Time, Kickball, and George Michael...

Do you ever look back and wonder where the time goes?

Okay, trust me. I’m not trying to get all sentimental on y’all or anything, but sometimes I have to wonder.

10 years ago I moved to Germany
7 years ago I graduated High School
5 years ago I started dating Boyfriend
3 years ago nephew #1 (The Mouse) came into this world
2 years ago Boyfriend and I officially moved in together
3 months ago we picked up our 17lb Great Dane who now weights at least 65lbs
3 months ago my second adorable nephew (The Froggy) was born
1.5 months ago I start my new, amazing, awesome, fabulous job.

Oh, and as of today I’m a park of BlogHer! In case you haven’t noticed the changes…

Yesterday, Boyfriend and I played our first kickball game of the season. LSU Friend introduced me to her buddy Jen who is captain of the WAKA team “Power Bottoms” (don’t ask) and invited Boyfriend and myself to play. My kickball experience includes the following…

Recess and “Walk and Talk” kickball lover and player at Dare Elementary School 1994 - 1995
Boyfriend’s family annual Easter and Thanksgiving kickball game 2006 – Now

…

So, when I was asked if I wanted to share my ball kicking skills, of course I was all, “Heck yeah!”

Then, to my complete surprise, Boyfriend said he wanted to play as well.

We made it to our first game on time (amazingly), picked up our bright green tee-shirts, and poured our first beers. And, now you understand why I was super excited to play kickball.
1. I get a tee-shirt
2. Beer… and a lot of it

And because I seem to really like lists today, Here is what happened during the game...

Boyfriend made an out.
I kicked a base run.
Boyfriend played in flip flops while half the team was in cleats.
I drank a lot of beer and got bit my mosquitos.
We didn’t win
We didn’t lose
We tied

Go Power Bottoms!!!

Oh, and because I can’t stand not posting cute photos of George Michael.

Bumper Stickers Are To Tattoos As ______ Is To Flying Toaster Octopus?

Yesterday I was walking to my car and I noticed these two bumper stickers stuck to the rear end of an old, white, Saturn in my work’s parking garage.
I actually noticed the one that just says “Twilight” before the other. My first thought was, “Oh is there a 14 year girl working here?” which gave way to, “I didn’t know this was also the parking lot for Hot Topic.” But, it’s the other that I think is truly horrible. “I drive like a Cullen”. Really old, white, Saturn? Why not have a bumper sticker that says, “I drive like a glittery virgin” or maybe “I drive fast so teenage girls think I’m dangerous and I’m creepily over protective of my girlfriend so teenage girl’s dads think I’m dangerous”.

Then I got to thinking about my own car how I have no bumper stickers on Yolanda’s (my car’s name) bumper. See I have this theory that bumper stickers are like tattoos, I’ve always kinda wanted one but I could never commit to something that permanent. Also lots of people have them on their cars but I only like maybe 15% of the ones I see.

So, now I have to wonder if the driver of that old, white, Saturn is this lady.

So let’s dig deeper into this comparison.

Case 1: The Funny Bumper Sticker
I like this. Every time I see this stuck to some Jetta or Civic I smile. This is one of those bumper stickers that I might buy if I was randomly looking at one of those displays of bumper stickers that rotate near the register of some local store if I had just come from happy hour and thus okay with spending 8 dollars on a sticker I know I’m not actually going to stick anywhere. If I was a teenage girl and if all my furniture growing up wasn’t antiques I would stick it to my bedroom’s vanity mirror. It’s funny. So is this guy’s tattoo… I like Harry Potter and I like old school Nintendo and Mario Brothers. Plus the fact that Mario is dressed in the raccoon suit is awesome because if you’re playing Mario 3 you totally want that raccoon suit. But, just like “Republicans Vote for Voldemort” I’m not permanently attaching an Italian dude dressed like a raccoon to my neck… or my car.

Case 2: The Long Worded Bumper Sticker
I get it. Whoever would put this on their car is trying to be funny or maybe ironic, but then again I don’t get it. Because after the first line I’ve stopped reading and I’ve moved on with my life and gone back to watching the street while driving and because it wasn’t funny or mean or sad or just really random I’ve completely forgot about your bumper sticker. So what’s the point?

I about died when I saw this tattoo because unlike the bumper sticker above, I will never forget this tattoo. So many things come to mine when I see this.

One, YOU CAN’T HAVE A BIBLE VERSE AS A TRAMP STAMP!!! I mean I get that I’m not the most religious person out there, but even I know that God and Jesus and Elizabeth Taylor aren’t going to just step aside and let you into Heaven when you are standing outside the pearly gates because you turn around, lift up your Abercrombie shirt, pull your Juicy sweatpants down, and bend over. FAIL.

Two, this is the Bible verse I (and every other little sister) had to read at my sister’s wedding (and ever other sister’s wedding). I happen to be horrible at reading out loud. I always read to fast and skip words or make up words and pronounce other words incorrectly. I hate doing it. So, of course my sister tells me the day before her wedding that I have to stand up in front of all her guests and then read this particular verse. On the day of the wedding I panic midway through and completely lose my place in the passage and skip/make up half the “loves is…” of 1 Corinthians 13.

Three, who actually reads this tattoo in its entirety? If someone comes up to me and wants to show me their tattoo and it turns out to be this, I’d be all, “Love is Patient. Love is kin… oh that’s a cool tattoo I guess…” Your body is not a Kindle. Cut it down in size people. Besides couldn't this girl have saved a whole lot of money, space on her body, and vastly reduces the amount of pain she went through by just getting 1 Corinthians 13 tattooed instead of the whole verse?

Case 3: Being Scary
Here we have a little difference between the bumper sticker and the tattoos. The bumper sticker just announces to the world and other highway travelers that yes, you should be freaked by the presences of my monster truck because yes, I am terrifying. While the tattoos are just that… terrifying.
(I don’t think this one needs more explanations…)

Case 4: Drinking is AWESOME Bumper Stickers
Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE DRINKING. Give me the option between and fresh healthy smoothie and a giant 3000 calorie Margarita and I’ll take that tequila concoction any day. But, drinking and driving… not so awesome. Can you just imagine having this sticker on the back of your car and pulling up at a red light between a car with a MADD bumper sticker and one of those white crosses covered with fake flowers on the side of the road. Wouldn’t you feel like a jack ass?

You know what else isn’t cool. Drinking and tattooing.
Girl readers, have you ever done your make up a little buzzed then gone out and someone took your photo only to past it on Facebook the next day? Then when you look at it and right before you “untag” yourself you have to wonder why you ever thought fake eyelashes were a good idea and who talked you into the bright pink sparkly lipstick? Up that feeling like by 1000 when you drink and tattoo.

Case 5: All Over Bumper Stickers
Just like when I’m stuck in crazy, rush hour traffic I want to be behind this car, if the second coming of the Great Depression happens I want to be stuck behind this guy in the five hour line for apples and bread.

Case 6: Stupid, Dumb, and the WFT Bumper Sticker
Sometimes words aren't needed. What more can I add to a bumper sticker that says "vagina full of centipedes"? Just like what more can I say about this tattoo...

Oh, and this is the only thing I have on my car. I figure because it’s silver and shinny it’s more like jewelry than a tattoo…

Because One West Side Story Post Just Isn't Enough and KILLER CUPCAKE!!!

Yesterday I wrote about my trip to the theatre with LSU Friend and Cupcake to see West Side Story and posted this photo.

It was taken with my old iPhone that has no flash.

This photo was taken with Cupcake’s newer iPhone that has a flash.


As I was writing the post yesterday I texted Cupcake asking her to send me the photo taken on her camera because I knew it turned out better and readers; I only want the best for you. Well, being that Cupcake actually has a life at work being and nurse and finishing grad school and whatnot she didn’t get around to sending it to me until last night. I then get the following text messages from LSU Friend.

(I’m the sane one writing in green.)
Yeah… what???

Oh, and can we go back to the picture for a second. This is the photo LSU Friend is thinks is cute enough to thank me for sending it to her (even though really Cupcake did) by using some weird, 5 year old, Baton Rouge dialect of English. LSU Friend and I are staring at something off to the side and Cupcake, sitting front and center, looks like she is half alien with her evil green eyes and she might just jump out of the picture and devour you whole with her EXTREMELY white teeth. Nom. Nom. Nom.

Apologies and Photos Of Shoes, Bacon Alcohol, and Jorts...

Yeah, yeah, yeah… bad Lemon Lady. Bad blogger. I get it.

Moving on…

My iPhone's Photo Album: Round 2
(see Round 1 HERE)

A few weeks ago Cupcake, LSU Friend and I went to go see West Side Story at UT’s Bass Concert Hall. After chugging the last of our wine from dinner, we raced from the car, ran across three blocks of campus, stopped momentarily at the doors to have our tickets scanned and gawk at a woman who wore an acid washed denim vest with acid washed denim jeans and high top sneakers to the theatre, and then climbed four flights of stairs to our cheap seats up top. Completely out of oxygen (was it scaling the numerous steps or the extreme altitude of being so high up in the audience) and panting, we took our seats just as the curtain was lifted up and the Sharks and Jets started “fighting”.

Can I pause just a moment here to talk about West Side Story in general… I’ll be honest, it wasn’t my favorite. Somehow the act of dancing around and snapping just didn’t do it for me. This coming from a girl who LOVES Starlight Express so much I posted a video of it a few weeks back. I mean I totally believe those British actors on roller skates are trains. I do not, however, believe that sashaying around and executing perfect double turns equals gang fighting in New York. Sorry, but I just don’t buy it. Also, do you think that part of the audition is being able to snap? Like do you think all the actors have to perform a perfect split leap arabesque, sing a solo like… well insert famous Broadway actor here, and then stand in the middle of an empty stage and snap to the lone director in an empty theatre. “What? You can perform fortes all night but can’t snap? Get out of my sight!” Reason 4,528 why I want a new iPhone - better camera with a flash!

The earliest Halloween I can remember my mom dressed my up as Rainbow Bright. I found these shoes at DSW in case I ever want to create and adult version of that look.

And just because I have the coolest, greatest, most awesome dog ever…

This past weekend was all about Blood Marys. It started on Saturday when Boyfriend and I tried out Haddingtons on West 6th. They call themselves an “American Tavern with a British influence”. I could care less what pretentious title they give themselves because they have the mixologist from Fino, Bill Norris. His Bloody was light and smooth and crammed full of flavor. According to our waitress, who was very good, they create their own tomato juice daily. This place defiantly has made my top five Bloody Marys in Austin.

On Sunday I left Boyfriend at home to reseed the back yard and watch the dog, while I headed out with LSU Friend and Lil Blount to continue the Bloody round of Austin. Our first stop was Franks. Housed in the old Starlight building on 4th street the waitress from Haddingtons actually told me the day before that if I was in search of the best Bloody in town I needed to try Franks. Thank you random person I had never met before because OMG Franks Bloody Mary is a true glass of sunshine, rainbows, and designer shoes. I mean look at it. It’s called the Redheaded Stranger and we are strangers no longer. Made with bacon infused Dripping Springs Vodka (in my mind much better than Titos), their own Bloody mix, bacon, cheddar cheese, and comes with a Pearl Beer chaser. Oh, and did I mention that this giant glass of adult Heaven was half off… yeah it was.

Round two on Sunday Bar Chi, a Sushi Bar on Colorado St. It was made with Sake, which is what caught our eyes on the menu outside the restaurant. It was good, don’t get me wrong, but after Franks “infused with Bacon and probably Jesus tears” Bloody… well it was a lot to live up to. But, we sat outside on a nice patio so it was worth the stop. The Bloody Mary was on the small side, but it was also only 4 dollars.

The third Bloody of the day is one of my favorites in Austin. It is the Voodoo Queen from Reds Porch. Made from jalapeño pepper infused vodka and their own in house made mix it is SPICY! Spicy and delicious.

Then I had something called a Southern Peach which was alcohol, alcohol, more alcohol, and a splash of something peach. (Probably peach alcohol) Then I stopped drinking and started dreaming of a nap.

Oh, and while we were there we saw this guy in his AMAZING jorts.

Proof of Awesomeness: Not To Toot My Own Horn Or Anything...

I know these are really late, but better late than never, right?




Two things...

I like that I'm skinnier now than I was in these photos.
I also like that in the second picture it looks like there is a black cat riding on my head. Or hanging out, whatever.

2011 Acadamy Awards: Graded Dresses, James Franco, and Poor Amy Adams...

So.. um.. the Academy Awards were on last night…

I seriously don’t really know where to start when talking about the Oscars. Red Carpet reviews? The hosting? Who won what? Who said what? The fact that Kurt Douglas might be the creepiest old guy ever? So many things are running though my head.

I guess let’s start at the beginning.

The Red Carpet

Mila Kunis gets an A+ in Elie Saab I’ve already confessed my love for this girl and talked about how she might just be the prettiest thing ever, but she knocked it out of the park last night. At first I thought this was Rodart because of all the detailing and delicate layers, but no it’s Elie Saab. The color is gorgeous, the train in dramatic but not over the top (take notes Halle Berry), and yes, I even like the “boob tattoos” (as my sister called them). I love that she finally put some jewelry on, as that was really my only issue with her Globes dress. Yup, I love this.

Scarlett Johansson gets a B in Dolce & Gabbana If I judged Scarlett on the first split second I saw her he would have scored a whole lot higher than a B. I actually think this dress looks better in photos that it did last night on the televised Red Carpet. I love the color of the dress and red funky almost red eye shadow. My problem is that the dress is too tight. GO UP A SIZE! I mean she probably wears a size 2 (which is so curvy in Hollywood) but yet I can’t keep looking at her tummy in this photo. Also girl had, well, issues walking. Look, the Red Carpet is only 300 meters long, but young Hollywood should be able to walk those 300 meters not looking like me when I’m trying on shoes in Target and they’re held together by those elastic bands so people don’t switch the sizes and buy one size 6 for their right foot and an 8 and a half for their left. She was already handicapped this awards season by losing her delicious hunky husband, she doesn’t need to also be held back by her too tight dress.

Amy Adams gets an F in L’Wren Scott I hate this. I hate this so much. I’m sorry New Friend A because I know how much you love Amy and the color blue, but she is worst dressed on my list. Everything about this look is wrong. The dress is way to top heavy with the high neck AND cap sleeves. Between the high neck, necklace, and her hair down she has absolutely no neck. (And if I’ve leaved anything from watching 16 seasons of America’s Next Top Model you never what to lose your neck…) And her hair… it doesn’t look good. I’m sorry, but there is a reason for updos and this is it. Hair gets blown and pushed aside and flattened and smashed in the limo and it just goes limp outdoors in real weather. Some people have enough texture or body that they can fight against Mother Nature, but Amy Adams... not so much. I mean I get it. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve curled my hair and fought my natural straight flat hair, but the moment I step outside humidity is like, “oh Hell no!” and wah wah… limp Amy Adams hair. Oh, and the trend I loved the most on the Red Carpet last night was everyone wearing green gems, but I think her jewelry is over kill. Sorry. Yeah. I kinda hated the whole look.

Hailee Stienfeld in Marchesa gets a B+ She has looked so adorable and well dressed at all the award shows this season that she was the one I was most looking forward to see last night. I like that she changed things up for the Oscars, but still looks like a young girl. It’s the first time she’s worn her hair up, but the head band still makes it young. It’s big and puffy, but not a floor length ball gown. And I would have killed for those shoes when I was 14. Actually I still might kill for those shoes…

Nicole Kidman gets a D in Dior Couture Let the napkin jokes begin! Excuse me; let the bedazzled napkin jokes begin! Boyfriend’s Sister called her “bottom heavy” while my own sister just asked, “WFT is Nicole Kidman wearing?” I answered her question as realistically as possible when I said, “A very ugly origami wedding cake, duh.” Okay, but enough with the jokes. I mean I get it. It’s Dior… Couture… it’s fancy. Nicole takes risks, blah, blah, blah. But what about her hair? Her bangs look like mine right now. They look like she can’t quite make up her mind if she wants to keep cutting them or grow them out so she’s trying the “push them to side the side” method. Like I said, I get it. I’m going that right now, but I know how to bobby pin them and hair spray them so they don’t spring up over your forehead like a Red Sea wave. Just saying.

Penelope Cruz in L’Wren Scott gets an A Amy Adam, this is how you wear L’Wren Scott. Penelope had a baby like 5 minutes ago and looks like this. FML.

Natalie Portman in Rodart gets a B Natalie looks very pretty, and the dress is very pretty. And you know home girl is all crazy excited to come and collect her Oscar who everyone already knows is hers, but still in the back of her mind (and probably in her feet) she really just wants to be at home on the couch demanding her slightly weird looking, dancing, baby daddy bring her more vegan ice cream. (If there is such a thing) I like it, but just like little Hailee I liked her Globes and SAG Awards dresses better. The color is beautiful on her and I LOVE the earrings, but I really wish the straps were thinner. Like, I wish they were just the width of the part with the beading. I get the she has pregnant boobies right now, but are they so big they need that much fabric? I don’t think so.

Cate Blanchette gets an A in Givenchy Couture Before you hecklers start screaming through your computers let me explain… First of all I AM A YELLOW WHORE! I can’t control it. Every spring bright yellow things start popping up in stores and I can’t reign myself in. I want yellow t-shirts, yellow throw pillows, yellow bath towels, yellow head bands, yellow nail polish… I can’t stop. I love this color and the pop of yellow on Cate’s dress is fun and unexpected and different! The back makes it for me. I know the front it a little… wonky. I’m not quite sure why she has a purple bead free bib on her boobs, but I don’t care. She looks amazing!

My biggest question to your guys, besides what you thought about the dresses (obviously) is what y’all thought about the hosts? I liked Anne about 60% of the time, which is 50% more than I thought I would and I’m pretty sure James Franco was just stoned and wondering to himself, “wow these people actually let me do this” to himself the whole night. I’ve pretty much decided that James Franco and his buddies stay up really late one night of the year, get super, super high and try to figure out the most random things James could get paid to do for the next year.

Things on Jame’s “I’m high and might wanna do this later” list… (that he has actually done)

Saw my arm off on camera
Be a soap opera star now that I’m a huge movie star
Teach a class at an ivy league school about the wonders of being James Franco
Host the Oscars (why? BECAUSE I CAN!!!)

Oh, and I’ll probably have to do a review of Anne’s hosting dresses. (why? BECAUSE I CAN!!!)

Random Thoughts: Puppies, Pots, and Songs That Heart Didn't Sing But I Thought They Did...

Can it please be 4 weeks from now so I can bring my puppy home, because OMG how freaking adorable is he???

Boyfriend and I bought art supplies on Sunday to paint new homes for Pedro (for who our fictional third child is named after) and Rasputin. Who says Sister is the artistic one in the family?

Boyfriend and I went to Fredericksburg on Saturday night for dinner with some friends and on the way home I had a near perfect radio experience. We were listening to BobFM and we heard Alannah Miles' Black Velvet (am I the only one who thought Heart sung this song?), John Lennon's Imagine, Alanis Morissette's You Oughta Know, and some other amazing song that I can't remember now because I didn't write it down because I had had three beers but I promise it was awesome as well ALL IN A ROW!!! So because I love y'all so much, check out this klassy (yes, with a k) lady...