2011 Acadamy Awards: Graded Dresses, James Franco, and Poor Amy Adams...

So.. um.. the Academy Awards were on last night…

I seriously don’t really know where to start when talking about the Oscars. Red Carpet reviews? The hosting? Who won what? Who said what? The fact that Kurt Douglas might be the creepiest old guy ever? So many things are running though my head.

I guess let’s start at the beginning.

The Red Carpet

Mila Kunis gets an A+ in Elie Saab I’ve already confessed my love for this girl and talked about how she might just be the prettiest thing ever, but she knocked it out of the park last night. At first I thought this was Rodart because of all the detailing and delicate layers, but no it’s Elie Saab. The color is gorgeous, the train in dramatic but not over the top (take notes Halle Berry), and yes, I even like the “boob tattoos” (as my sister called them). I love that she finally put some jewelry on, as that was really my only issue with her Globes dress. Yup, I love this.

Scarlett Johansson gets a B in Dolce & Gabbana If I judged Scarlett on the first split second I saw her he would have scored a whole lot higher than a B. I actually think this dress looks better in photos that it did last night on the televised Red Carpet. I love the color of the dress and red funky almost red eye shadow. My problem is that the dress is too tight. GO UP A SIZE! I mean she probably wears a size 2 (which is so curvy in Hollywood) but yet I can’t keep looking at her tummy in this photo. Also girl had, well, issues walking. Look, the Red Carpet is only 300 meters long, but young Hollywood should be able to walk those 300 meters not looking like me when I’m trying on shoes in Target and they’re held together by those elastic bands so people don’t switch the sizes and buy one size 6 for their right foot and an 8 and a half for their left. She was already handicapped this awards season by losing her delicious hunky husband, she doesn’t need to also be held back by her too tight dress.

Amy Adams gets an F in L’Wren Scott I hate this. I hate this so much. I’m sorry New Friend A because I know how much you love Amy and the color blue, but she is worst dressed on my list. Everything about this look is wrong. The dress is way to top heavy with the high neck AND cap sleeves. Between the high neck, necklace, and her hair down she has absolutely no neck. (And if I’ve leaved anything from watching 16 seasons of America’s Next Top Model you never what to lose your neck…) And her hair… it doesn’t look good. I’m sorry, but there is a reason for updos and this is it. Hair gets blown and pushed aside and flattened and smashed in the limo and it just goes limp outdoors in real weather. Some people have enough texture or body that they can fight against Mother Nature, but Amy Adams... not so much. I mean I get it. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve curled my hair and fought my natural straight flat hair, but the moment I step outside humidity is like, “oh Hell no!” and wah wah… limp Amy Adams hair. Oh, and the trend I loved the most on the Red Carpet last night was everyone wearing green gems, but I think her jewelry is over kill. Sorry. Yeah. I kinda hated the whole look.

Hailee Stienfeld in Marchesa gets a B+ She has looked so adorable and well dressed at all the award shows this season that she was the one I was most looking forward to see last night. I like that she changed things up for the Oscars, but still looks like a young girl. It’s the first time she’s worn her hair up, but the head band still makes it young. It’s big and puffy, but not a floor length ball gown. And I would have killed for those shoes when I was 14. Actually I still might kill for those shoes…

Nicole Kidman gets a D in Dior Couture Let the napkin jokes begin! Excuse me; let the bedazzled napkin jokes begin! Boyfriend’s Sister called her “bottom heavy” while my own sister just asked, “WFT is Nicole Kidman wearing?” I answered her question as realistically as possible when I said, “A very ugly origami wedding cake, duh.” Okay, but enough with the jokes. I mean I get it. It’s Dior… Couture… it’s fancy. Nicole takes risks, blah, blah, blah. But what about her hair? Her bangs look like mine right now. They look like she can’t quite make up her mind if she wants to keep cutting them or grow them out so she’s trying the “push them to side the side” method. Like I said, I get it. I’m going that right now, but I know how to bobby pin them and hair spray them so they don’t spring up over your forehead like a Red Sea wave. Just saying.

Penelope Cruz in L’Wren Scott gets an A Amy Adam, this is how you wear L’Wren Scott. Penelope had a baby like 5 minutes ago and looks like this. FML.

Natalie Portman in Rodart gets a B Natalie looks very pretty, and the dress is very pretty. And you know home girl is all crazy excited to come and collect her Oscar who everyone already knows is hers, but still in the back of her mind (and probably in her feet) she really just wants to be at home on the couch demanding her slightly weird looking, dancing, baby daddy bring her more vegan ice cream. (If there is such a thing) I like it, but just like little Hailee I liked her Globes and SAG Awards dresses better. The color is beautiful on her and I LOVE the earrings, but I really wish the straps were thinner. Like, I wish they were just the width of the part with the beading. I get the she has pregnant boobies right now, but are they so big they need that much fabric? I don’t think so.

Cate Blanchette gets an A in Givenchy Couture Before you hecklers start screaming through your computers let me explain… First of all I AM A YELLOW WHORE! I can’t control it. Every spring bright yellow things start popping up in stores and I can’t reign myself in. I want yellow t-shirts, yellow throw pillows, yellow bath towels, yellow head bands, yellow nail polish… I can’t stop. I love this color and the pop of yellow on Cate’s dress is fun and unexpected and different! The back makes it for me. I know the front it a little… wonky. I’m not quite sure why she has a purple bead free bib on her boobs, but I don’t care. She looks amazing!

My biggest question to your guys, besides what you thought about the dresses (obviously) is what y’all thought about the hosts? I liked Anne about 60% of the time, which is 50% more than I thought I would and I’m pretty sure James Franco was just stoned and wondering to himself, “wow these people actually let me do this” to himself the whole night. I’ve pretty much decided that James Franco and his buddies stay up really late one night of the year, get super, super high and try to figure out the most random things James could get paid to do for the next year.

Things on Jame’s “I’m high and might wanna do this later” list… (that he has actually done)

Saw my arm off on camera
Be a soap opera star now that I’m a huge movie star
Teach a class at an ivy league school about the wonders of being James Franco
Host the Oscars (why? BECAUSE I CAN!!!)

Oh, and I’ll probably have to do a review of Anne’s hosting dresses. (why? BECAUSE I CAN!!!)

The Sag Awards Fashion: I Couldn't Help Myself and Neither Could Sofia Vergara...

I really had no plan to recap or write about the SAG awards fashion. Which now that I think about it, I’m not quite sure why. I was crazy excited for the Emmys and I’m super upset that LSU Friend is going to be out of town and thus we can’t hold our annual Oscars Party. (Because doing it two years in a row would make it an annual thing right?) Honestly I forgot about the SAG awards until I flipped on the TV last night and saw they were coming on in ten minutes. Yesterday I drank for the first time since the Baton Rouge Madi Gras Ball and ate fried food for the first time since… I think the beginning of the year. But in my defense LSU Friend and I drove out to Fredericksburg and I think the city council makes you stop at wineries and then eat Wiener Schnitzel with German beer so you are willing to drop your big tourist dollars in stores with furniture like this…
Anyway, so when I got home my tummy wasn’t feeling all that great. So, I dragged some pillows and blankets into the livingroom, made myself comfy on the futon, and turned on the TV. It was either Bridalplasty or the SAG Awards. I choose the later.

Best Dressed - Mila Kunis She almost took the best dressed title at the Emmy's but at the Sag Awards she really had no competition. None of the photos I could find really do this dress justice. When she was walking on stage the reds and pinks and whites mix beautifully together and the belt sparkles adding just a tad bit of pizazz and bling. She completely out shined Natalie Portman (even with her cute PG waddle).

Weirdest Switcheroo – Lea Michele and Amber Rylie

First up, why do you think Lea Michele and Amber Rylie decided to switch dresses? Because Lea’s dress is the skinny bitch version of the sparkly wonder that Amber wore to the Emmys, but whatever because I still love it. Amber on the other hand is wearing the same boring Oscar “you call him Oscar” de La Renta look-a-like gown Lea usually wears to every awards show event.

Best Pnina Wannabe - Angie Harmon Y’all know the dresses I’m talking about. That show on TLC called Say Yes To The Dress show cases them all the freaking time. Pnina Tornia sells her tacky and completely inappropriate dresses to the bitchiest brides from all over the country. You know the ones, they always come shopping with their mothers who swear they are little angels and their best “mean girl” friends who secretly hope they trip down the aisle and are divorced in five years. They talk about having a “fairy tale” wedding and then drop 6 grand on a see through wedding dress that some albino peacock regurgitated the week before. I don’t know how Angie Harmon got trapped in these whorish, bridal feathers, but I fear for District Attorney Abby Carmichael.

Psss… You’ve spilt something Dress – Barbara HersheyPsss… you’ve split something on your dress, Barbara.

Fabulous, Fabulous, Fabulous Couple – Ernest and Tova Borgnine Ernest was being honored for his lifetime in movies and television, and although he looks great, can we please talk about his wife. DAMN TOVA! I saw her last night sitting next to him and couldn’t wait to see her full look from the red carpet. After Googling her I found out that she is the fifth wife of Ernest, has had a skin care line called Beauty of Tova for 21 years, and is Norwegian. See, you do learn something new everyday. I love her dress. I love her giant hair. Bravo Ernest for landing such a hottie.

Where did she go? – Guiliana Rancic Have you guy seen that episode of Family Guy where Chris becomes a famous artist and move to New York and starts dating Kate Moss except he’s always losing her because she’s so skinny and fall through floor boards and blows away in the wind. I think Family Guy’s animated version of Kate Moss has been Guiliana’s inspiration for just a little too long. Say it with me, “EAT A CHEESEBURGER”!!!

Most Adorable – Hailey Stienfeld Love her! I’m thinking the dress could have just been straight to the floor without the little poof at the bottom, but whatever. The colors totally make up for any “poofing”. It’s fun to see pink and orange on the red carpet on a young girl who can wear super bright colors together and still look appropriate. Just like at the Emmy’s, I love her natural hair and lack of crazy fancy diamonds. Keep it up Hailey and please, please, please fight for the role of Katniss in the movie version of the Hunger Games!!!

Best Lisa Kudro Look-a-like – Heather Morris
Seriously I thought Heather was Lisa… with a whole lot of plastic surgery…

Best for the Pool in Austin – Sarah Hyland
Burnt orange color, check.
Cute tie at the waist, check.
Easy to throw over your swimsuit for a day at the pool or river, check.
Short length to show off my tan legs… crap… I’ll need some scissors.

Best “Did you know I’m sexy” dress – Sofia Vergara
Yeah… she just can't help it.

Golden Globes 2011: The Best, The Ugly, and Then There Was Halle Berry...

Okay, so I’ll be honest with y’all, the Globes were happening live while I was driving home very hungover from Baton Rouge. Boyfriend was great and DVR’ed them for me because I completely 100% forgot that they were that weekend. This means I didn’t really watch the Globes in their entirety, but fast forwarded a whole lot, saw the winners, deleted the recording, and called it a day. I didn’t even get to hear all the widely inappropriate jokes Ricky Grevais spouted out all night. However, I did notice the dresses and every since Sunday I’ve been looking at them all over the internet. Some grew on me and others will always be ugly. Here are my thoughts on the good, the bad, and the “what the hell was she thinking?!?!”

First up, the good…

Best Dressed of the Night… Hailee Stienfeld Yes, she is 15 and can’t drive a car or get into a rated R movie. I don’t care. She looks 100% perfect. The dress is elegant, fitted well, and is totally appropriate for a 15 year old. She’s not showing off her boobies and her hair isn’t up done up like a Stepford Wife. She isn’t wearing 4 million dollars worth of jewelry. I love her turquoise clutch as a little pop of color. This is how young Hollywood should dress. Up and coming Disney stars, please take notes.

Best Color… Mila Kunis First things first, could Mia Kunis be anymore gorgeous? I don’t think so. Ever since That 70’s Show I’ve been waiting for her to be in a fabulous movie, just to see what she would wear on the red carpet. Out of all the green dresses we saw on Sunday night, Mila’s was the best. The emerald is perfect on her skin and it fits beautifully. The only thing I would have changed… a little bolder jewelry and maybe a brighter pink lip.

Best New Comer to the Red Carpet… Emma Stone
Okay, I get that she’s been in other movies. Superbad, anyone? But these Globes being her first, she looks great. I love the minimalist look of the dress and even thought I love Emma as a red head, I love the whole “peaches and cream” look with her blonde hair. Thank you Emma for wearing something different and pulling it off, even if you look like Kate Bosworth's twin.

Best “Inside Baby” Dress… Natalie Portman This dress has been a little controversial on the net. People have seemed to either love it or hate it. Personally I love the dress. It’s cute and playful and again something different. Yeah, she could have just worn a Greek Goddess dress in navy, but she didn’t. I love pink and red together and yes, I love the rose. The necklace is elegant and simple and not competing with the rose (which any jewelry could easily do). The only thing I would change, and yes I know I’m nit picking now, is the bag. I think it’s a little to matchy-matchy with the red rose and red shoes (which are awesome). I think silver would have been a better choice.

Sexiest Man… Kevin McHale I adore with kid! Well… boy… man… 23 year old. I loved him at the Emmy’s last year and I love him here. The jacket is fun and matches the fun show he is on. I mean he’s not nominated for the TV singer version of Schindler’s List. Why not have some fun. His glasses are downright sexy and even Kyra Sedgwick is licking her lips over him in the background. Keep it up Artie! Love, your biggest fan… Lemon Lady

Best Dressed Couple Channeling Michelle Williams and Heath Ledger… Kyra Sedgwick and Kevin Bacon Y’all remember this…
Well here is the 2011 version and I still love it. Yellow is a weakness color for me. Anyone who wears it and pulls it off is automatically a favorite of mine. Anyone who wears it with chunky, awesome gold and turquoise jewelry is even better. Plus, I love those new Kevin Bacon commercials where Kevin Bacon is pretending to be such a Kevin Bacon fan that he turned into Kevin Bacon… so funny.

Dress I’d Most Like to Wear… Amber Riley It’s awesome. She looks awesome. I want to rip it off her body and wear to the grocery store because if I owned a dress like that I would wear it EVERYWHERE!

And the bad…

Most Boring and Blah… Amy Adams I know I might take some slack for this, but I did not like Amy Adam’s dress on Sunday. I thought it was dull and boring and even more boring the more I look at is and try to dissect it. I will admit she looks great and has lost the baby weight. Congrats. Other than that I really don’t have anything nice to say. The color is dull. It’s not a rich navy or a deep royal blue but some “yawn like” in between blue. Plus the fabric that makes up the detail up top looks like formal living room curtains. There is a fan of formal living room curtains coming out of her hips. No bueno.

Ugliest Medieval Dress… Anne Hathaway This looks like chainmail. Like really ugly, gold spray painted chainmail. Or really ugly, gold spray painted back splash kitchen tile. I can’t make up my mind.

Dress Most Likely to Get Kicked Off Project Runway… Elizabeth Moss Bad. Really bad. It is over worked and doesn’t fit. It’s one of those Project Runway dresses where the designer thinks it looks amazing and fabulous and all the other contestants know it’s God awful and ill fitting but they don’t tell that designer and instead let him sink him/herself on the runway. Yeah, one of those…

Worst Barbie… January Jones She looks like Graduation Tassel Barbie… complete with plastic tatas. Not a good look.

Most Confused… Jennifer Love Hewitt Now I know it’s just mean to make fun of JLH. You know she wakes up every morning and looks at herself in the mirror and repeats the same mantra over and over again, “I did not peak in 1998. I did not peak in 1998. I did not peak…” This dress is half “I’m so desperate to married”, half I kinda look a giant clam, and half “am I and investment banker, because I seem to be carrying a giant white briefcase as a purse on the red carpet”.

Dress That Ate 13… Olivia Wilde Nom Nom Nom Nom…

Worst Printed Burlap Bag Dress… Michelle Williams There are good ways to do prints on the red carpet. Y’all remember Kate Hudson at the Golden Globes 7 years ago.
Gorgeous! Michelle Williams… not so much. It seriously looks like a brown canvas bag with ironed on daisies. The flower straps remind me of the sunflower craze in the 1990s. And not cool “oh Marc Jacobs trying to bring grunge back in the slouchy corduroy pant” way, but bad “I wore a dress with sunflowers on the straps to my cousin’s wedding in Oklahoma” way. Seriously all she is missing is the floppy Blossom hat.

Worst of the Night… Julianna Margulies Something must have happened. Something bad because I know Julianna wouldn’t show up to the Golden Globes with her hair thrown up off her face, no lipstick, wearing black Spanx with a pink sheet tied at her waist, and really ugly pointed black bridesmaid’s shoes if something hadn’t gone wrong.

Finally, what y’all have all been waiting for...

The “What the Hell was she thinking” Dress… Halle Berry
Duh.

Check out the Best and Worst hair and makeup from Sunday at A Dash of Perspective and say hi to New Friend A while your at it.