t think they look well made, and I don’t think they are fashion forward at all. What is with the mesh? Who wants to work out and then try to put on a mesh top without a bra? That mesh would be all sticky and the skin around your boobs would be all creased from where the sports bra was digging into you. It just isn’t practical. Boyfriend’s Sister hates the black shorts outfit and calls it “romper like”. She also makes the very valid comment that anyone normal wearing that “maxi dress”/caftan would like they are in their third trimester and having twins. The judges don’t agree with us and pretty much like everything. Heidi says she would wear everything except the shorts. Then as Nina is saying something (sorry Nina we weren’t listening) we get a camera shot of the guest judge and holy crap is she wearing transition sunglasses??? She had on no glasses when she was introduced and now she is wearing old lady glasses that totally look transition lens like. Which makes us wonder if someone is shinning or not shinning light on them so they will change color??? Oh and Kors calls her out for not really making active wear, but evidently not doing the challenge is okay because she is still in the top.

Christopher (Loser): Christopher you made weird pants that stop just below your calf and a linebacker/Dynasty sweatshirt and you still are not memorable at all. It’s time for you to go. Kors calls the whole thing cheap saying no one would pay over ten dollars for a single piece. Bye-bye.

Michael (Bottom): Michael made a rain poncho with orange MC Hammer pants. Also he decided to style his models in leather belts and beautifully straightened hair. It just looked weird. Heidi is pissed he added his own colors into her line. (Even Mondo “king of color” didn’t do that) Nina hates the styling and Kors lets him know that over sized doesn’t mean easy. Just barely safe.

Mondo (Top): First of all, I love Mondo’s head bands. I think they are quirky and fun. Boyfriend’s Sister says they look like “Units”. I have no idea what this means, but apparently her and her mom used to rock them back in the day. His line is very cute and very Jazzercise. I like that it is playful and not serious. Maybe that’s why I really didn’t like April’s line because everything seemed so serious. The judges love it and Heidi is glad he started over after she walked through the workroom. Kors does call him out for not have very interesting bottoms, but whatever… Love you Mondo!!!

Oh, and you remember those boots Gretchen puts on her models every F-ing challenge??? She was totally rocking them on the runway!!!

Next Week: Last challenge to make it to Fashion Week!!!