Just Trying To Be A Good Daughter: Why I HATE Dick's Sporting Goods...

I wrote this post last weekend, but since it’s about buying my dad a Father’s Day gift and sometimes he reads this blog I’m waiting until Monday to post. However, I could not wait until Monday to write it, because I don’t want to lose any of my annoyance or vigor in this subject.

I officially hate Dick’s Sporting Goods. I will never go there again.

The thing is, I have all these negative emotions not because some A-hole sales person pissed me off, not because they royally screwed up an online order, not because as I walking in the store they ass raped me and then sold off my first born child. No, I hate them simply because they suck.

…

Correction The Dick’s Sporting Goods at the Hill Country Galleria in Bee Caves, Texas sucks.

This store has got to be the crappiest sports store I’ve ever stepped into. Which really disappointed me because A: The only other Dick’s I’ve ever been in was the one in San Antonio at the Rim and that store is freaking AWESOME and B: I really needed to get my dad a father’s day gift that day, since I didn’t have the dog with me and could therefor go shopping without my dog passing out due to heat exhaustion in my car. The San Antonio store is like two stories and has “stuff” for like every sport you could dream about participating in and well, I didn’t spend a lot of time looking like crazy in depth, but it seemed really fabulous. Oh, AND (just to add some icing) it’s not like I was walking into Dick’s with one random extremely specific piece of sporting equipment I wanted to buy. In fact I had a list of multiple ideas of things I could get my father – none being very specific – and I was still disappointed.

Item #1: Texas A&M athletic shorts.

My Dad likes to lounge around the house in workout/athletic shorts. I just happen to be an expert on these since Boyfriend owns approximately 43 pairs of this specific type of shorts therefor making me an expert in buying them. I know to look for a good drawstring and deep pockets and logos or prints sewn into the shorts instead of just stamped on. I got this. (Okay, so I know what you’re thinking, this is maybe sorta kinda a specific thing and I said in the above paragraph that I wasn’t looking for specific things, but really in Austin, TX looking for university wear of ANY school in Texas isn’t weird. We don’t have a professional team in my city, so collegiate wear is EVERYWHERE.)

First of all, the Support Your Team sections was dismally small. Like, I’ve seen dorm rooms bigger than this area. I kept turning the corner thinking that there had to be more of a selection on the other side, but the other side was full of those Nike running shorts that only serious runners (you know the ones with the tiny little hats and bottled water belts) and sorority girls wears. Which by the way, before you start thinking “BS Lemon Lady I’ve seen you sport those" I wear the $7.99 knockoffs from Academy. Thank you very much.) Seriously they could have renamed Dick’s and made it “Sorority Girl and Serious Runners with Small Hat and Water Bottle Belts Sporting Goods” but I get it. Nothing runs of the tongue better than Dick’s.

(coughthatswhatshesaidcough)

Back to the Support Your Team section… I get that I live in a city that at times feels like it’s been painted in Burn Orange. I get this. I understand this. In fact, I fully support this as I went to that school myself. (Actually if you want to get technical my Dad fully supports this since he paid for my education, but that’s kinda a sore subject around my house.) So, I expected to find more Longhorns stamped on things than anything maroon and white, but when I say that there was literally two different A&M Tee Shirts and that was it for anything pro Aggies I’m being completely honest. I mean come on Dick’s A&M is only 120 miles away and is the second largest school in the State of Texas… where is your love and support? I think I should also let y’all know that there really wasn’t that much UT clothing either. What was taking up 65% of the dorm room sized area? Texas Ranger crap. And you know that if they had sucked last year the way they have always sucked there would have only been like three jerseys and a lone baseball hat. It was just an extremely disappointing section of an extremely disappointing store.

Item #2: Fun, Random Golf Accessories.

When in doubt, go to the golf area. I have no idea what any of that crap is but it always seems exciting to Boyfriend who golfs and Dad golfs so… yeah Dad’s getting some golf… stuff. Except there is no random golf crap area. What??? Where are all the golf gloves, golf towels, golf rangefinders, golf ball cleaners, golf watches…??? Where are these things??? Let me tell you, they are not at the Dick’s in Bee Caves, so don’t look there. I mean I could either buy him a box of balls (with the store I’m at somewhere there is a Dick in the Box joke, I just can’t get there) or like a golf tee. That’s it.

No thank you Dick’s. I’m not that desperate and I love my father more.

Item #3: Fun Pool Toys.

My dad turns into an eight year old when around water. Pool, beach, river, whatever he doesn’t discriminate. Last year my parents built a pool in their backyard and my father is in Heaven. (To be honest I’m in Heaven, too, when I’m lucky enough to get to spend a weekend there.) So, I thought some fun pool toys would make a great gift. Rafts! Floaties! Random sinking things! Oh, except Dick’s had nothing. Not a noodle. Not a flipper. Nothing. They did have $50 goggles and underwater weights. Because nothing says Happy Father’s Day like overpriced, lime green, protective eye wear and a really heavy spongy weight that might as well scream, “You need to lose a few pounds!”. Fail Dick’s. You fail.

Item #4: Golf Shirt.

Okay, I know, a golf shirt is not exciting at all and honestly this was not on my list when I was all bright eyed and bushy tailed 20 minutes ago when I entered the soul sucking store that is Dick’s. But, I figured I might as well take a look. Actually, at this point I was just wondering around with a UBBER confused look on my face and I needed to focus on something. GOLF WEAR! All hope is not lost! I can actually get a gift out of this expedition.

I pulled myself together and walked to men’s golf clothing. Oh look a nice shirt - $78. Oh look another nice shirt - $69.99. Oh loo - $112!!! (I kid you not, I saw a normal looking red and blue golf shirt for $112.) I feel kinda bad writing this, because I don’t want y’all to think I don’t love my father, because I do. I would spend thousands on this man if I could afford it. My new job is awesome, but I’m not making quite as much as I was and I’m trying really hard (sometimes unsuccessfully) to live on a budget. My biggest problem with these prices are not that they are expensive. I get it that Nike is expensive. I get it that golf is just an expensive sport all around. What I don’t understand is mother F-ing Dick’s!!!

…wait for it…

IT IS THE FUCKING THURSDAY BEFORE FUCKING FATHER’S DAY!!! WHERE ARE THE GOD DAMN SALES DICK’S!!! ISN’T THIS YOUR BIGGEST WEEKEND OF YOUR WHOLE FUCKING YEAR!!! … FUCK!!!




Okay, I feel better now. This post is exactly the reason why I need to start going back to yoga. Well, this post and my love for all things that start with Mexican and end with Food. Hopefully my father likes his Father’s Day gift that I just ended up ordering online while my dog napped at my feet.

(Sorry for all the cursing, Dad. But I did it all for you…)