Questions, Answers, and Saved By The Bell...

And now Lemon Lady presents a Q&A…

Question – WHERE THE HELL HAVE YOU BEEN???
Answer – Um, I wish I could say I’ve been climbing Mount Kilimanjaro or curing cancer, but in all reality I’ve been at home mostly.

Question – Then why haven’t you been blogging embarrassing stories and whatnot?
Answer – Well, mostly because I changed jobs and I am no longer doing the job of a retarded hamster, so I don’t have 4 free hours a day to randomly write about giving my doctor a bloody or breaking my foot at a water park.

Question – “Retarded Hamster”?
Answer – That’s not a question, but I thought that would make my sister laugh. You see there is this whole funny story about me learning to read and hamsters and well… it’s funny, but it’s hard writing funny and embarrassing stories from when I was 5.

Question – So where are you writing now?
Answer – In the comfort of my own home, which if I can be honest, is a little weird. I’m used it leaning back in my big important chair with my feet propped up on my computer under the desk in my fancy office with the maroon accent wall and spending hours penning my blog master pieces. Instead last night and tonight I’m at my tiny kitchen table typing on my tiny laptop that is made for midget (excuse me “little people”) hands meaning I have to stop every few words and make sure I type “give” instead of “hubr” because the keys are so close together. I also can’t keep my head down and focused because my dog is jumping on and off the couch – something he is ubber proud of considering he just learned how to do this last Sunday.

Question – Speaking of the dog, how is the dog?
Answer – He is AMAZING. Seriously, Boyfriend and I wonder how we got so lucky. Which I know is something creepy pageant mothers say on Toddlers and Tiaras, but really y’all… our dog is so freaking cool.

Question – You were on like a month and a half hiatus and all you can say is, “I got a new job”?
Answer – Well, I got a new job, I quit my old job, I went to Tom Bean, TX to spend Easter and the week after with Boyfriend’s Sister and Mom, my parents came in town one weekend… Yes, I’ve been neglecting my blog. Make me feel bad about it why don’t ya.

Question – Sorry. Don’t get all defensive. Have you been writing? Are you going back to the 3-4 posts a week? What TV shows are you going to watch this summer, write five recaps and then stop mid-season because you suck?
Answer – Yes, I have been writing. I haven’t been blogging, but I do have those Brian Griffin novel ideas, that at some point I would like to put to paper. I don’t know exactly what will be my blog writing schedule from not on. Glee is over for the summer, so my Tuesdays are free, but I’m starting Kick Ball next month so Thursday posts are probably not going to happen. My guess is it will be just as sporadic as ever. I don’t know if I will recap anything any time soon. I thought about doing a Real Housewives recap, but the folks over at Vulture do such a good job that I’m pretty sure I would just steal all their jokes until about half way through the season when I’m so over hearing about Ramona’s Pinot Grigio habit and my eyes hurt from the 5 tons of turquoise jewelry LuAnn wears to every party that I would just cut and paste their recaps onto my blog. Then six months later I would blame the poor public education system in this country that didn’t properly teach me plagiarism.

Question – You look like you really want to say some something, what’s up?
Answer- Okay so, today when I was driving to work Mark Paul Gosselaar (AKA Zack Morris) was on the radio promoting his new TNT show Franklin & Bash. After talking for a few minutes and playing a round of Family Feud or something, they finally got down to the good stuff… Saved By The Bell. Mark Paul told me that his favorite Saved By The Bell episode was the one with Becky the duck. You know, the one where they discover oil under the Bayside football field and everyone thinks they’re going to be the richest school ever and not have to do homework and whatnot, but then there is an oil spill and oil gets into the pond where Zack’s biology class had just let their pet ducks and fish and turtles and newts go. SPOILER ALERT! It didn’t go well for the animals and they all died. So then, when the big oil company executive (who of course is wearing a cowboy belt buckle because aren’t all oil execs from Texas?) comes to the school to pitch his awesome ideas for new computers and books and better facilities, Zack and the gang cock block all the future students at Bayside High by telling Mr. Big Oil Executive that they don’t want a new football stadium or better cafeteria or awesome science lab because you killed Becky the Duck. Bastard! For Becky! And then the episode ends in a paused 6 way high five. Yeah… that was a great episode…

He also said that the one that he hates to this day is not the “I’m so excited, I’m so scared” episode, but the one where they all had to do family research projects and he finds out that he’s like 1/64th Native American so he shows up to class in a giant Indian head dress and deer skin pants and moccasins as “Running Zack” (which might be the dumbest Indian name ever) Mark Paul was talking about how he was so embarrassed and even to this day he won’t go gamble on Reservations because he doesn’t want anyone bringing that episode up in conversation.

Question – Do you feel better now?
Answer- Yes.

Question – Zack or Slater?
Answer – Zach always. In fact I had the Saved By The Bell board game where if you won you got to go on a date to the Max with either Zack or Slater. I always picked Zack.

Question – What are your thoughts on Saved By The Bell The College Years?
Answer – I’m pretty neutral. I mean I don’t love them like the original episodes, but I don’t hate them. They are kinda like the Tori episodes that just randomly happen in the middle of senior year. I’m all, “meh”. I do have a problem with Bob Golic’s character, Michael “Mike” Rogers. He was the ex-football player who was like 35 and living in the dorms with all the freshmen. Even as a twelve year old I knew this wasn’t right. Creep, not right. I know the show needed an older character to replace Belding, but I think a Mr. feeny-like character would have worked better. You know Belding could have followed all the kids to college and been a counselor or something.

Question – It certainly sounds like you’ve put a lot of thought into the these answers about Saved By The Bell.
Answer – I blame the questions.

Question – DON’T BLAME THE QUESTIONS!
(insert FRIENDS laugh track here)

Question – Moving on… Do you have any good blog post ideas in mind for future posts?
Answer – Oh, you mean for posts when I’m not answering random questions that I made up? Yes, I’ve got some great ideas involving cupcakes (the food not the person), wild pigs, and Google Maps.

Question – Google Maps? You might be a bigger nerd than I feared?
Answer – Wait, but you’re not real.

Question – You’re typing like I am.
Answer – Fuck.