The Sag Awards Fashion: I Couldn't Help Myself and Neither Could Sofia Vergara...

I really had no plan to recap or write about the SAG awards fashion. Which now that I think about it, I’m not quite sure why. I was crazy excited for the Emmys and I’m super upset that LSU Friend is going to be out of town and thus we can’t hold our annual Oscars Party. (Because doing it two years in a row would make it an annual thing right?) Honestly I forgot about the SAG awards until I flipped on the TV last night and saw they were coming on in ten minutes. Yesterday I drank for the first time since the Baton Rouge Madi Gras Ball and ate fried food for the first time since… I think the beginning of the year. But in my defense LSU Friend and I drove out to Fredericksburg and I think the city council makes you stop at wineries and then eat Wiener Schnitzel with German beer so you are willing to drop your big tourist dollars in stores with furniture like this…
Anyway, so when I got home my tummy wasn’t feeling all that great. So, I dragged some pillows and blankets into the livingroom, made myself comfy on the futon, and turned on the TV. It was either Bridalplasty or the SAG Awards. I choose the later.

Best Dressed - Mila Kunis She almost took the best dressed title at the Emmy's but at the Sag Awards she really had no competition. None of the photos I could find really do this dress justice. When she was walking on stage the reds and pinks and whites mix beautifully together and the belt sparkles adding just a tad bit of pizazz and bling. She completely out shined Natalie Portman (even with her cute PG waddle).

Weirdest Switcheroo – Lea Michele and Amber Rylie

First up, why do you think Lea Michele and Amber Rylie decided to switch dresses? Because Lea’s dress is the skinny bitch version of the sparkly wonder that Amber wore to the Emmys, but whatever because I still love it. Amber on the other hand is wearing the same boring Oscar “you call him Oscar” de La Renta look-a-like gown Lea usually wears to every awards show event.

Best Pnina Wannabe - Angie Harmon Y’all know the dresses I’m talking about. That show on TLC called Say Yes To The Dress show cases them all the freaking time. Pnina Tornia sells her tacky and completely inappropriate dresses to the bitchiest brides from all over the country. You know the ones, they always come shopping with their mothers who swear they are little angels and their best “mean girl” friends who secretly hope they trip down the aisle and are divorced in five years. They talk about having a “fairy tale” wedding and then drop 6 grand on a see through wedding dress that some albino peacock regurgitated the week before. I don’t know how Angie Harmon got trapped in these whorish, bridal feathers, but I fear for District Attorney Abby Carmichael.

Psss… You’ve spilt something Dress – Barbara HersheyPsss… you’ve split something on your dress, Barbara.

Fabulous, Fabulous, Fabulous Couple – Ernest and Tova Borgnine Ernest was being honored for his lifetime in movies and television, and although he looks great, can we please talk about his wife. DAMN TOVA! I saw her last night sitting next to him and couldn’t wait to see her full look from the red carpet. After Googling her I found out that she is the fifth wife of Ernest, has had a skin care line called Beauty of Tova for 21 years, and is Norwegian. See, you do learn something new everyday. I love her dress. I love her giant hair. Bravo Ernest for landing such a hottie.

Where did she go? – Guiliana Rancic Have you guy seen that episode of Family Guy where Chris becomes a famous artist and move to New York and starts dating Kate Moss except he’s always losing her because she’s so skinny and fall through floor boards and blows away in the wind. I think Family Guy’s animated version of Kate Moss has been Guiliana’s inspiration for just a little too long. Say it with me, “EAT A CHEESEBURGER”!!!

Most Adorable – Hailey Stienfeld Love her! I’m thinking the dress could have just been straight to the floor without the little poof at the bottom, but whatever. The colors totally make up for any “poofing”. It’s fun to see pink and orange on the red carpet on a young girl who can wear super bright colors together and still look appropriate. Just like at the Emmy’s, I love her natural hair and lack of crazy fancy diamonds. Keep it up Hailey and please, please, please fight for the role of Katniss in the movie version of the Hunger Games!!!

Best Lisa Kudro Look-a-like – Heather Morris
Seriously I thought Heather was Lisa… with a whole lot of plastic surgery…

Best for the Pool in Austin – Sarah Hyland
Burnt orange color, check.
Cute tie at the waist, check.
Easy to throw over your swimsuit for a day at the pool or river, check.
Short length to show off my tan legs… crap… I’ll need some scissors.

Best “Did you know I’m sexy” dress – Sofia Vergara
Yeah… she just can't help it.

A New Addition To The Family... George Michael

A while ago I wrote a blog post about how I think about winning the lottery like all the time. (Read it HERE.) I wrote that one of the first things I would buy is a Great Dane puppy. Well ladies and gentlemen, dreams do come true.

Introducing George Michael!
Yeah, I can't tell which are males and which are females, but I'm told our little guy is in there somewhere.

Boyfriend and I have wanted a dog for over three years. We spent a year deciding if we just wanted to go to the local shelter and adopt or what breed would best fit in with our wants and lifestyle. Two years ago we decided on a Great Dane. Finding the perfect breeder was not the easiest thing I’ve ever done, but I know it was worth all the emails and forms and time to make sure I’m getting the perfect puppy who will grow up to be our best friend and part of our little family. It was not a quick process, but Boyfriend and I both knew George Michael would be worth the wait. I promise to post more photos when I get them.

Also, a special thank you to Bianca Gonzalez of Pegasus Great Danes (Check out the website) for remembering me from an email I sent her almost a year ago. She has been so wonderful by answering all my questions about George Michael’s mommy (my baby momma) and dad and texting me numerous photos throughout Baby Momma’s pregnancy because I could only Facebook stalk her photos online so many times.

Oh and FYI... George Michael is named after the Arrested Development character George Michael played by Michael Cera. If we ever get a cat his name will be Tobias, and maybe one day GM will get a cousin named Maeby (Maybe). He is not named after the famous singer/songer writer, but don't think we haven't thought about how it is going to be a little weird yelling for Geroge Michael at the dog park.(Michael Cera as George Michael Bluth)



More photos soon!!!

How I Was Diagnosed With "Magazine Tourettes"...

My co-worker reminded me that I am going to 27 this year. Holy crap! I’m not going to start ranting or anything because I know I have older readers and I don’t want to be “that young girl” who won’t shut up about how 27 is so… old. But, when my co-worker brought up that age a light bulb went off in my head. Hello Lemon Lady! This is why Sunday was so hard.

You see, back in the day I could put the drinks back. I could party all night and rally very quickly the next morning with only a few breakfast tacos and a big ‘ol ice tea. I could go downtown, stumble out of the bars at 2, catch a cab home, throw up, go to bed, and be at work with a smile on my face to open the store I worked for at 9 AM. If I had pancakes at Kerby Lane or a Best Wurst on 6th before the ride home I was even better. I can no longer drink like this! I mean I was drunk on Saturday don’t get me wrong. But I was not falling down, throwing up, forgetting how to play blackjack drunk. (BTW I now know why blackjack dealers say out loud the number you have, because although I knew how to play the game on Saturday night, adding the numbers on the cards was tough.) I guess what I’m trying to say is that on Sunday I was just stupid. Seriously the whole day I felt slow and dumb.

Luckily all I had to do was ride in the car home without embarrassing myself. Unfortunately, I could not do this.

LSU Friend and Lil Blount diagnosed me with Magazine Tourettes.

Magazine Tourettes is a little know syndrome where the person who is afflicted cannot read a magazine without reading aloud random tidbits of information or commenting about articles they read or ads they see.

The February issue of InStyle was the demon that set off my Magazine Tourettes.

I think it should be known first that I absolutely love magazines. Seriously, not a lot of things can hold my attention better than a new, shinny, and glossy magazine. I’m addicted to the smooth pages. I love everything about magazines. I love analyzing the cover stories. I like scrutinizing the advertisements. I read them cover to cover. Honestly, I’ll read anything if it is giving to me in a magazine like way. Consumer Reports vacuum cleaner issue? Sure, I’ll read it. Rolling Stones cover the Jonas Brothers? Why not? Star Magazine makes up some story about Angelina dying in rehab? I’m all over that. Really I’m not picky.

I don’t usually buy InStyle, so opening that large fashion magazine was like a little treat.

Me: “Oh, that bag is nice…”

Cupcake (sitting next to me): “Are you talking to me?”

Me: “Um… Yeah… Look at this cute white bag.”

Cupcake: “Oh, cute.”

Four minutes later…

Me: “Oh? Is that bag leather or cloth?”

Cupcake (looking up from the magazine she is reading): “What?”

LSU Friend (looking back from the front seat): “Um, who are you talking to?”

Me: “What? Oh, um… Cupcake! You saw this bag a few minutes ago; do you think its cloth or leather?”

Cupcake: “I guess leather.”

Three minutes later…

Me: “Oh, that bag is by Ivanka Trump.”

LSU Friend: “What Lemon Lady?”

Lil Blount: “OMG what are you talking about?”

Me: “That bag. It’s by Trump and isn’t that much. You can get it on Piperlime.”

Lil Blount: “Lemon Lady, WE CAN’T SEE WHAT YOU CAN SEE! We have no idea what bag you keep talking about.”

Me: “This one! (pointing to the bag on the magazine page) The one I keep talking about.”

LSU Friend: “Yeah, we get it. You see a bag… in the magazine (now she’s just talking slow because she thinks I’m a moron) but we are up here and Cupcake is reading her own magazine and we have no F-ing idea what you keep saying!”

Lil Blount: “It’s like you have Magazine Tourettes or something.”

And that’s how I was diagnosed.

Then it got worse.

Fifteen minutes later…

Me: “hummm… hehehehe… I’m really into red pants.”

Cupcake: “huh?”

LSU Friend: “Stop with the Tourettes!”

Me: “But this is funny. Someone wrote into the magazine saying they really like red pants but they don’t know if they can pull them off. I mean, if you have to write into a magazine asking how to wear pants, no, you can’t pull them off.”

Lil Blount: “Then Lemon Lady you should say that. You need to give us more of your internal dialogue because we have no F-ing idea what you are talking about when you say you really like red pants.”

Me: “No, the chick who wrote to the magazine likes the red pants. I don’t like red pants.”

Lil Blount: “I know now! But when you first said it I didn’t.”

LSU Friend: “We were just confused and worried about you.”

Me: “I know what I’m talking about.”

Cupcake (trying to be nice): “Yeah but no one else does and we think you’re talking to us.”

Me: “Sorry, I’ll try harder.”

I then proceeded to have Magazine Tourettes for another forty five minutes while I finished the magazine. (I mean have y'all seen the new Limited ads? They are really confusing!) I think it was the hungover slowness I had been experiencing all day. I knew I should say things out loud. I knew my friends in the front seat had no idea what I was talking about and that Cupcake was in her own little world playing Angry Birds sitting next to me, but I couldn’t control myself. I just hope that this is a passing disease and won’t stay with me too long.

Golden Globes 2011: The Best, The Ugly, and Then There Was Halle Berry...

Okay, so I’ll be honest with y’all, the Globes were happening live while I was driving home very hungover from Baton Rouge. Boyfriend was great and DVR’ed them for me because I completely 100% forgot that they were that weekend. This means I didn’t really watch the Globes in their entirety, but fast forwarded a whole lot, saw the winners, deleted the recording, and called it a day. I didn’t even get to hear all the widely inappropriate jokes Ricky Grevais spouted out all night. However, I did notice the dresses and every since Sunday I’ve been looking at them all over the internet. Some grew on me and others will always be ugly. Here are my thoughts on the good, the bad, and the “what the hell was she thinking?!?!”

First up, the good…

Best Dressed of the Night… Hailee Stienfeld Yes, she is 15 and can’t drive a car or get into a rated R movie. I don’t care. She looks 100% perfect. The dress is elegant, fitted well, and is totally appropriate for a 15 year old. She’s not showing off her boobies and her hair isn’t up done up like a Stepford Wife. She isn’t wearing 4 million dollars worth of jewelry. I love her turquoise clutch as a little pop of color. This is how young Hollywood should dress. Up and coming Disney stars, please take notes.

Best Color… Mila Kunis First things first, could Mia Kunis be anymore gorgeous? I don’t think so. Ever since That 70’s Show I’ve been waiting for her to be in a fabulous movie, just to see what she would wear on the red carpet. Out of all the green dresses we saw on Sunday night, Mila’s was the best. The emerald is perfect on her skin and it fits beautifully. The only thing I would have changed… a little bolder jewelry and maybe a brighter pink lip.

Best New Comer to the Red Carpet… Emma Stone
Okay, I get that she’s been in other movies. Superbad, anyone? But these Globes being her first, she looks great. I love the minimalist look of the dress and even thought I love Emma as a red head, I love the whole “peaches and cream” look with her blonde hair. Thank you Emma for wearing something different and pulling it off, even if you look like Kate Bosworth's twin.

Best “Inside Baby” Dress… Natalie Portman This dress has been a little controversial on the net. People have seemed to either love it or hate it. Personally I love the dress. It’s cute and playful and again something different. Yeah, she could have just worn a Greek Goddess dress in navy, but she didn’t. I love pink and red together and yes, I love the rose. The necklace is elegant and simple and not competing with the rose (which any jewelry could easily do). The only thing I would change, and yes I know I’m nit picking now, is the bag. I think it’s a little to matchy-matchy with the red rose and red shoes (which are awesome). I think silver would have been a better choice.

Sexiest Man… Kevin McHale I adore with kid! Well… boy… man… 23 year old. I loved him at the Emmy’s last year and I love him here. The jacket is fun and matches the fun show he is on. I mean he’s not nominated for the TV singer version of Schindler’s List. Why not have some fun. His glasses are downright sexy and even Kyra Sedgwick is licking her lips over him in the background. Keep it up Artie! Love, your biggest fan… Lemon Lady

Best Dressed Couple Channeling Michelle Williams and Heath Ledger… Kyra Sedgwick and Kevin Bacon Y’all remember this…
Well here is the 2011 version and I still love it. Yellow is a weakness color for me. Anyone who wears it and pulls it off is automatically a favorite of mine. Anyone who wears it with chunky, awesome gold and turquoise jewelry is even better. Plus, I love those new Kevin Bacon commercials where Kevin Bacon is pretending to be such a Kevin Bacon fan that he turned into Kevin Bacon… so funny.

Dress I’d Most Like to Wear… Amber Riley It’s awesome. She looks awesome. I want to rip it off her body and wear to the grocery store because if I owned a dress like that I would wear it EVERYWHERE!

And the bad…

Most Boring and Blah… Amy Adams I know I might take some slack for this, but I did not like Amy Adam’s dress on Sunday. I thought it was dull and boring and even more boring the more I look at is and try to dissect it. I will admit she looks great and has lost the baby weight. Congrats. Other than that I really don’t have anything nice to say. The color is dull. It’s not a rich navy or a deep royal blue but some “yawn like” in between blue. Plus the fabric that makes up the detail up top looks like formal living room curtains. There is a fan of formal living room curtains coming out of her hips. No bueno.

Ugliest Medieval Dress… Anne Hathaway This looks like chainmail. Like really ugly, gold spray painted chainmail. Or really ugly, gold spray painted back splash kitchen tile. I can’t make up my mind.

Dress Most Likely to Get Kicked Off Project Runway… Elizabeth Moss Bad. Really bad. It is over worked and doesn’t fit. It’s one of those Project Runway dresses where the designer thinks it looks amazing and fabulous and all the other contestants know it’s God awful and ill fitting but they don’t tell that designer and instead let him sink him/herself on the runway. Yeah, one of those…

Worst Barbie… January Jones She looks like Graduation Tassel Barbie… complete with plastic tatas. Not a good look.

Most Confused… Jennifer Love Hewitt Now I know it’s just mean to make fun of JLH. You know she wakes up every morning and looks at herself in the mirror and repeats the same mantra over and over again, “I did not peak in 1998. I did not peak in 1998. I did not peak…” This dress is half “I’m so desperate to married”, half I kinda look a giant clam, and half “am I and investment banker, because I seem to be carrying a giant white briefcase as a purse on the red carpet”.

Dress That Ate 13… Olivia Wilde Nom Nom Nom Nom…

Worst Printed Burlap Bag Dress… Michelle Williams There are good ways to do prints on the red carpet. Y’all remember Kate Hudson at the Golden Globes 7 years ago.
Gorgeous! Michelle Williams… not so much. It seriously looks like a brown canvas bag with ironed on daisies. The flower straps remind me of the sunflower craze in the 1990s. And not cool “oh Marc Jacobs trying to bring grunge back in the slouchy corduroy pant” way, but bad “I wore a dress with sunflowers on the straps to my cousin’s wedding in Oklahoma” way. Seriously all she is missing is the floppy Blossom hat.

Worst of the Night… Julianna Margulies Something must have happened. Something bad because I know Julianna wouldn’t show up to the Golden Globes with her hair thrown up off her face, no lipstick, wearing black Spanx with a pink sheet tied at her waist, and really ugly pointed black bridesmaid’s shoes if something hadn’t gone wrong.

Finally, what y’all have all been waiting for...

The “What the Hell was she thinking” Dress… Halle Berry
Duh.

Check out the Best and Worst hair and makeup from Sunday at A Dash of Perspective and say hi to New Friend A while your at it.

The First of Many Post's From Last Weekend: Fancy Dresses, Men in Tights, and Igloo Coolers...

This past weekend I made the 8 hour trip to Baton Rouge with LSU Friend, Cupcake, and Lil Blount to attend the Krewe of Artemis’ Madi Gras Ball.

…

I had absolutely no idea what I had signed up for.

Looking back I’m not quite sure what I was expecting. I mean, I knew there would be beads and green, yellow, purple things, and maybe a mask or two, but nothing like what I walked into on Saturday night. First of all, the Ball had to be held in the Convention Center. Yeah, the Convention Center… because there were 1400 people attending! This was no little gala or large wedding reception, 1400 people is a whole latta sparkly ball gowns and tuxedos.

Secondly, the Ball was BYOB.

Again, the Ball was BYOB.

Well slap my ass, hand me a beer, and call me a Ragin Cajun because whoever thought of this might be a genius. I need you guys to stop for a second and imagine this. 1400 people dressed to the nines. I’m talking full length ball gowns, trains, seriously sparkly jewels, and men in tuxes… fancy, fancy, fancy. Okay now imagine them all dragging coolers behind them as they hand their tickets to doormen to get inside. I really wish I had pictures of this, but I don’t so I’m going to improvise.

It was totally just like this…


Or if you were cheep like us, this… (I should note here that no, we didn’t dance with our plastic bags of vodka and red wine, but this was just a good arm shot to illustrate how we brought our booze.)

This was our table. Any get together that at any time during the night you will find vodka, Red Bull, Zing Zang Bloody mix, wine bought at a CVS, and glasses that light up and change color on the table is a good party in my book.

Another thing, the costumes. Now, I’ve spent a few years in San Antonio where they celebrate Fiesta in the spring. And for years my mother dragged us to all of the crappy parades. (I really need to blog about that.) So, in my mind the Madi Gras costumes would be kinda like the Fiesta dress. This means that somewhere in the back of my mind I was a little prepared for this… Queen Cheryl.


However, I was not prepared for this… King Brett. I can’t decide if he looks like the Disney version of Prince Charming or the Shrek character Lord Farquaad. All jokes aside, I mean he is wearing tights, Brett was amazing, sweet as could be, and milked his night for all it was worth. The only person more excited to be a part of the festivities was Queen Cheryl herself.

Here are a few photos to wrap it up.

Thank you Queen Cheryl and LSU Friend for inviting me to this amazing event. As if y’all couldn’t tell, I had a great time.

Coming soon: LSU Friend giving jazz hands in the car, Cupcake’s obsession with some woman who looked like a “lady of the night”, reactions to Lil Blount’s interesting headgear, and is "coonass" a derogatory word in Louisiana...

A Funny Little Conversation Between Brother In Law and Myself...

Exciting news... Top Chef recap is already up and ready for viewing. Check it out HERE.

Last night just as I was sitting down to see what kind of shenanigans Jamie was going to get herself into this week, I got sucked into an interesting conversation with Brother In Law via text messaging. So, I thought I'd share it with you... word for word. You can file this under reasons I love that my sister picked him to spend the rest of her life with.

Brother In Law: "Do you think Angelo has both male and female genitalia?"

Me: "Please don't insult my gender."

Brother In Law: "Bahahahaha. He's such a bitch... Tre is huge and black. I think he could maybe kick my ass."

Me: "Yeah, but don't you think if I just flicked Marcel in the nose he would run away crying???"

Brother In Law: "Yeah. I wish Tre would step on Marcel and use Angelo to wipe the smear off the bottom of his foot. But I hope Asian Dale or Black Tiffany wins."

Me: "If Black Tiffany wins, I'll shoot myself."

Brother In Law: "Why?! I love her."

Me: "Okay so she's nice and all but face it, she kinda sucks."

Brother In Law: "Is it cuz she's black? Fuckin racist."

And that's where I'm going to stop because I promised my parents I would try not to cruse so much in my writing.

(Oh, and I'm not a racist.)

One Week Down: Cursing at Boyfriend, Diet Coke, and Pounds Lost...

At the end of today I will have been on my diet for exactly one week. While I am happy... well ecstatic I have made it through one week, it has been excruciatingly hard. Here’s how the past week has run down.

Day 1: I AM STARVING!!! Literally I went to bed that night and I dreamt about food. In my dream my family and I were moving from one house to another, but instead of driving or flying we were walking. Yeah, just like we were out for a stroll in the woods, except we were walking to a new house and following us were 500 men carrying all of our household goods. It was cold and rainy and we were walking through some giant forest hoping to make it to our new home before school started for me and my sister (although we looked our respectable 20 something age for some reason we would be back in grade school), and all I could think about in my dream was, “Man, I’m in the mood for peanut butter. Like if all of the sudden some peanut butter popped up over there on that fallen tree stump I would be all over that. But wait. Crap. Can I eat peanut butter? Is that allowed on my diet? Oh, I hope I can eat peanut butter…” Yeah, it had been one day people and I was so deprived of food I was dreaming about the crunchy, creamy goodness that is Jif Extra Chunky. And the last time I ate peanut butter… probably like 4 years ago. FML.

Day 2: This happened after dinner that night.

Me: (to myself) “I’m still hungry. I’m going to eat a Laughing Cow Cheese wedge (LOVE THEM!)."

Boyfriend (hearing the fridge open): “What are you getting?”

Me: “Just a little Cheese for dessert.”

Boyfriend: “Let me have a bite.”

Me (stopping mid-stride while walking back to the couch): “Are you fucking for real?”

Boyfriend (looking around nervously): “Um, yeah…”

Me: “This is my dessert! Do you realize that?!?! This is all I get! You can go in there and eat sour cream and onion potato chips till you burst or Oreo cookies with milk, WHOLE MILK!!! But, for me this tiny little wedge of cheese is all I get! Fuck you. You cannot have a bite of my cheese!!!”

Boyfriend: “Geez, all I wanted was a bite.”

Me: "Get your own!"

Boyfriend: “I don’t want my own I just want a bite of yours.”

Me: “Hell no, buddy.”

Then I gave him a tiny bite out of guilt because I yelled at him. And if I yell at Boyfriend I feel like the diet wins. And, the diet can not win...

Day 4: Day 4 was my first day going to a restaurant while on the diet. I did okay. I ordered a salad and gave away the quesadilla-like breed that came with. It did, however, have corn on it and corn is a no- no. My bad. The big thing that started on day 3 was the craving for Diet Coke. Background info here… I’m not a “soda person”. I used to drink them when I was younger and then my parents stopped buying as many so I stopped drinking them. They weren’t a hard thing to give up. I probably drink 10 to 15 Cokes a year. As much as I’m not a “soda person” I am totally, 100% an unsweetened ice tea person. I crave it. I rate restaurants by how good their tea tastes. I ask boyfriend to pick it up for me if he is coming home. I can down gallons of the stuff. Since I’ve started this diet I think I have only had it once. All I want is Diet Coke. Now, it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to see that I’ve completely cut carbs and sugar out of my diet and my cravings are making up for the lack of sugar in something else. I get it. I get it that my brain is tricking me. You know what; I’m so okay with that.

On Saturday Ted came over to pick up Boyfriend. The very first thing he did was get some ice out of the freezer and pour a Diet Coke into a plastic glass. The entire time I’m doing some cleaning in the house and carrying on polite conversation but in my mind I’m thinking this, “How dare you bring Diet Coke into my house and not bring me one you horrible excuse for a human being!!! Give me the Coke!!! Must take the Coke!!!” Yet, out loud I’m saying this, “Yeah, Caddyshack is one of my favorite 80’s films. Well, minus the character Maggie. I F-ing hate Maggie!!!” As soon as I had the chance I drove to the corner store and bought a Diet Coke.

Day 4 (nighttime): That night I went out to eat again. LSU Friend, Cupcake, and I all went to Hide Park Grill. Hide Park is known for one thing. It’s so well known for this one thing that the sign in front to the building is a fork spearing this magnificent dish. French Fries. Not just any French Fries, these have been dipped in buttermilk before they are fried and they are served with a Chipotle Mayonnaise! They take me back to eating Belgium Fries while shopping in Germany. They are nostalgic, yummy goodness and I love them. But I could not eat them.

However, I did order their salmon with green beans and broccoli. I specifically wanted to order the salmon because I wanted leftovers to make this recipe I found on the website Kalyn’s Kitchen. This website is amazing! Check it out to learn all about her, but long story short a few years ago she lost a whole lotta weight using South Beach and now she has a great blog sharing her favorite recipes she has created and modified from other cookbooks and websites to be South Beach friendly. They are so good! I’ve made White Chili with Chicken and Breakfast Egg Muffins which I dip in salsa to get my kinda breakfast taco fix. (Because OMG have I been going through breakfast taco withdraws. I mean addictions are hard to break.) I’ve also done Shrimp with Dijon Mustard sauce which Boyfriend loved as well, and another chili. Thank you Kalyn. Thank you internet.

Tonight will mark one week down on my journey to a skinnier Lemon Lady.

Things I’ve learned…

Diet Coke – good
Picture of brownies on a blog I read – bad
Laughing Cow Cheese with everything – good
Listening to Boyfriend munch on chips – bad
Snacking at work – good
Not drinking – bad
Losing 4 pounds in a week – good
Going to Baton Rouge and New Orleans on Thursday – well that could be bad but I’m going to try my best…

Coming Soon, Where My Baby Daddy Is Off To, and Khloe Kardashian...

It’s time for another super awkward, super embarrassing blog post… but not quite yet. I’m going to string ya’ll along just a little bit longer because I have amazing photographic evidence of this happening and I don’t have it with me right now. I promise though, that when you see it, it will be worth your wait.

On another note, Top Chef ALL STAR recaps are back and should be posted sometime this evening here. Sorry I didn’t write one for the last episode but it was Christmas and I got sick and I mean Spike was kicked off so nothing crazy happened or anything.

Have you heard that my future Baby Daddy Vince Young was fired from the Tennessee Titans? People are speculating that he could go to one of five teams: Arizona Cardinal (AKA the most boring team ever), Washington Redskins (AKA the grossest team ever… seriously I judge people when they tell me they are a Redskins fan. This is probably the one team I couldn’t root for even if they got Vince.), Miami Dolphins (AKA the team I would be happy for if they picked up VY), San Francisco 49ers (AKA the team I should hate, but don’t and also the team that should be better than they are and maybe Vince could help them be awesome.) Seattle Seahawks (AKA the team that is NEVER on TV and thus I would never get to see my Baby Daddy unless I go the bar and spend mucho dinero.) Pretty much I’m sad this list leaves out the Vikings which means I’ll never get to see Young and Peterson together as they should have been since college.

Again, completely random thought… what was up with the fashion at the People’s Choice Awards last night? Now, usually I would just ignore this silly award show as the top winner for the night was Twilight, but since it’s the first of the award season and I’m desperate for some fashion since January fashion mags leave much to be desired, I couldn’t help looking through Yahoo’s slideshow of photos. Then, I did and I wish I hadn’t. This is the only one that stuck out to me… Am I a fan of the Kardashians… not really. I’ll be honest I always thought Kim and Reggie Bush would have made adorable babies and I once saw their True Hollywood Story on E! and I think it’s really sweet that on the anniversary of their father’s death instead of visiting his grave they all go out and eat Lebanese food. What I like about this photo is Khloe, who usually looks like a tall giant who might at any moment try to eat her siblings, looks really pretty. Yeah, sure she’s pushing the Angelina Jolie look a little too far wearing a dress that looks like the long lost love child or these two dresses, but hey when you can out shine four giant boobs in sparkly dresses you’ve have a pretty good night.

New Year's Resolutions: The Good, The Bad, and the "Are My Thighs That Ugly"?

Wow.

Loyal Lemon readers may I just say, “My bad”.

I meant to take off a few days for Christmas while I was in San Antonio with the fam. I did not mean to be MIA for 15 days!!! The day before I was scheduled to head home and the day before my birthday, I got sick and I lived off a supreme mixture of DayQuil, NyQuil, and ChexMix until two days ago. (That is minus the two beers and half a pitcher of Margaritas I had on my birthday and the glass of Champaign on New Year’s Eve.) But, I’m better now. I’m back into the normal work, blog, eat, sleep, be amused by Boyfriend routine.

Let’s talk the New Year!

Hello 2011!

First of all, question… What do we call 2011? In the 90’s (can you believe they were over ten years ago?!?!) we said, “95” or “99”. Then in the 2000s it was, “03” or “07”. I kept up the “oh” years and always called 2010, “oh10”. But, “oh11” sounds weird. But then so does just 11, and who wants to take the time to say, “2011”? I’ll tell you who doesn't, the Lady who just spent 10 minutes writing about it, that’s who.

A lot of blogs I read have dealt with resolutions. Sister over at Tales of the Mouse, wrote them out in a neat list and then informed all her readers that although the look, sound, and maybe smell just like New Year’s Resolutions, they are in fact not resolutions, but just things she would like to accomplish in the new year. Right… Sis… New Friend A (who writes A Dash of Perspective) doesn’t believe in resolutions, but she has a whole list of things she wants to change or start doing in the New Year. Again, that sounds a whole lot like a resolution, but since I don’t know her as well as Sister, I’ll let it slide.

Here are my bold, boring, in your face 2011 Resolutions…

1. Lose Weight. I know, I know, way to be original Lemon Lady… but the truth is I REALLY NEED TO! In a few weeks I’m going on a quick little road trip to Baton Rouge with LSU Friend, Cupcake, and another friend of ours. We will be attending a Mardi Gras Ball (which wow that spelling looks weird, but I Googled it and that is how you spell Mardi Gras…) where I will be required, like LSU Friend is really twisting my arm, to dress up in a long gown. Now, I already have such a dress from a wedding I attended a few years ago, but I couldn’t resist going to Nordstroms the other day and trying on dresses. Um, the point of this story is I had to try on a dress with an obscenely large number on the tag. Now, I know you should dress in clothes that fit and not sizes you wish you could fit you fat ass into and I’ve always thought people who couldn’t just look at how pretty they were in the clothes and not what size the clothes are, were crazy. That is until I saw that number sewn into the back of that beautiful royal blue dress and I realized that under those light air chiffon layers were a stomach bulge bigger than I’ve ever had a fat thighs.

So, Lose Weight… I can’t really decide on a goal number of pounds to shed, so I’m taking baby steps. Today I started the South Beach Diet and “like totally for real this time”. I tried South Beach a few months ago, but stopped when I really wanted a Spice Chicken Sandwich from Chick-A-Filet and then fries and then maybe fried pickles that night at the movies… My first goal is to just make it through the first two weeks, which are the crazy “if you even look at a carb you are cheating YOU WEAK PIECE OF SCUM” weeks. Baby Steps. I will also be at least walking (hopefully running sometime soon) 4 times a week. I don’t work until 11 AM two days a week and I am usually off early on Friday, so I don’t think this should be a huge deal… Think being the key word there…

2. Save more money. This one is pretty simple. I make a pretty good living and don’t have children or student loans or huge credit card payments, so I should have more money in the bank.

3. Start a book journal. I read a lot and my wonderful mother has inspired me to keep a journal of books I read. She started hers last year, and after looking through it I can’t believe I didn’t think of this sooner. All mom does is write the title and author, a sentence or two on the plot, and then she grades the book on a 1 to 3 stars system. Genius. I will probably write more about the book than my mom (I can’t resist with all the cool new pens I got in my stocking) but I like her 1,2, or 3 star rankings. Oh, and I already finished a book, and it was awesome so I can start in a high note!

4. Find and buy a calendar mouse pad. Last year an organization that works with my company gave us calendar mouse pads and I loved mine! And I used mine! And it was awesome… but alas… it was only for the oh10, so I keep looking at it and it’s completely useless and I’m starting to hate it and my dependency on it!!! So keep your eyes peeled and let me know if you see one, so I can make my work-self happy again.

Chistmas Traditions: Food, Funny Hats, and More Food...

Update! It’s the week of Christmas and I’ll be around till Thursday with a few fabulous blogs posts, but after that I’ll probably be MIA until Wednesday the 29th while I’m living it up with my family in San Antonio. Hopefully I’ll be back that day, that day after my birthday(!), with some Christmas stories. Nothing too embarrassing…

Moving on…

Let’s talk Christmas! I love Christmas so much! Honestly I might even say I love it more now that I’m older. Sure I don’t have those butterflies in my stomach Christmas Eve night while I try to force myself to sleep because the sooner you fall asleep the sooner morning comes and the sooner you can see what Santa brought you, but I’ve traded those butterflies for wishing and willing time would slow down for those few precious hours we all get to spend together as a family. So, I thought I would dedicate today’s blog post to my favorite Christmas traditions with my family.

Stockings. It is no secret at all that opening my stocking is my favorite, favorite, favorite part of Christmas morning. In my family we all buy each other fun little gifts, wrap them, and add them to each other’s stocking while they aren’t looking. On Christmas morning while we are opening the gifts, we always thank Santa for the presents even though they were in our stocking way before Santa came on Christmas Eve. (Technicalities, smecnicalities.) My family opens all gifts individually. This includes stockings. Therefore the whole process of my family opening stockings can take a long time for a number of reasons.

1. I want to make my stocking last, so I take my time enjoying it knowing it will be 365 more days until I get to do it again.

2. My mother TAKES FORVER OPENING PRESENTS because she refuses to rip the pretty paper. This means she tries to pry the tape up off the paper as neatly as possible and then (yeah it gets worse) she has to fold the paper into a small square before actually opening the box or looking at the gift. You can see how with Birthday gifts or under the tree gifts this is annoying and time consuming, but when she is doing this for twenty little, tiny gifts in her stocking… well… it can take a whole lot of time.

3. This year Nephew has a stocking and I won’t get to be the first to open my stocking. Yes, I have no problem acting like a 6 year old and letting this kinda upset me. Boo little kids in the family! (Yeah I get this has nothing to do with “time allowed to open stocking gifts” like 1 and 2, but I thought it deserved a number.)

Christmas Eve Dinner. We have the same things to eat every year on Christmas Eve. We snack on shrimp, meatballs, tamales, spinach balls, cheese dip, veggies, cookies, guacamole, and Champagne (Sprite in Champagne glasses when my sister and I were growing up). What is kinda funny about this menu is we eat the exact same things when we would decorate the Christmas tree (which we always made a family affair) and on New Year’s Eve, yet never any other non December holidays. We always eat on paper plates, but use my parent’s wedding crystal for the alcohol.

Christmas Dinner.

We have no traditions for what we eat for Christmas dinner, which I think is weird. My Sister and I would flip out if there were no spinach balls on the buffet Christmas Eve, but we have no “must haves” for Christmas dinner. I find this incredibly odd because my family revolves around food! Seriously the food and menu is the most important part of family events. We plan vacations around how many meals we can fit into the trip. “Two days in Key West? That’s not enough time to eat here and here and here and oh we have to eat there and there and here... We must stay another day!” All of our best stories start, “This one time we were in X Country eating X…” Yet, every year a few weeks before Christmas my mother calls me and asks me what I would like for Christmas dinner. We’ve had the usual turkey and ham, but we’ve also sat down to pheasant and beef tenderloin. This year I believe quail will be on our table.

Christmas Crackers. We may have no food traditions for Christmas dinner but we always have Christmas Crackers. No, you don't eat them, they're a British tradition we picked up living on the other side of the pond and it’s a fun one to keep around. How you use them is two people hold the cracker by the paper string that comes out both ends. At the same time the two people pull hard and the paper breaks in the middle causing a loud, “SNAP”. Then you open the cracker and inside of it is a crappy toy, a horrible British joke, and a fun paper crown that if you are sitting at the table with my family must be worn the rest of the meal. Got to love the English! Yes, we are very cute in our hats. No, it wasn't Christmas, but actually last New Years Eve. I didn't lie when I said this would be Boyfriend's very first Christmas with my family.

Garth Brooks’ “Beyond The Season”.

BEST CHRISTMAS CD EVER. You know what’s not the best Christmas CD ever? Garth Brook’s other, newer Christmas CD called “The Magic of Christmas”. It really kinda sucks. Beyond the Season is amazing, though, and every song on that CD reminds me of my family and Christmas. It starts with the best version of Go Tell it on The Mountain ever which I love and ends with the classic, What Child Is This sung absolutely beautifully (don't you love that word pair english teachers) by a pre-divorce, pre-Chris Gains, pre-In Pieces (aka the Aint Going Down Till The Sun Comes Up Album where he wears that horrible black and red boxes shirt) Garth Brooks. Two of my favorite Christmas songs that aren’t “classics” come from this album. “The Gift” (which will always remind me of my dad) makes me cry. It’s beautiful, not cheesy which is hard to do in a Christmas song. Also, “The Friendly Beasts” (which I love) is about the animals that were also in the manger on the night of Jesus’ birth. His version of Silent Night is my favorite as well, even with his monolog in the middle about him and his wife trying to make it home for Christmas in bad weather. Love. So. Much.

Brought Together By Richard Dreyfuss...

Boyfriend and I have been together for four and a half years. Whenever I tell people this they are surprised and usually a little shocked. Next comes the big question, “Why aren’t y’all married?” First of all, how awkward of a question is that? Who are you to demand to know anything that personal about my relationship?

“Why aren’t y’all married?”

“Because I’m an avid fan of Brad and Angelina and will only marry after they do.”

“Because I have refused the 17 different rings he has proposed with because they aren’t big and sparkly enough.”

“Because I’m allergic to white dresses and large cakes.”

“Because we can’t afford to go on a Honeymoon to the Maldives.”

“Because I’m a nihilist and therefore I don’t believe in anything including marriage.”

How about, “DIVORSE SCARES THE SHIT OUT OF ME AND I WANT TO MAKE ABSOLUTE SURE THAT THIS PERSON IS THE ONE I WANT TO SPEND THE REST OF MY LIFE WITH AND THAT HE WANTS TO SPEND THE REST OF HIS LIFE WITH ME AND WALKING DOWN THE AISLE IN A PRETTY DRESS CAN WAIT UNTIL WE’RE DAMN WELL READY AND IT’S NONE OF YOUR FUCKING BUSINESS!!!”

Now that I’ve gotten that off my chest, here is reason 5,347,273 that Boyfriend and I are meant to be… (Oh, and it’s not all lovey dovey so please keep reading.)

When Boyfriend and I started dating he made me watch one of his favorite movies he used to watch a lot growing up called Let It Ride. Made in 1989 it stars Richard Dreyfuss as Jay Trotter, a man who on the day he decides to give up gambling forever and really make his marriage work gets a tip on a winning horse at the local race track and then his luck keeps him going all day. It’s really funny and has become one of my favorite movies. The movie script was adapted from Jay Cronley’s book Good Vibes. A few years ago, Boyfriend and I tried to go buy the book and we found out that it has been out of print for years and years, thus making it rare and pretty expensive.

Which brings me to the question, “What to get Boyfriend for Christmas”. Now I know he made a great list, but I wanted to really surprise him and finally buy him the book we always talk about reading, but never actually have, Good Vibes. So, right before Thanksgiving I got online and started looking for the book on various sites. The cheapest one I found was for almost two hundred, so I decided to just keep watching it and maybe it will go down or I can find it somewhere local. A couple weeks later I completely changed my mind about my gift to him and got him something different. End of story… right?

No.

The other day Boyfriend and I were hanging at the house when he turned to me and said, “So, I’m going to tell you what I almost got you for Christmas, but then I didn’t get it for you, so I can tell you now without you getting mad.”

“Okay”

Yeah, he then went on to describe how he wanted to get me the book Good Vibes, but they’ve gotten really expensive and he just can’t spend that much money on one book. Then I got the greatest flash forward scene ever in my head. Picture this, it’s Christmas morning and we’re sitting on my parents couch with Mom, Dad, Sister, Brother in Law, Nephew, and Grandma Texas. There is a fire in the fireplace and the tree is decorated all beautiful and we’re drinking mimosas and there is wrapping paper and gift boxes all over. In our hands are the gifts we are exchanging. At the same time we unwrap them together only to find THE EXACT SAME book. But not something we picked up at Barnes and Nobles. Not a book that is on the best sellers list, but the exact same rare, out of print book we had to hunt for online.

And that is the 5,347,273 reason why I love my boyfriend and I know we will be together forever even if we aren’t married.

Quick Thursday Top Chef thoughts...

First and foremost, the Top Chef Recap will be here sometime this evening.

How awesome was last night's challenge!?!?

How awesome was the "cheftestants" actually getting to cook and not just making trail mix for 8 year olds and granola and fruit for their parents?!?!

Mike said, "I do a lot of lamb". Hahaha...

BTW, Boyfriend and I have totally eaten at a David Burke Restaurant, Primehouse, the last time we went to Chicago. It was the amazing restaurant we actually had delivered straight to our room at the James Hotel. (I mean how cool is eating bone-in filet Mignon that has been aged for 75 days in a Himalayan salt tiled room right there in the restaurant in your amazing, beautiful, gorgeous hotel room wearing your plush, white, hotel bathrobes!) So we felt really cool. (It doesn't take much...)

Also I've wanted to eat at Wylie Dufresne's wd~50 for like three years now, and from what I saw last night, yup, still want to eat there...

Cupcake, Cooper, and Tie Die...

This past Sunday I met up with LSU Friend and Cupcake for a fun afternoon of eating, drinking, and Tie Die. We went to Zocalo and (horary) I didn’t want to kill anyone. Two stacked enchiladas and a pitcher of mixed frozen sangria/margaritas later the three of us headed to Cupcake's house for some tee shirt dying fun.

(By the way, I know many of you (i.e. Dad) have some stereotypical ideas about what people do in Austin. So, no, we don’t Tie Die all the time! And no, we weren’t taking bong hits and listening to Bob Schneider either. Just wanted to clear that up.)

This is my friend Cupcake. (Gotta love stealing photos from Facebook.)

Isn’t she adorable? On top of the adorable thing, Cupcake is literally (and y’all know I hate when people misuse the word literally) the nicest person I’ve ever met. Cupcake likes esty.com, Anthopology, Glee, and of course cupcakes. She has cupcake ornaments on her Christmas tree, cupcake photos on her walls, a cupcake hanger thing on the back of her front door, and every cupcake making do-dad known to man. Also she has and teeny tiny little cupcake tattoo. Seriously adorable. She’s a nurse… in a children’s hospital. She takes care of her nephews and friend’s children like they are her own. She does yoga and ballet and river surfing. She was really upset this past weekend that someone at her work, who is crazy, might, maybe, kinda sorta not like her. She is the nicest person in the world.

She is also a cat person.

This is Cooper Seris, Cupcake’s cat.

This is Cooper Seris getting into his Santa outfit on Sunday to show LSU Friend and me.
Cupcake: “Cooper Seris! Hold still silly. You know you love your Santa Outfit. Don’t you want our friends to see you all dressed up?”
Cooper Seris: “Stop holding me down woman!”


Cupcake: “Look how cute your little waist is…”
Cooper Seris: “I die. My hips are huge in this thing.”

Cooper Seris: “If you put this picture on the web I will hunt you down and gut you like a fish.”

Cupcake: (standing next to me) “Cooper! Look this way. Look at Momma. Cooper…”
Cooper Seris: “Come on lady. Take the flipping photo already…”


Cooper Seris: “I fucking hate my life.”



Cupcake: “Smile for me, kitty...”
Cooper Seris: “Someone kill me now.”

Oh and here are two pictures of our tie died onesies and tee shirts.