2011 Acadamy Awards: Graded Dresses, James Franco, and Poor Amy Adams...

So.. um.. the Academy Awards were on last night…

I seriously don’t really know where to start when talking about the Oscars. Red Carpet reviews? The hosting? Who won what? Who said what? The fact that Kurt Douglas might be the creepiest old guy ever? So many things are running though my head.

I guess let’s start at the beginning.

The Red Carpet

Mila Kunis gets an A+ in Elie Saab I’ve already confessed my love for this girl and talked about how she might just be the prettiest thing ever, but she knocked it out of the park last night. At first I thought this was Rodart because of all the detailing and delicate layers, but no it’s Elie Saab. The color is gorgeous, the train in dramatic but not over the top (take notes Halle Berry), and yes, I even like the “boob tattoos” (as my sister called them). I love that she finally put some jewelry on, as that was really my only issue with her Globes dress. Yup, I love this.

Scarlett Johansson gets a B in Dolce & Gabbana If I judged Scarlett on the first split second I saw her he would have scored a whole lot higher than a B. I actually think this dress looks better in photos that it did last night on the televised Red Carpet. I love the color of the dress and red funky almost red eye shadow. My problem is that the dress is too tight. GO UP A SIZE! I mean she probably wears a size 2 (which is so curvy in Hollywood) but yet I can’t keep looking at her tummy in this photo. Also girl had, well, issues walking. Look, the Red Carpet is only 300 meters long, but young Hollywood should be able to walk those 300 meters not looking like me when I’m trying on shoes in Target and they’re held together by those elastic bands so people don’t switch the sizes and buy one size 6 for their right foot and an 8 and a half for their left. She was already handicapped this awards season by losing her delicious hunky husband, she doesn’t need to also be held back by her too tight dress.

Amy Adams gets an F in L’Wren Scott I hate this. I hate this so much. I’m sorry New Friend A because I know how much you love Amy and the color blue, but she is worst dressed on my list. Everything about this look is wrong. The dress is way to top heavy with the high neck AND cap sleeves. Between the high neck, necklace, and her hair down she has absolutely no neck. (And if I’ve leaved anything from watching 16 seasons of America’s Next Top Model you never what to lose your neck…) And her hair… it doesn’t look good. I’m sorry, but there is a reason for updos and this is it. Hair gets blown and pushed aside and flattened and smashed in the limo and it just goes limp outdoors in real weather. Some people have enough texture or body that they can fight against Mother Nature, but Amy Adams... not so much. I mean I get it. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve curled my hair and fought my natural straight flat hair, but the moment I step outside humidity is like, “oh Hell no!” and wah wah… limp Amy Adams hair. Oh, and the trend I loved the most on the Red Carpet last night was everyone wearing green gems, but I think her jewelry is over kill. Sorry. Yeah. I kinda hated the whole look.

Hailee Stienfeld in Marchesa gets a B+ She has looked so adorable and well dressed at all the award shows this season that she was the one I was most looking forward to see last night. I like that she changed things up for the Oscars, but still looks like a young girl. It’s the first time she’s worn her hair up, but the head band still makes it young. It’s big and puffy, but not a floor length ball gown. And I would have killed for those shoes when I was 14. Actually I still might kill for those shoes…

Nicole Kidman gets a D in Dior Couture Let the napkin jokes begin! Excuse me; let the bedazzled napkin jokes begin! Boyfriend’s Sister called her “bottom heavy” while my own sister just asked, “WFT is Nicole Kidman wearing?” I answered her question as realistically as possible when I said, “A very ugly origami wedding cake, duh.” Okay, but enough with the jokes. I mean I get it. It’s Dior… Couture… it’s fancy. Nicole takes risks, blah, blah, blah. But what about her hair? Her bangs look like mine right now. They look like she can’t quite make up her mind if she wants to keep cutting them or grow them out so she’s trying the “push them to side the side” method. Like I said, I get it. I’m going that right now, but I know how to bobby pin them and hair spray them so they don’t spring up over your forehead like a Red Sea wave. Just saying.

Penelope Cruz in L’Wren Scott gets an A Amy Adam, this is how you wear L’Wren Scott. Penelope had a baby like 5 minutes ago and looks like this. FML.

Natalie Portman in Rodart gets a B Natalie looks very pretty, and the dress is very pretty. And you know home girl is all crazy excited to come and collect her Oscar who everyone already knows is hers, but still in the back of her mind (and probably in her feet) she really just wants to be at home on the couch demanding her slightly weird looking, dancing, baby daddy bring her more vegan ice cream. (If there is such a thing) I like it, but just like little Hailee I liked her Globes and SAG Awards dresses better. The color is beautiful on her and I LOVE the earrings, but I really wish the straps were thinner. Like, I wish they were just the width of the part with the beading. I get the she has pregnant boobies right now, but are they so big they need that much fabric? I don’t think so.

Cate Blanchette gets an A in Givenchy Couture Before you hecklers start screaming through your computers let me explain… First of all I AM A YELLOW WHORE! I can’t control it. Every spring bright yellow things start popping up in stores and I can’t reign myself in. I want yellow t-shirts, yellow throw pillows, yellow bath towels, yellow head bands, yellow nail polish… I can’t stop. I love this color and the pop of yellow on Cate’s dress is fun and unexpected and different! The back makes it for me. I know the front it a little… wonky. I’m not quite sure why she has a purple bead free bib on her boobs, but I don’t care. She looks amazing!

My biggest question to your guys, besides what you thought about the dresses (obviously) is what y’all thought about the hosts? I liked Anne about 60% of the time, which is 50% more than I thought I would and I’m pretty sure James Franco was just stoned and wondering to himself, “wow these people actually let me do this” to himself the whole night. I’ve pretty much decided that James Franco and his buddies stay up really late one night of the year, get super, super high and try to figure out the most random things James could get paid to do for the next year.

Things on Jame’s “I’m high and might wanna do this later” list… (that he has actually done)

Saw my arm off on camera
Be a soap opera star now that I’m a huge movie star
Teach a class at an ivy league school about the wonders of being James Franco
Host the Oscars (why? BECAUSE I CAN!!!)

Oh, and I’ll probably have to do a review of Anne’s hosting dresses. (why? BECAUSE I CAN!!!)

A Very Informative List...

Things I would like to do at this very moment…

Eat a giant Chipotle Veggie burrito with black beans, pico, roasted corn, cheese, and guac

Be back on the road with LSU Friend heading to Baton Rouge for yet another Madi Gras celebration

Go home and do all the laundry that’s been piling up and be a good roommate to Boyfriend because he’s wonderful and amazing and cleans so well

Run outside and demand that Mother Nature turn off this over cast, crappy, “is it gonna rain” weather

Watch more Gossip Girl and drink more cheep white wine while making more sugar cookies because that was so much fun over the Christmas break

Stand on the scale and finally see a number that is below what I’ve been looking at for the past week

Curl up on the couch and pretend my pillow is George Michael while I look at photos of my adorable puppy

Steal my Co-Worker’s gold necklace because its shinny and sparkly and I want to touch it

Cash in my giant bucket of change that has about 100 dollars in it (I know this because my Grandma Texas gave Boyfriend a change counting bank for Christmas)

Go meet my new nephew and play with my old nephew

Cover my hand in glue and then peel off the glue skin like my friends and I did all the time in 4th grade

Clean out my car including the wrapping paper that has been in there since the day after Christmas and the change that is stuck to bottom of the cup holders

Drain my bank account and take Boyfriend to London and then Spain and then Greece and then the Maldives

Take a nap

Yummmm… tequila

Take a bubbly bath

Weed my backyard (at least by the fence) so we can start a garden and grow our own cucumbers so I can then make pickles

Sister is Having a Baby! Oh, And Just One Of The Times She Was Completely Evil To Me...

My sister is in labor right now with her second kiddo, who will be my second nephew. I honor of my wonderful sister, I thought I’d tell you guys about the one time she SCARED THE CRAP out of me. She’s such a good mom, really…

The story takes place when I was in kindergarten and we lived in the great state of Rhode Island. My sister was in the fourth grade and surprisingly this is not a tale of about how we shared a room for the first (and only) time. Nor, is this the story of us lying in our beds at night making up stories about the super scary Greek tiles that hung on the wall outside of our room. (Although next time I go home to the parent’s house I’ll take photos of those tiles so you guys can be the judge of how frightening they really are.) This story takes place on the road. This story takes place while my family and I were doing that super scary, incredibly creepy act of… driving through New England to look at the fall foliage! DunDunDun!!!! (Insert evil music)

At this time in my life I needed… well structure. I find this funny because now I think I’m a pretty laid back kinda gal. I mean you should see me and Boyfriend try to pick a restaurant some times. I’m all, “I don’t care where we go. Where do you want to go?” Then he says, “Well, what do you want?” “Then I answer, “I don’t care, what do you want?” And this goes back and forth until one of us snaps and finally says something (usually me) and then Boyfriend says “Nah, I don’t want that.”

Anyway, I was not like this as a five year old. As a five year old I went to half a day kindergarten and played the same game on the bus every morning. (Super Mario Brothers) As a five year old I came home every day from kindergarten and my mom made me the same lunch… every day. (Campbell’s Clam Chowder Soup) We did the dishes every day after dinner because we didn’t have a dish washer, and it calmed me that our dog barked incisively at the same squirrels out in our back yard every day. I was good as long as things went according to plan. But, on that cool, autumn day things did not go according to plan…

We got up early and as a family we all piled into the minivan and headed out into the great unknown. I was okay with this because that was that plan. We drove all around New England that day. (So I don’t really remember exactly where or for how long we drove and if I write, “Oh we drove thought New York and Vermont and Maine and heck probably a good 500 miles into Canada” -like I remember us doing- I’ll get a call tonight from my dad correcting me that really we only got to Connecticut, barely.) The point of this story is that we were a ways from our little home and it started to get dark. My parent’s brilliant idea was to simply pull over at the next Holliday Inn and purchase a room for the night.

First hotel…

Parents: “We require a room good sir.”

Hotel Guy: “There’s no room in the inn…”

Second hotel…

Parents: “We require a room good sir.”

Hotel Guy: “Yeah, can’t stay here…” (You should read that in the same voice as the snot kid who tells Forest Gump, “You can’t sit here” on the bus his first day of school. Just FYI.)

Forty Fifth Hotel…

Parents: “Just please let us give you money for a place to stay!!!
”
Hotel Guy: “Look people we are in the middle of prime leaf looking season. Did you honestly think you could just pack up your kids and maybe a few granola bars and be set of the day? Did you honestly think that these trees aren’t pulling in record breaking viewers this year? I mean look outside! Look at those colors! And you people just think you can waltz right in here and get a room like its some slow Fourth of July weekend? Ha! You turrists have a lot of learning to do.”

Parents: “Please we didn’t know… WE DIDN’T KNOW…”

Hotel Guy: “I know. I know. And you know what? I like you two, so I’m gonna help you out. I’m looking here on my computer and it looks like our sister hotel in south New Jersey just might have a broom closet you could sleep in for the night. Let’s see here… its 11:30 now and it takes about 5 hours to get there, so you could get a good 45 minutes of sleep in before they would have to get into that closet to find the waffle irons for breakfast. You better hurry.”

While this lovely conversation is going on in the hotel lobby, this is being said in the car…

Me: “I’m tired…”

Sister: “You know what going to happen, right?”

Me: “Um, no. What? What’s going to happen, Sister?”

Sister: “We are never going to find a place to stay tonight, and you know what that means, right?”

Me: “Mom and Dad will make a reservation? Because if they make a reservation they have to let us sleep there.”

Sister: “They can’t make a reservation for the same night that it is. Don’t you get it? Mom and Dad didn’t make a reservation. They didn’t prepare at all. They failed you. And you know what that means, right?”

Me: “Mom and Dad can fail us? I don’t get it…”

Sister: “IT MEANS WE WILL HAVE TO SLEEP IN THE CAR!!!”

I don’t know if words on the internet can express how much this freaked me out. Sleeping in the car is what homeless people did. Sleeping in the car meant my parents didn’t have all the answers and couldn’t fix everything. Sleeping in the car meant sleeping without my blanket. Sleeping in the car meant it would get really cold. Sleeping in the car meant wondering if our dog would die at home because we weren’t there to let him outside or feed him. In my mind, sleeping in the car was not an option.

But then my parents came out of the hotel lobby and got back in the car without a room key
.
Sister: “So did we get a room?”

Mom: “Nope, not here.”

Dad: “Yeah, this is getting ridiculous. I guess we’ll just have to sleep in the car.”

Parents: “Hahaha!”

And while my parents laughed away their worries in the front seat my sister turned to me and gave me an evil, evil smile…

To this day I don’t like not knowing where I’ll be sleeping. If I’m going over to a friend’s house and they pull out a giant bottle of tequila, I’d like to know if I can crash on the couch or do they have an extra room. When I was dating Ex-Boyfriend we took the train from Berlin to Poland and the first thing I made him do was find us a hotel room. In the back of my mind I knew I had taken a ten hour train to Eastern Europe on a whim, and everything I owned within 3000 miles was in a small duffle bag, but damn it I was going to have a bed to sleep in that night if we had to walk to every hotel and hostel in Krakow!

Oh, and in case you’re wondering we just ended up driving all the way home that scary night when I was five.

Random Thoughts: Puppies, Pots, and Songs That Heart Didn't Sing But I Thought They Did...

Can it please be 4 weeks from now so I can bring my puppy home, because OMG how freaking adorable is he???

Boyfriend and I bought art supplies on Sunday to paint new homes for Pedro (for who our fictional third child is named after) and Rasputin. Who says Sister is the artistic one in the family?

Boyfriend and I went to Fredericksburg on Saturday night for dinner with some friends and on the way home I had a near perfect radio experience. We were listening to BobFM and we heard Alannah Miles' Black Velvet (am I the only one who thought Heart sung this song?), John Lennon's Imagine, Alanis Morissette's You Oughta Know, and some other amazing song that I can't remember now because I didn't write it down because I had had three beers but I promise it was awesome as well ALL IN A ROW!!! So because I love y'all so much, check out this klassy (yes, with a k) lady...

Rocky: AKA The Dumbest Movie EVER!!!

In my last post I wrote about the yummy cocktails Boyfriend and I drank last Sunday at Second Bar + Kitchen. After indulging in too much gin and fried foods, we stopped at our favorite used music and DVD store, Cheepos, and grabbed some new movies. Somehow, I’m sure it was because of the gin, the movie Rocky made it into my home.

Here’s the thing… I had never seen the movie all the way through to the end, and I’m sure my opinion (my very negative opinion) of this movie is probably based on tiny bits and pieces of Rock I, II, III, IV, and the very little known Rocky 15 “The Italian Stallion is finally put out to pasture” I’ve seen on TNT every now and then for the past 20 years. But, Boyfriend promised me Rocky is a great movie. Heck, it won best picture at the Academy Awards… it can’t be that bad, right?

It is.

Seriously, Rocky is the dumbest movie I’ve ever seen and I own Club Dread and The Jerk. I mean those movies might be dumb, but at least they are funny. I read later on IMDB that when the producers bought the script from Sylvester Stallone they paid less than they originally offered because Stallone won’t sell it unless he could star in it. My question is this… Who in their right minds meets a guy like Stallone and says, “Yeah, lets buy a script from this guy. Let’s buy the script that half the F-ing dialogue in the first half of the F-ing movie is about turtles. And that guy who wrote this giant ode to turtles, let’s have him star in the whole damn thing.” TURTLES!!! Haha, this crazy, too old boxer, who no one can understand likes turtles. How kooky is that? No wonder Boyfriend likes this movie… When we first started dating he had two turtles for pets named Becky and Gobo. They lived in a casserole dish on his bar, until I guess he got sick of them and we let them go in the green belt.

On that note... Have a great weekend.

Random Thoughts and Alcohol...

I can’t get Katie Perry’s song Firework out of my head. Evidently neither can Boyfriend because every time I think I’ve moved on and successfully forgot what comes after “Baby you’re a firework” he starts singing “let your colors burn” and I want to gorge my eyes out. Actually that really won’t help that much. Then I would just be blind, but still able to hear the lyrics and melody. It’s like this one time I was home for a holiday, it must have been a holiday because Sister was home too, and I couldn’t get Blind Mellon’s No Rain song out of my head. It drove everyone crazy! All weekend long I was singing, “all I can say is my life is really plain, I like watching the puddles gather rain”. Really that’s the only part of the song I know, so that’s all I sang ALL WEEKEND. I vividly remember my sister telling to shut up in the middle of an intense game of Monopoly.

An intense game of Monopoly… like there’s any other kind…

Also, last week I realized I’ve been wearing my earrings in two different holes. I usually only wear little studs to work, because I’m on the phone a lot and earrings can annoy me when the phone is held up to my ear or I have my head set on. All last week I just wore a tiny pair of fake diamond studs in my ears. On Sunday when I was putting on bigger earrings, I saw that on my left ear the tiny diamond stud was in my second hole, where it should have been, but on my right ear the earring was chilling in my first hole. All week I went around with lopsided looking earrings. I know this isn’t a huge thing, but this realization was the icing on the proverbial cake of the crappy 7 days I had last week.

Things that are not crappy...

Second Bar + Kitchen

It opened only 48 days ago and it’s already landed on my people’s bests lists in Austin. Boyfriend and I went to see for ourselves on Sunday for a late lunch. Billy Hankey and Adam Bryan are the in house drinkmasters and wow do they know how to make a drink. Moe, our waiter, spoke about them in awe when we asked about the cocktails and as soon as I put my first drink to my mouth I completely understood why. So many amazing and quirky flavors hit my tongue at different times. Sweet, then sour, then tangy… fabulous.

I started with the Congress GT made up of Cascade Hopped Gin, House Quinine, Grapefruit Bitters, and Seltzer. It was refreshing but had a slight spicy aftertaste. Boyfriend enjoyed the Pisco Sour which is Chilean Pisco, Lemon, Egg White, Amargo Bitters. Pisco Sour is a classic South American cocktail and Boyfriend and I both thought it was better than La Condessa’s Pisco Sour, which is saying a lot considering La Condessa’s bartenders make my most favorite cocktail EVER. We both loved that in between the layer of fluffy egg whites and the actual liquid drink, there was a thin layer of very fine crushed ice. So when you drank you got the frothy egg whites, creamy drink, and just a bit of crunchy ice. Perfection.


Then we ended with me drinking the Queen’s Park Swizzle which is Scarlet Ibis, Falernum, Lime and, Angostura Bitters. This was sweet when it first touched your tongue and then cooled off with a refreshing lime after taste. Boyfriend had the kinda girly looking Pilgrim’s Afternoon made up of White Port, Clear Creek Cranberry, Seltzer, and Citrus. We both agreed that we should have been drinking it outside at a horse racing event or something. It reminded me of the British drink Pimms, only a little fruitier, but very refreshing. Really, I could have downed about eight of those very quick.


We washed all of these drinks down with a pot of black truffle pomme frites with a big hunk of foie gras on top. (Sorry the foie gras isn’t in the picture, I stool the food photos from the website.) We also had the GREATEST FRIED PICKLES EVER!!! Buffalo Fried Pickles!!! They were like Buffalo wings and fried pickles all rolled into one. AMAZING!!! a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgCuvseQS47foXwNlNbekvhyphenhyphenaeRRvKwJMUwClbjQ-S4rz1rlKRVOUjkWZN9MWeWUbAV5s0uupqPcpDFy6twz2xYFyzq9e_D2Abz0XRJaZkxxd-tvAxdvHC2TV7PehaOcNFvnT5yyiVUMq83/s1600/trufflefries2.jpg">


(Thank God I worked out this weekend…)

What The Kids Are Listening To These Days: Mindless Behavior and My Confusion...

A few weeks ago Boyfriend and I went to dinner and we drank a bottle of wine, which means I drank half a bottle of wine. I don’t mean to write that like, “Oh! What’s up losers the other night I totally drank a half a bottle of wine and was like soooo wasted… word!!!” I’m not bragging. If I wanted to brag I would talk about the time Davis Girl and I went to Central Market and drank 3 bottles, had Boyfriend come pick us up only to go back to my house drink one more and spend the rest of the night crying on my old back deck because we just loved each other so much. I could really brag about that night, but that’s not the point of this post.

I had not had anything alcoholic since Baton Rouge, so that half a bottle of wine got me a little tipsy. Nice tipsy, you know. Hyper tipsy, but not crazy annoying “I can’t understand you, you lush” tipsy. Anyway we had a great dinner and came home and started a game of Scrabble. I know you guy want to start judging, but we like Scrabble and tipsy Scrabble is even better. Then it was as if Jesus looked down on us all comfy on the futon, Boyfriend’s legs on mine, me dropping triple word scores all over him, and said, “Yes, I like those people. I will make their night even better because I am Jesus… and I can.”

That’s when I found the FUSE and MTV HITS channel I had no idea we even had access to on our TV.

That night FUSE was running a two hour Britney Spears Special that played ALL of her music videos!

Jesus really does love me.

Last night after watching Bear from Man vs. Wild bite a snake’s head off, I turned to the MTV HITS channel and watched a few videos before heading to bed. Which means, this morning when Boyfriend turned on the TV it was still on MTV HITS. He had to come and get me when this song started playing…



Introducing Mindless Behavior!
Staring Princeton! (Don't you ivy leaguers feel stupid now?) Prodigy! (I don't think he was the Smack My Bitch Up singer from 1997, because he probably was only... well actually I was going to type 3, but really he was probably not even born in the 90s...) Ray Ray (who I'm pretty sure might be that Willow Smith kid) and Roc Royal (who according to lots of YouTube comments is sooooo cute!!!)

I'm pretty sure these kids are a mutation of NSYNC and KrisKross with a little Will Smith thrown in there to keep it clean.

Let's take a sample of their lyrics...

"I got a clue how you feel for me. 1-4-3 a smiley with a wink. That's how you feel baby that's what's up. A hundred forty characters, is more than enough." - Okay I might not be on Twitter, but I get the 140 character reference (thank God) but I have no idea was 1-4-3 means. Boyfriend and I tried to figure it out this morning, and I'll be honest my mind got real dirty real fast and since I told my Dad I would try not to cruse as much on my blog I don't think a paragraph about what I suggested 1-4-3 might mean would make him very happy. But my point it, if 1-4-3 isn't dirty then why not just say what it is instead of being all mysterious and talking in number codes.

"When you say yo, then I'll say hey love. You hit me with a sad face, what I do? I hit you with a question mark. You send me back a J slash K, said I'm just playing with you." - If this is how kids are flirting over text messages to quote a fabulous movie, "I weep for the future." Really? Sad Face and then j/k??? Come on youth of America! When I was in high school it was practically an art form, flirting over AIM and then texting. I can't tell you how many nights I stayed up until 4AM perfecting my electronical flirting skills. Step it up kiddos, because sad face, j/k isn't going to hold them for long.

"She text me after school, she do it like it's homework. Up in the salon, she do it like it's homework. My girl's in love, I think I'm in love. I wonder what she texted now." - THIS DOESN'T EVEN MAKE SENSE!!! At first I'm thinking if she's texting him likes it's homework, she must be bored and about to break up with him because homework is boring and dumb and these prepubescent Black Street wannabees are comparing their lover's texts to spelling words or Biology terms. Yet, then she's in love and he's in love. With each other? With the teacher? With who? AND THEN, he wonders what she texted... Hey dumby! Why don't you actually look at the text??? Just saying that might help a little...

This is reason 46,285 why I don't want kids, you have to listen to this crap while driving them to the movies or soccer practice in your mini van.

Being Lazy, How Mattresses Grow, and My Very Full Bed...

Do you ever have days where all you want to do is curl up in bed and never leave the warmth of your blankets? I probably shouldn’t be writing about this when in my last post I wrote about how I might have been bit by a bug named Lazy, but I’ve been having those “I never want to leave my bed days” all winter.

I think I need to explain my whole bed situation.

I have a full bed that my parents bought me when I graduated High School and I needed to furnish my first bedroom in my first apartment. This was the first “big” bed I had ever owned. Growing up the furniture in my room was an antique twin bed set my mother bought at an auction when I was in Kindergarten. Although she let me change the sheets and bedspread many times I never had the option of getting a bigger bed. My sister had a full bed, but that’s because her bedroom furniture had a full bed. For some reason it never crossed my mind to ask my parents why Sister got a big bed and never got to sleep comfortably with our dog because a twin bed was too small for the both of us.

Anyway, so in college I got my first full sized bed and it’s still around today. This means that it’s eight years old (which is CRAZY to think about) which means IT HAS DOUBLED ITS WEIGHT BECAUSE OF DEAD SKIN AND MICROSCOPIC BUGS!!! Y’all have seen that commercial right? Or did I just blow your mind/terrify you???

Okay so I just Googled that fact and technically your mattress doesn’t double its weight but… oh just read this…

“A mattress does gain weight as the years pass. It absorbs the fluids that your body excretes (oil and sweat) as well as dead skin cells. Another weight factor, is that the mattress becomes host to microscopic dust mites, which live in the dust and feed on the skin cells. These then perform their normal biologic functions, and their excrement adds its weight to the mattress as well. With all these factors, over 10 or so years, a 90 pound mattress can gain around 20 pounds.”

Thanks Anwsers.com (aka WikiAnswers)… I think.

I guess the point of writing about the crap that I sleep on every night is about a year ago Boyfriend and I decided we should start looking for a new bed. Which we did. We look around for a nice, new Queen sized bed, because as much as I love Boyfriend, dude that kid takes up A LOT of space when he sleeps. Then just before Thanksgiving Boyfriend’s Mom let us know that she had an extra mattress that was practically brand new and no place to put it. (It’s kinda a long story involving family members and fires and a house that had been in the family for over a century or something burning and thus totally 100% not funny, so I’m going to spare y’all the details.) When we went up to see Boyfriend’s family for Thanksgiving we came home with a brand new bed!

So, we switched out the beds putting the new mattress in our bedroom and leaning the old up in the tiny hallway while we tried to figure out what to do with it. I really didn’t want to get rid of it completely because one day I would like to live in a house larger than 800 square feet that also might have a second bedroom. That night we slept on the new mattress and well… didn’t have a good night. Neither of us slept well at all. The second night was the same. The third night might have been the same and it might have been worse, but all I remember was it was not good. These restless and uncomfortable nights kept coming until finally one day I broke down and told Boyfriend I wanted to sleep on the old mattress again.

It didn’t take a lot of convincing on my part.

But, we still had the problem of what to do with the other mattress. This was our solution… I know it’s crazy, but it really does work for us… at least right now. We’ve created this nook of warmth, coziness, and comfort with lots of mismatched pillows and our giant duvet. Oh, and that blue blanket from Ikea, my mom bought me that when I was moving into my first little efficiency and I LOVE IT! Seriously it was the best buy from Ikea ever! The arrangement of our two beds make things extra “nook like” because the side with the blue blanket (my side) is up against a wall. I feel like sleeping with my back against the wall is something I should have grown out of by now, but I don’t care. I still like having Boyfriend on one side and a pillow lined wall on the other.

Boyfriend says this double bed of extra comfort and coziness can’t last forever, but for right now it’s pretty damn nice.

Eventually I want this bed and Boyfriend said he would build it for me. I’ve never seen any of his bed making skills, but I look forward to witnessing them.

Apologies and Photos of Socks, Puppy Jewelry, and Chanel...

I can’t believe it’s been a week since my last post. I’m so sorry readers. I think I’ve been bitten by the writer’s block bug again, but I could be mistaking those little tiny chomps out of my flesh for just being lazy. I’m no doctor… but I think writer’s block sounds better.

I do promise that I have tried to write and post and entertain you. I’ve got three half written blog post saved to my computer just waiting for their moment to shine and be today’s new post. But, as I was trying to explain to New Friend A last night, half way through the writing process I would start reading them and they just didn’t seem funny to me. I was trying to force the funny, and you can’t force funny just watch any new episode of SNL.

So, I’ve decided to open up a little secret corner of my world and let y’all in.

My iPhone’s Photo Album

Photo #1: Topo Chicos
Boyfriend has become obsessed with the Mexican fizzy water called Topo Chico. Two weekends ago we decided to take a little trip up to the Domain (our snazzy outdoor shopping mall) to look at a few furniture stores because OMFG I’m 26 and should be resting my weary behind on a plush couch every night and not a second hand futon I got for free from my sister’s best friend when I was 18. Just saying… Anyway, Boyfriend and I are driving up the highway and out of nowhere he crosses two lanes just to make this one exit which it so not the right exit for our final furniture destination. He points to a Shell station and says he wants to get a snack. We stop, he leaves the car, enters the store, and two minutes later returns to the car letting me know we have to find another gas station because they didn’t have what he was looking for.

Neither did the next place.

Nor the stop after that.

Finally he found what he was looking for, Topo Chico sparkling water. It’s gross. It now takes up a forth of my refrigerator because he buys it in bulk at our local grocery store that’s just around the corner.
I wanted to show a large photo of the bottle so you can see the little Mexican girl drinking from the Topo Chico river of awesomeness… yeah, she’s drinking that yummy completely natural SPARKLING water straight from Mother Nature. I call BS on you Topo Chico!

Photo #2: iBottle Opener I found this while in Baton Rouge at an LSU store right next to Mike’s penthouse. (Mike is the name of the real live LSU tiger. I know, they aren’t very creative in Baton Rouge.) But how freaking awesome is the iBottle Opener! It’s an iPhone case… wait for it… with a bottle opener!!! Genius!!!

The University line isn’t available to buy online yet, but as soon as it is you know the Longhorn one will be mine. I mean I could drive the .6 miles to the actual campus and go to a bookstore a just pick one up, but that would require actual work on my part instead of just clicking a few buttons. Maybe I did catch that lazy bug after all…

Photo #3: Real Live Chanel Shoes
Another Photo from that Baton Rouge trip these are Lil Blount’s real live Chanel shoes she wore to the Ball. Yeah, Chanel… to the ball. AWEOSME! The fact that she let me try them on, even awesome-r!

Photo #4: George Michael’s First Piece of Jewelry Sister had this made for me for my birthday and I’m not going to lie, I got a teary eyed when I saw it. I love it so much. It has my number and Boyfriend’s number on the back. She had it special made by someone on Esty.com.
It would look perfect on him…
Or him…
Or him…


Photo #5: Socks
Boyfriend finally got some of his own thick, wooly, soft as angel wings and puppy ears socks, so he doesn’t have to wear mine. Thank you Christmas gift buying people that read my blog.

Dieting: Taco Replacements, Canadian Bacon Teases, and My Hobbit Boyfriend...

January is over!

2011 is 1/12 over!

The first month of my diet is over!

I’ve lost six pounds and while I was shooting for ten, I’m happy. As my extremely thin, extremely athletic boss told me, “You didn’t gain the weight in a day and you won’t lose it day.” Thanks size 2 marathon running boss…

People have been telling me at work that I look thinner, but I’m not sure I believe them. I’m not saying I work with a bunch of liars, but they all know how hard I’ve been working and how I’ve said no to every Tiffs Treats cookie and yummy cupcake that has made it through our doors, so I think they are more just being nice and encouraging. I would say that my clothes have been fitting better, but I really need to take my work pants to the dry cleaner so they may feel a little big because they’ve stretched out and need to be washed, and on the weekend… well it’s winter so I live in my jeggings (because I’m just that awesome) and workout pants. It’s hard to tell if your pants are fitting better when they consist of so much stretch.

What’s great is I’ve been eating healthy for long enough where I’m not craving sugar all day everyday like I was at the beginning of this diet. Here’s what I have been eating…

Breakfast. I have never been a breakfast person unless that meal consisted of potatoes, eggs, and cheese all rolled up into a tortilla. I know you guys have read time and time again about my love for breakfast tacos, but besides those ingredients rolled up with in flat Heaven bread with salsa on the side, I don’t do breakfast. South Beach says you should eat a big breakfast made up of veggies and protein. I’m not a big meat at breakfast kinda gal, minus bacon and SB doesn’t let you eat normal bacon it has to be Canadian bacon and damn Canadians totally kill my bacon hard on by making it just ham.

For a while I tried eating eggs. I’m not a big egg lover. Really for one reason only and that is I don’t like the egg yolk. (Yes, family, I know I’m weird.) I do like scrambled eggs and omelets, but I cannot make an omelet to save my life. I’ve tried so many times to make omelets for breakfast befor work and each time I end up picking out the savable veggies and throwing the whole egg part away. I just can’t do it. Then, I decided to make eggs easier for me and just have a bowl of boiled eggs in the fridge and grab two on my way out the door in the morning. I still don’t eat the yolk, but the white part is good for you too and I can easily separate it from the icky yellow. This worked for all of a day. For one day I got two boiled eggs for breakfast with my veggies. The next morning I opened the fridge, reached into my blue bowl of eggs, and found… nothing. Yeah, Boyfriend had eaten ten hard boiled eggs in one afternoon/evening.

That brings up a whole other issue of being on a diet. What to feed Boyfriend? I have been cooking like crazy while I’ve been dieting which is awesome for me, but not so great for him. Don’t get me wrong, he loves that I’m cooking. He’s even been wonderful with helping clean the kitchen. But, the poor kid is starving! I mean, he’s got not fat on him whatsoever, has a metabolism like a horse, and burns 1000s of calories everyday. The poor guy needs some F-ing potatoes!!! But, I can’t eat potatoes, or bread, or giant steaks in butter sauce, or pans full of enchiladas! So, we’ve gotten into the habit of picking up “second dinner” for him at our local grocery store which has a large selection of already made yummy food. He’s become a Hobbit. We eat the dinner I’ve prepared while a big hunk of lasagna warms in the oven. He then goes and enjoys round two while I curl up in a ball afraid to get too close to the carbs.

A few things have really helped me get through this month…

1. Laughing Cow Cheese.
I’m convinced Jesus himself is helping me lose this weight by supplying me with these little wedges of goodness. My favorite is the Light Queso Fresco and Chipotle flavor, but really I’m not picky and will eat which ever I have in my fridge or my grocery store carries. (Although I found the mother load at the HEB on Far West the other day… yeah all SEVEN flavors!!!) I put them on any vegetable I have at the house for breakfast or an afternoon snack. It’s best on celery and green peppers.

2. Kalyn’s Kitchen. I know I’ve already written about how awesome this blog is, but really I don’t know if I would have made it this far without her and her recipes. I’d say 95% of the meals I’ve made all month have come from her, and I’ve liked everything she has taught me to make. (I will note here that I always add and tiny bit more seasoning than she writes in her recipes, but I’m from Texas so I want everything bold and spicy.) Oh, and the girl is obsessed with cilantro! How could a website written by a fellow cilantro addict be bad? Here is the new recipe I can’t wait to try for breakfast this weekend, Mexican Baked Eggs with Black Beans, Tomatoes, Green Chiles, and Cilantro. I’m still looking for that perfect taco substitute and this one looks pretty yummy.

3. Frozen Chocolate Covered Bananas. OMG!!! Why haven’t I been eating these my whole life. They are super delicious and super easy to make. Lesson learned from the first time I made these, use mini bananas. I like the mini bananas because I’m not a huge banana person and the mini is the perfect size for me. They taste slightly sweeter than normal bananas and are by no means carb free, but I got through the first two carb free weeks of South Beach and the first thing I wanted was fruit and chocolate, so this recipe was perfect.

All you do is peal your mini bananas and roll them in melted dark chocolate (better for you than milk chocolate) then roll them in nuts. I used almonds I bought in bulk and then crushed but you can use whatever nut you want as long as they aren't seasoned or salted. I was told to push a Popsicle stick through one end as a holding devise, but I couldn’t find any so I used chopsticks. Put them on a cookie sheet that’s been covered in parchment paper and freeze for at least three hours before eating. So yummy!!
(You can see here, I used some mini bananas and some regular bananas cut in halves. The minis were much better.)

The Sag Awards Fashion: I Couldn't Help Myself and Neither Could Sofia Vergara...

I really had no plan to recap or write about the SAG awards fashion. Which now that I think about it, I’m not quite sure why. I was crazy excited for the Emmys and I’m super upset that LSU Friend is going to be out of town and thus we can’t hold our annual Oscars Party. (Because doing it two years in a row would make it an annual thing right?) Honestly I forgot about the SAG awards until I flipped on the TV last night and saw they were coming on in ten minutes. Yesterday I drank for the first time since the Baton Rouge Madi Gras Ball and ate fried food for the first time since… I think the beginning of the year. But in my defense LSU Friend and I drove out to Fredericksburg and I think the city council makes you stop at wineries and then eat Wiener Schnitzel with German beer so you are willing to drop your big tourist dollars in stores with furniture like this…
Anyway, so when I got home my tummy wasn’t feeling all that great. So, I dragged some pillows and blankets into the livingroom, made myself comfy on the futon, and turned on the TV. It was either Bridalplasty or the SAG Awards. I choose the later.

Best Dressed - Mila Kunis She almost took the best dressed title at the Emmy's but at the Sag Awards she really had no competition. None of the photos I could find really do this dress justice. When she was walking on stage the reds and pinks and whites mix beautifully together and the belt sparkles adding just a tad bit of pizazz and bling. She completely out shined Natalie Portman (even with her cute PG waddle).

Weirdest Switcheroo – Lea Michele and Amber Rylie

First up, why do you think Lea Michele and Amber Rylie decided to switch dresses? Because Lea’s dress is the skinny bitch version of the sparkly wonder that Amber wore to the Emmys, but whatever because I still love it. Amber on the other hand is wearing the same boring Oscar “you call him Oscar” de La Renta look-a-like gown Lea usually wears to every awards show event.

Best Pnina Wannabe - Angie Harmon Y’all know the dresses I’m talking about. That show on TLC called Say Yes To The Dress show cases them all the freaking time. Pnina Tornia sells her tacky and completely inappropriate dresses to the bitchiest brides from all over the country. You know the ones, they always come shopping with their mothers who swear they are little angels and their best “mean girl” friends who secretly hope they trip down the aisle and are divorced in five years. They talk about having a “fairy tale” wedding and then drop 6 grand on a see through wedding dress that some albino peacock regurgitated the week before. I don’t know how Angie Harmon got trapped in these whorish, bridal feathers, but I fear for District Attorney Abby Carmichael.

Psss… You’ve spilt something Dress – Barbara HersheyPsss… you’ve split something on your dress, Barbara.

Fabulous, Fabulous, Fabulous Couple – Ernest and Tova Borgnine Ernest was being honored for his lifetime in movies and television, and although he looks great, can we please talk about his wife. DAMN TOVA! I saw her last night sitting next to him and couldn’t wait to see her full look from the red carpet. After Googling her I found out that she is the fifth wife of Ernest, has had a skin care line called Beauty of Tova for 21 years, and is Norwegian. See, you do learn something new everyday. I love her dress. I love her giant hair. Bravo Ernest for landing such a hottie.

Where did she go? – Guiliana Rancic Have you guy seen that episode of Family Guy where Chris becomes a famous artist and move to New York and starts dating Kate Moss except he’s always losing her because she’s so skinny and fall through floor boards and blows away in the wind. I think Family Guy’s animated version of Kate Moss has been Guiliana’s inspiration for just a little too long. Say it with me, “EAT A CHEESEBURGER”!!!

Most Adorable – Hailey Stienfeld Love her! I’m thinking the dress could have just been straight to the floor without the little poof at the bottom, but whatever. The colors totally make up for any “poofing”. It’s fun to see pink and orange on the red carpet on a young girl who can wear super bright colors together and still look appropriate. Just like at the Emmy’s, I love her natural hair and lack of crazy fancy diamonds. Keep it up Hailey and please, please, please fight for the role of Katniss in the movie version of the Hunger Games!!!

Best Lisa Kudro Look-a-like – Heather Morris
Seriously I thought Heather was Lisa… with a whole lot of plastic surgery…

Best for the Pool in Austin – Sarah Hyland
Burnt orange color, check.
Cute tie at the waist, check.
Easy to throw over your swimsuit for a day at the pool or river, check.
Short length to show off my tan legs… crap… I’ll need some scissors.

Best “Did you know I’m sexy” dress – Sofia Vergara
Yeah… she just can't help it.

A New Addition To The Family... George Michael

A while ago I wrote a blog post about how I think about winning the lottery like all the time. (Read it HERE.) I wrote that one of the first things I would buy is a Great Dane puppy. Well ladies and gentlemen, dreams do come true.

Introducing George Michael!
Yeah, I can't tell which are males and which are females, but I'm told our little guy is in there somewhere.

Boyfriend and I have wanted a dog for over three years. We spent a year deciding if we just wanted to go to the local shelter and adopt or what breed would best fit in with our wants and lifestyle. Two years ago we decided on a Great Dane. Finding the perfect breeder was not the easiest thing I’ve ever done, but I know it was worth all the emails and forms and time to make sure I’m getting the perfect puppy who will grow up to be our best friend and part of our little family. It was not a quick process, but Boyfriend and I both knew George Michael would be worth the wait. I promise to post more photos when I get them.

Also, a special thank you to Bianca Gonzalez of Pegasus Great Danes (Check out the website) for remembering me from an email I sent her almost a year ago. She has been so wonderful by answering all my questions about George Michael’s mommy (my baby momma) and dad and texting me numerous photos throughout Baby Momma’s pregnancy because I could only Facebook stalk her photos online so many times.

Oh and FYI... George Michael is named after the Arrested Development character George Michael played by Michael Cera. If we ever get a cat his name will be Tobias, and maybe one day GM will get a cousin named Maeby (Maybe). He is not named after the famous singer/songer writer, but don't think we haven't thought about how it is going to be a little weird yelling for Geroge Michael at the dog park.(Michael Cera as George Michael Bluth)



More photos soon!!!

How I Was Diagnosed With "Magazine Tourettes"...

My co-worker reminded me that I am going to 27 this year. Holy crap! I’m not going to start ranting or anything because I know I have older readers and I don’t want to be “that young girl” who won’t shut up about how 27 is so… old. But, when my co-worker brought up that age a light bulb went off in my head. Hello Lemon Lady! This is why Sunday was so hard.

You see, back in the day I could put the drinks back. I could party all night and rally very quickly the next morning with only a few breakfast tacos and a big ‘ol ice tea. I could go downtown, stumble out of the bars at 2, catch a cab home, throw up, go to bed, and be at work with a smile on my face to open the store I worked for at 9 AM. If I had pancakes at Kerby Lane or a Best Wurst on 6th before the ride home I was even better. I can no longer drink like this! I mean I was drunk on Saturday don’t get me wrong. But I was not falling down, throwing up, forgetting how to play blackjack drunk. (BTW I now know why blackjack dealers say out loud the number you have, because although I knew how to play the game on Saturday night, adding the numbers on the cards was tough.) I guess what I’m trying to say is that on Sunday I was just stupid. Seriously the whole day I felt slow and dumb.

Luckily all I had to do was ride in the car home without embarrassing myself. Unfortunately, I could not do this.

LSU Friend and Lil Blount diagnosed me with Magazine Tourettes.

Magazine Tourettes is a little know syndrome where the person who is afflicted cannot read a magazine without reading aloud random tidbits of information or commenting about articles they read or ads they see.

The February issue of InStyle was the demon that set off my Magazine Tourettes.

I think it should be known first that I absolutely love magazines. Seriously, not a lot of things can hold my attention better than a new, shinny, and glossy magazine. I’m addicted to the smooth pages. I love everything about magazines. I love analyzing the cover stories. I like scrutinizing the advertisements. I read them cover to cover. Honestly, I’ll read anything if it is giving to me in a magazine like way. Consumer Reports vacuum cleaner issue? Sure, I’ll read it. Rolling Stones cover the Jonas Brothers? Why not? Star Magazine makes up some story about Angelina dying in rehab? I’m all over that. Really I’m not picky.

I don’t usually buy InStyle, so opening that large fashion magazine was like a little treat.

Me: “Oh, that bag is nice…”

Cupcake (sitting next to me): “Are you talking to me?”

Me: “Um… Yeah… Look at this cute white bag.”

Cupcake: “Oh, cute.”

Four minutes later…

Me: “Oh? Is that bag leather or cloth?”

Cupcake (looking up from the magazine she is reading): “What?”

LSU Friend (looking back from the front seat): “Um, who are you talking to?”

Me: “What? Oh, um… Cupcake! You saw this bag a few minutes ago; do you think its cloth or leather?”

Cupcake: “I guess leather.”

Three minutes later…

Me: “Oh, that bag is by Ivanka Trump.”

LSU Friend: “What Lemon Lady?”

Lil Blount: “OMG what are you talking about?”

Me: “That bag. It’s by Trump and isn’t that much. You can get it on Piperlime.”

Lil Blount: “Lemon Lady, WE CAN’T SEE WHAT YOU CAN SEE! We have no idea what bag you keep talking about.”

Me: “This one! (pointing to the bag on the magazine page) The one I keep talking about.”

LSU Friend: “Yeah, we get it. You see a bag… in the magazine (now she’s just talking slow because she thinks I’m a moron) but we are up here and Cupcake is reading her own magazine and we have no F-ing idea what you keep saying!”

Lil Blount: “It’s like you have Magazine Tourettes or something.”

And that’s how I was diagnosed.

Then it got worse.

Fifteen minutes later…

Me: “hummm… hehehehe… I’m really into red pants.”

Cupcake: “huh?”

LSU Friend: “Stop with the Tourettes!”

Me: “But this is funny. Someone wrote into the magazine saying they really like red pants but they don’t know if they can pull them off. I mean, if you have to write into a magazine asking how to wear pants, no, you can’t pull them off.”

Lil Blount: “Then Lemon Lady you should say that. You need to give us more of your internal dialogue because we have no F-ing idea what you are talking about when you say you really like red pants.”

Me: “No, the chick who wrote to the magazine likes the red pants. I don’t like red pants.”

Lil Blount: “I know now! But when you first said it I didn’t.”

LSU Friend: “We were just confused and worried about you.”

Me: “I know what I’m talking about.”

Cupcake (trying to be nice): “Yeah but no one else does and we think you’re talking to us.”

Me: “Sorry, I’ll try harder.”

I then proceeded to have Magazine Tourettes for another forty five minutes while I finished the magazine. (I mean have y'all seen the new Limited ads? They are really confusing!) I think it was the hungover slowness I had been experiencing all day. I knew I should say things out loud. I knew my friends in the front seat had no idea what I was talking about and that Cupcake was in her own little world playing Angry Birds sitting next to me, but I couldn’t control myself. I just hope that this is a passing disease and won’t stay with me too long.

Golden Globes 2011: The Best, The Ugly, and Then There Was Halle Berry...

Okay, so I’ll be honest with y’all, the Globes were happening live while I was driving home very hungover from Baton Rouge. Boyfriend was great and DVR’ed them for me because I completely 100% forgot that they were that weekend. This means I didn’t really watch the Globes in their entirety, but fast forwarded a whole lot, saw the winners, deleted the recording, and called it a day. I didn’t even get to hear all the widely inappropriate jokes Ricky Grevais spouted out all night. However, I did notice the dresses and every since Sunday I’ve been looking at them all over the internet. Some grew on me and others will always be ugly. Here are my thoughts on the good, the bad, and the “what the hell was she thinking?!?!”

First up, the good…

Best Dressed of the Night… Hailee Stienfeld Yes, she is 15 and can’t drive a car or get into a rated R movie. I don’t care. She looks 100% perfect. The dress is elegant, fitted well, and is totally appropriate for a 15 year old. She’s not showing off her boobies and her hair isn’t up done up like a Stepford Wife. She isn’t wearing 4 million dollars worth of jewelry. I love her turquoise clutch as a little pop of color. This is how young Hollywood should dress. Up and coming Disney stars, please take notes.

Best Color… Mila Kunis First things first, could Mia Kunis be anymore gorgeous? I don’t think so. Ever since That 70’s Show I’ve been waiting for her to be in a fabulous movie, just to see what she would wear on the red carpet. Out of all the green dresses we saw on Sunday night, Mila’s was the best. The emerald is perfect on her skin and it fits beautifully. The only thing I would have changed… a little bolder jewelry and maybe a brighter pink lip.

Best New Comer to the Red Carpet… Emma Stone
Okay, I get that she’s been in other movies. Superbad, anyone? But these Globes being her first, she looks great. I love the minimalist look of the dress and even thought I love Emma as a red head, I love the whole “peaches and cream” look with her blonde hair. Thank you Emma for wearing something different and pulling it off, even if you look like Kate Bosworth's twin.

Best “Inside Baby” Dress… Natalie Portman This dress has been a little controversial on the net. People have seemed to either love it or hate it. Personally I love the dress. It’s cute and playful and again something different. Yeah, she could have just worn a Greek Goddess dress in navy, but she didn’t. I love pink and red together and yes, I love the rose. The necklace is elegant and simple and not competing with the rose (which any jewelry could easily do). The only thing I would change, and yes I know I’m nit picking now, is the bag. I think it’s a little to matchy-matchy with the red rose and red shoes (which are awesome). I think silver would have been a better choice.

Sexiest Man… Kevin McHale I adore with kid! Well… boy… man… 23 year old. I loved him at the Emmy’s last year and I love him here. The jacket is fun and matches the fun show he is on. I mean he’s not nominated for the TV singer version of Schindler’s List. Why not have some fun. His glasses are downright sexy and even Kyra Sedgwick is licking her lips over him in the background. Keep it up Artie! Love, your biggest fan… Lemon Lady

Best Dressed Couple Channeling Michelle Williams and Heath Ledger… Kyra Sedgwick and Kevin Bacon Y’all remember this…
Well here is the 2011 version and I still love it. Yellow is a weakness color for me. Anyone who wears it and pulls it off is automatically a favorite of mine. Anyone who wears it with chunky, awesome gold and turquoise jewelry is even better. Plus, I love those new Kevin Bacon commercials where Kevin Bacon is pretending to be such a Kevin Bacon fan that he turned into Kevin Bacon… so funny.

Dress I’d Most Like to Wear… Amber Riley It’s awesome. She looks awesome. I want to rip it off her body and wear to the grocery store because if I owned a dress like that I would wear it EVERYWHERE!

And the bad…

Most Boring and Blah… Amy Adams I know I might take some slack for this, but I did not like Amy Adam’s dress on Sunday. I thought it was dull and boring and even more boring the more I look at is and try to dissect it. I will admit she looks great and has lost the baby weight. Congrats. Other than that I really don’t have anything nice to say. The color is dull. It’s not a rich navy or a deep royal blue but some “yawn like” in between blue. Plus the fabric that makes up the detail up top looks like formal living room curtains. There is a fan of formal living room curtains coming out of her hips. No bueno.

Ugliest Medieval Dress… Anne Hathaway This looks like chainmail. Like really ugly, gold spray painted chainmail. Or really ugly, gold spray painted back splash kitchen tile. I can’t make up my mind.

Dress Most Likely to Get Kicked Off Project Runway… Elizabeth Moss Bad. Really bad. It is over worked and doesn’t fit. It’s one of those Project Runway dresses where the designer thinks it looks amazing and fabulous and all the other contestants know it’s God awful and ill fitting but they don’t tell that designer and instead let him sink him/herself on the runway. Yeah, one of those…

Worst Barbie… January Jones She looks like Graduation Tassel Barbie… complete with plastic tatas. Not a good look.

Most Confused… Jennifer Love Hewitt Now I know it’s just mean to make fun of JLH. You know she wakes up every morning and looks at herself in the mirror and repeats the same mantra over and over again, “I did not peak in 1998. I did not peak in 1998. I did not peak…” This dress is half “I’m so desperate to married”, half I kinda look a giant clam, and half “am I and investment banker, because I seem to be carrying a giant white briefcase as a purse on the red carpet”.

Dress That Ate 13… Olivia Wilde Nom Nom Nom Nom…

Worst Printed Burlap Bag Dress… Michelle Williams There are good ways to do prints on the red carpet. Y’all remember Kate Hudson at the Golden Globes 7 years ago.
Gorgeous! Michelle Williams… not so much. It seriously looks like a brown canvas bag with ironed on daisies. The flower straps remind me of the sunflower craze in the 1990s. And not cool “oh Marc Jacobs trying to bring grunge back in the slouchy corduroy pant” way, but bad “I wore a dress with sunflowers on the straps to my cousin’s wedding in Oklahoma” way. Seriously all she is missing is the floppy Blossom hat.

Worst of the Night… Julianna Margulies Something must have happened. Something bad because I know Julianna wouldn’t show up to the Golden Globes with her hair thrown up off her face, no lipstick, wearing black Spanx with a pink sheet tied at her waist, and really ugly pointed black bridesmaid’s shoes if something hadn’t gone wrong.

Finally, what y’all have all been waiting for...

The “What the Hell was she thinking” Dress… Halle Berry
Duh.

Check out the Best and Worst hair and makeup from Sunday at A Dash of Perspective and say hi to New Friend A while your at it.