Apologies and Photos Of Shoes, Bacon Alcohol, and Jorts...

Yeah, yeah, yeah… bad Lemon Lady. Bad blogger. I get it.

Moving on…

My iPhone's Photo Album: Round 2
(see Round 1 HERE)

A few weeks ago Cupcake, LSU Friend and I went to go see West Side Story at UT’s Bass Concert Hall. After chugging the last of our wine from dinner, we raced from the car, ran across three blocks of campus, stopped momentarily at the doors to have our tickets scanned and gawk at a woman who wore an acid washed denim vest with acid washed denim jeans and high top sneakers to the theatre, and then climbed four flights of stairs to our cheap seats up top. Completely out of oxygen (was it scaling the numerous steps or the extreme altitude of being so high up in the audience) and panting, we took our seats just as the curtain was lifted up and the Sharks and Jets started “fighting”.

Can I pause just a moment here to talk about West Side Story in general… I’ll be honest, it wasn’t my favorite. Somehow the act of dancing around and snapping just didn’t do it for me. This coming from a girl who LOVES Starlight Express so much I posted a video of it a few weeks back. I mean I totally believe those British actors on roller skates are trains. I do not, however, believe that sashaying around and executing perfect double turns equals gang fighting in New York. Sorry, but I just don’t buy it. Also, do you think that part of the audition is being able to snap? Like do you think all the actors have to perform a perfect split leap arabesque, sing a solo like… well insert famous Broadway actor here, and then stand in the middle of an empty stage and snap to the lone director in an empty theatre. “What? You can perform fortes all night but can’t snap? Get out of my sight!” Reason 4,528 why I want a new iPhone - better camera with a flash!

The earliest Halloween I can remember my mom dressed my up as Rainbow Bright. I found these shoes at DSW in case I ever want to create and adult version of that look.

And just because I have the coolest, greatest, most awesome dog ever…

This past weekend was all about Blood Marys. It started on Saturday when Boyfriend and I tried out Haddingtons on West 6th. They call themselves an “American Tavern with a British influence”. I could care less what pretentious title they give themselves because they have the mixologist from Fino, Bill Norris. His Bloody was light and smooth and crammed full of flavor. According to our waitress, who was very good, they create their own tomato juice daily. This place defiantly has made my top five Bloody Marys in Austin.

On Sunday I left Boyfriend at home to reseed the back yard and watch the dog, while I headed out with LSU Friend and Lil Blount to continue the Bloody round of Austin. Our first stop was Franks. Housed in the old Starlight building on 4th street the waitress from Haddingtons actually told me the day before that if I was in search of the best Bloody in town I needed to try Franks. Thank you random person I had never met before because OMG Franks Bloody Mary is a true glass of sunshine, rainbows, and designer shoes. I mean look at it. It’s called the Redheaded Stranger and we are strangers no longer. Made with bacon infused Dripping Springs Vodka (in my mind much better than Titos), their own Bloody mix, bacon, cheddar cheese, and comes with a Pearl Beer chaser. Oh, and did I mention that this giant glass of adult Heaven was half off… yeah it was.

Round two on Sunday Bar Chi, a Sushi Bar on Colorado St. It was made with Sake, which is what caught our eyes on the menu outside the restaurant. It was good, don’t get me wrong, but after Franks “infused with Bacon and probably Jesus tears” Bloody… well it was a lot to live up to. But, we sat outside on a nice patio so it was worth the stop. The Bloody Mary was on the small side, but it was also only 4 dollars.

The third Bloody of the day is one of my favorites in Austin. It is the Voodoo Queen from Reds Porch. Made from jalapeño pepper infused vodka and their own in house made mix it is SPICY! Spicy and delicious.

Then I had something called a Southern Peach which was alcohol, alcohol, more alcohol, and a splash of something peach. (Probably peach alcohol) Then I stopped drinking and started dreaming of a nap.

Oh, and while we were there we saw this guy in his AMAZING jorts.

How I Was Diagnosed With "Magazine Tourettes"...

My co-worker reminded me that I am going to 27 this year. Holy crap! I’m not going to start ranting or anything because I know I have older readers and I don’t want to be “that young girl” who won’t shut up about how 27 is so… old. But, when my co-worker brought up that age a light bulb went off in my head. Hello Lemon Lady! This is why Sunday was so hard.

You see, back in the day I could put the drinks back. I could party all night and rally very quickly the next morning with only a few breakfast tacos and a big ‘ol ice tea. I could go downtown, stumble out of the bars at 2, catch a cab home, throw up, go to bed, and be at work with a smile on my face to open the store I worked for at 9 AM. If I had pancakes at Kerby Lane or a Best Wurst on 6th before the ride home I was even better. I can no longer drink like this! I mean I was drunk on Saturday don’t get me wrong. But I was not falling down, throwing up, forgetting how to play blackjack drunk. (BTW I now know why blackjack dealers say out loud the number you have, because although I knew how to play the game on Saturday night, adding the numbers on the cards was tough.) I guess what I’m trying to say is that on Sunday I was just stupid. Seriously the whole day I felt slow and dumb.

Luckily all I had to do was ride in the car home without embarrassing myself. Unfortunately, I could not do this.

LSU Friend and Lil Blount diagnosed me with Magazine Tourettes.

Magazine Tourettes is a little know syndrome where the person who is afflicted cannot read a magazine without reading aloud random tidbits of information or commenting about articles they read or ads they see.

The February issue of InStyle was the demon that set off my Magazine Tourettes.

I think it should be known first that I absolutely love magazines. Seriously, not a lot of things can hold my attention better than a new, shinny, and glossy magazine. I’m addicted to the smooth pages. I love everything about magazines. I love analyzing the cover stories. I like scrutinizing the advertisements. I read them cover to cover. Honestly, I’ll read anything if it is giving to me in a magazine like way. Consumer Reports vacuum cleaner issue? Sure, I’ll read it. Rolling Stones cover the Jonas Brothers? Why not? Star Magazine makes up some story about Angelina dying in rehab? I’m all over that. Really I’m not picky.

I don’t usually buy InStyle, so opening that large fashion magazine was like a little treat.

Me: “Oh, that bag is nice…”

Cupcake (sitting next to me): “Are you talking to me?”

Me: “Um… Yeah… Look at this cute white bag.”

Cupcake: “Oh, cute.”

Four minutes later…

Me: “Oh? Is that bag leather or cloth?”

Cupcake (looking up from the magazine she is reading): “What?”

LSU Friend (looking back from the front seat): “Um, who are you talking to?”

Me: “What? Oh, um… Cupcake! You saw this bag a few minutes ago; do you think its cloth or leather?”

Cupcake: “I guess leather.”

Three minutes later…

Me: “Oh, that bag is by Ivanka Trump.”

LSU Friend: “What Lemon Lady?”

Lil Blount: “OMG what are you talking about?”

Me: “That bag. It’s by Trump and isn’t that much. You can get it on Piperlime.”

Lil Blount: “Lemon Lady, WE CAN’T SEE WHAT YOU CAN SEE! We have no idea what bag you keep talking about.”

Me: “This one! (pointing to the bag on the magazine page) The one I keep talking about.”

LSU Friend: “Yeah, we get it. You see a bag… in the magazine (now she’s just talking slow because she thinks I’m a moron) but we are up here and Cupcake is reading her own magazine and we have no F-ing idea what you keep saying!”

Lil Blount: “It’s like you have Magazine Tourettes or something.”

And that’s how I was diagnosed.

Then it got worse.

Fifteen minutes later…

Me: “hummm… hehehehe… I’m really into red pants.”

Cupcake: “huh?”

LSU Friend: “Stop with the Tourettes!”

Me: “But this is funny. Someone wrote into the magazine saying they really like red pants but they don’t know if they can pull them off. I mean, if you have to write into a magazine asking how to wear pants, no, you can’t pull them off.”

Lil Blount: “Then Lemon Lady you should say that. You need to give us more of your internal dialogue because we have no F-ing idea what you are talking about when you say you really like red pants.”

Me: “No, the chick who wrote to the magazine likes the red pants. I don’t like red pants.”

Lil Blount: “I know now! But when you first said it I didn’t.”

LSU Friend: “We were just confused and worried about you.”

Me: “I know what I’m talking about.”

Cupcake (trying to be nice): “Yeah but no one else does and we think you’re talking to us.”

Me: “Sorry, I’ll try harder.”

I then proceeded to have Magazine Tourettes for another forty five minutes while I finished the magazine. (I mean have y'all seen the new Limited ads? They are really confusing!) I think it was the hungover slowness I had been experiencing all day. I knew I should say things out loud. I knew my friends in the front seat had no idea what I was talking about and that Cupcake was in her own little world playing Angry Birds sitting next to me, but I couldn’t control myself. I just hope that this is a passing disease and won’t stay with me too long.

The First of Many Post's From Last Weekend: Fancy Dresses, Men in Tights, and Igloo Coolers...

This past weekend I made the 8 hour trip to Baton Rouge with LSU Friend, Cupcake, and Lil Blount to attend the Krewe of Artemis’ Madi Gras Ball.

…

I had absolutely no idea what I had signed up for.

Looking back I’m not quite sure what I was expecting. I mean, I knew there would be beads and green, yellow, purple things, and maybe a mask or two, but nothing like what I walked into on Saturday night. First of all, the Ball had to be held in the Convention Center. Yeah, the Convention Center… because there were 1400 people attending! This was no little gala or large wedding reception, 1400 people is a whole latta sparkly ball gowns and tuxedos.

Secondly, the Ball was BYOB.

Again, the Ball was BYOB.

Well slap my ass, hand me a beer, and call me a Ragin Cajun because whoever thought of this might be a genius. I need you guys to stop for a second and imagine this. 1400 people dressed to the nines. I’m talking full length ball gowns, trains, seriously sparkly jewels, and men in tuxes… fancy, fancy, fancy. Okay now imagine them all dragging coolers behind them as they hand their tickets to doormen to get inside. I really wish I had pictures of this, but I don’t so I’m going to improvise.

It was totally just like this…


Or if you were cheep like us, this… (I should note here that no, we didn’t dance with our plastic bags of vodka and red wine, but this was just a good arm shot to illustrate how we brought our booze.)

This was our table. Any get together that at any time during the night you will find vodka, Red Bull, Zing Zang Bloody mix, wine bought at a CVS, and glasses that light up and change color on the table is a good party in my book.

Another thing, the costumes. Now, I’ve spent a few years in San Antonio where they celebrate Fiesta in the spring. And for years my mother dragged us to all of the crappy parades. (I really need to blog about that.) So, in my mind the Madi Gras costumes would be kinda like the Fiesta dress. This means that somewhere in the back of my mind I was a little prepared for this… Queen Cheryl.


However, I was not prepared for this… King Brett. I can’t decide if he looks like the Disney version of Prince Charming or the Shrek character Lord Farquaad. All jokes aside, I mean he is wearing tights, Brett was amazing, sweet as could be, and milked his night for all it was worth. The only person more excited to be a part of the festivities was Queen Cheryl herself.

Here are a few photos to wrap it up.

Thank you Queen Cheryl and LSU Friend for inviting me to this amazing event. As if y’all couldn’t tell, I had a great time.

Coming soon: LSU Friend giving jazz hands in the car, Cupcake’s obsession with some woman who looked like a “lady of the night”, reactions to Lil Blount’s interesting headgear, and is "coonass" a derogatory word in Louisiana...