The Second "First Post" and A Conversation With Myself.

I really wanted my first post back from this long brake in blogging to be a funny, awkward, “oh shucks Lemon Lady”, haha story. I really did. I started writing two of them, and eventually they will come to furition and they will become blog posts, and well I think y’all will laugh because I think they are funny. However, this isn’t one of them.

Sorry.

I started this blog because I was stuck going to work everyday to an office I hated, to do a job I hated. I was throughly depressed during the day, so I decided to do something about it. I decided that I needed to be creative. Instead of spending 8 hours a day being missirable and doing nothing (oh, did I not say that... yeah I did NOTHING for probably 6 and a half of those 8 hours) I decided to start a blog. Then I got real nervous about actually putting myself out there and letting people read what I write. Then I seriously had to practice telling Kevin (Boyfriend) that I was going to start a blog because even though I knew that he would be nothing but excited for me and supportitive, that is how my crazy mind works. Because deep down there was this little tiny thought that whispered to me, “what if you tell Kevin and then you fail at this or you stop after two posts and he thinks you are a loser or a failure?” Yes, this is how my messed up mind works.

But, one day a really funny thing happened to me in the parking lot of a P F Changs on my lunch break and I bit the big bullet and wrote the story down. Then after emailing it to a few friends and getting some positive feedback it became my first blog post. I finally had a creative outlook in my life and blogging made me really happy.

Then I got a new job and although I really liked blogging and writing and telling embarasing stories about myself, I didn’t really need this blog anymore. I was no longer super bored and super unhappy at work. I have a really cool job that I love and that keeps me very busy all day. I tried to blog a little here and there last summer when I first started, but well... you know what happened. I stopped. I didn’t want my blog to become something I did because I felt obligated to do it. I didn’t want to sit infront of a computer screen and have to rack my brain to think of something mildly funny I could write about because it was Monday and you have to post on Monday. (At least thats what all the "make your blog successful" articles say.)

Well, hello blog. I’m back. I’m back because I need you again. So, here goes... Kevin and I broke up.

Yup.

Wow, I thought this would be easier to write.

We broke up. 5 and a half years later, we broke up, and now I need my blog again. I need to write about funny, frivolous events that happen to remind me that he wasn’t my whole life. I need to write to create a cocoon for myself. I need to write on this blog, so I won’t spend every night wondering in words where the past 5 and a half years of my life went in my journal. I need to write so maybe I won’t feel “okay” anymore. I’m very over feeling, “okay”.

So this is my apology to you blog and to you readers. I’m sorry for using this blog for my own therapy. I’m sorry to stringing you, my readers, along for months and then quitting on you cold turkey style only to come running back to you a few months later when my life goes to Hell. I’m sorry that this isn’t funny, and I’m sorry that this isn’t witty. I’m sorry that I’m going to ask you to look beyond my faults, because God knows I have plenty of them, and jump back into a relationship with me and my little website. If you’re in, I’m in.

And just because I can’t help myself and I have to do something a little fun and a little “not so depressing”, here is a Q&A.

Blog: So, Elaine, tell us, are you going to pussy out and quit on us again or are you going to put on your big girl panties and keep this blog up?
Elaine: (Yes, my name is Elaine... moving on) Wow, blog. Way to ease me back into this. I really don’t want to quit again and I’m going to try to be diligent and keep this up. Promise. Does having a box of half eaten Girl Scout cookies on my stove right now make me "scouty" enough to say "Scout's Honor"?

Blog: How are you?
Elaine: Okay...

Blog: So, in the big divorse, who got the dog?
Elaine: I did. Trust me I’ve got about a gazillion “my dog is so awkward” stories. Right now he is laying half way on his bed, on his back, spread eagle, barking in his sleep. But, at least his penis isn't bleeding which is a whole other 50 posts.

Blog: I think we all would like to know what exactly are you wearing at this very moment?
Elaine: Yoga pants and a tie die T shirt. Obviously I’m dressed to pick up my future husband... or a date.

Blog: So, you are dating?
Elaine: No. I’m not going to lie there is definently the thought of dating someone sometime, but I’m not looking. In fact, not only am I not looking but i’m actaully saying no to suiters faces when they ask for my number. Seriously like three days after breaking up with my boyfriend of 5 and a half years a gentleman aquantance, who totally knew Kevin and about the breakup, asked for my number and I quite literaly laughed and said no straight to his face. I felt bad for a second, but then I remembered that he knew I had been single for all of 2 minutes and I didn’t feel bad anymore.

Blog: So, you could be looking...
Elaine: Just the thought of that someone perfect out there somewhere is good enough for me at this moment.

Blog: So you got kinda serious up there at the beginning of this post. Are we going to see a more serious side of you in the posts to come?
Elaine: I doubt it, but I’m not going to say no. I want to get back to the roots of my little blog and write about funny stories and things that make me happy and random wonderings that float around my head. But at the same time, I’m writing this time for a completely different reason. Before I really wanted to recap the TV shows and write about pretty dresses because I needed to express myself creatively. This time I just need a cheap, free theapist. So, we will see. I don’t want to limit myself or not let my thoughts leave the cute box I built for myself last year when I was in a very different place in my life. But, just FYI, there will be no TV recaps as I don't have cable right now.

Blog: Quick, through us a bone and tell me something funny!
Elaine: My friend Sarah told me today that her friend's Trivia Team name is "We Let Midgets Go Up On Us".

Blog: Is there anything you would like to say to anyone who might be reading your blog for the first time?
Elaine: Yes, I'm usually not depressing. If you'd like the meat and potatoes of my blog, I suggest you check out the following three post...
1. That one time I kicked my Dr. in the face and gave her a bloody nose.
2. That one time I gave myself a serious burn and instead of going to the Dr. I hung out with my new boyfriend. (Oh, I love that in this post I got to write the sentence, "Lemon Lady, you're feeling yourself up with icicles.")
3. The time I got real bitchy and reviewed Carrie Underwood's dresses for the CMAs.

Blog: So, what are you listening to right now?
Elaine: Really blog? Really? You couldn't have asked me this like 3 minutes ago?

Blog: Tell us.
Elaine: Fine. My Humps - Black Eyed Peas... I hate you.

Blog: I think you love me.
Elaine: you might be right.

Blog: Friends forever?
Elaine: Deal.