Tuesday, April 3, 2012

Defending My Dog, Jon Snow, and Other Failed Writings

My blog has become all about baby steps. Back in the day when I had 4 hours to spare at my old job I wrote so much! Not only did I post 4 or 5 times a week, but I wrote these long thought out narratives with back stories and dialogue. Yup… Not so much anymore. Lately all my blog ideas have either been lists or random thoughts that are too long for a Facebook status update, but not long enough to fill an entire post. So, in case you miss the old Lemons Lemons Lemons or if you are questioning my ability to write (which to be honest I kinda am) please go back and read some stories from this time last year.
 
Or you can just enjoy a few lists and random rants below.
 
Last night at 9PM I took George Michael out for his last walk before going to bed. (Yes, I go to bed early.) As we are strolling along his favorite patch of grass he sees this woman with her lab/shepherd thing… dog. Anyway, GM starts going crazy because he wants to go say hi and I’m holding him back telling him to stop being an asshole and trying to get him to turn the other way, when the lady yells out to me (she at least 40 feet away), “Do you run with him?”
 
Do I run with him? No, I don’t run with him. A – a huge reason I got a Great Dane was because I didn’t want an active dog. I don’t like to exercise. I am not a jogger. B – he’s a GREAT DANE! After a half mile of jogging with my dog he would pass out from a combination of heat exhaustion, hip dysplasia, and extreme annoyance that he isn’t being allowed to lay on his bed and eat his new favorite toy while occasionally glancing at a bird or two outside.
 
“No. We don’t run.” This is all I say because I don’t want to be a bitch and I get it… she might not know a lot about Danes and their lack of love for forced exercise.
 
“Well you should. Big dogs need to run.”
 
Really? Are you lecturing me about how I take of my dog  from 40 feet away while I try to get him to poo before bed?
 
“My dog and I always walk by your window and see your big dog and he always barks and jumps around. Big dogs need to run and get out.”
 
At this point I’m standing in wet grass in my yoga pants and tank top taking crap from this bitch and her ugly dog when I should be picking up my dog’s crap so I can go to bed. I’m not in a good mood.
 
“Intense exercise, like running, could cause my dog to become geriatric before his time and cause me thousands of dollars in vet bills to replace his hips and knees. I also don’t appreciate you letting your dog tease my dog at my patio window. That seems very cruel that you would be okay with getting a dog all rowdy when he is inside and obviously cannot come out to play.”
 
I win.
 
Holy Crap! Can we please talk about how AWESOME the HBO series Game of Thrones is?!?! I’ve read the books and now I’m almost done watching the first season and I LOVE it. Like really. I want to marry Jon and be Dani. In my mind the person who said they would date me in the comments of my previous post. - “I’d totally date you… but it would be awkward.” – Yeah, I’m 97% sure the bastard Jon Snow wrote that and no Jon, it wouldn’t be awkward it would be so right…
 
Last weekend I saw two people I haven’t seen in 10 years. The first was this guy I’ve known since, well technically I think my freshmen year of high school, but I don’t think I ever really talked to him until when I moved back to San Antonio for my senior year. He convinced me in English class that year to read Dante’s Inferno, and I appreciate the random Hemmingway quotes he will post on Facebook. Also, his dog is kinda adorable. Oh, and while I was at his house on Friday his freezer was stocked with a huge box of those Freeze Ice Pops. Yup. They made me happy. I mean not that I wasn’t happy to see Kyle, but who doesn’t get super happy to see an old friend AND get Freeze Ice Pops?
 
On Saturday I saw my friend Nathan who I’ve known since 8th grade ever since a friend’s birthday and an argument over a pink miniature golf ball. What I find interesting about seeing these two people is learning about their lives since my last interaction with them. Especially Nathan. Sometimes we, as people, get so caught up in our own lives that you forget there are people all around you dealing with things that are just as exciting and fabulous or as shitty and ridiculous as your problems and situations. Think your last relationship sucked? Well talk to Nathan. Think you had a crazy time last weekend? Well talk to Kyle about waking up in nothing but a short plush bathrobe and a gun holster. People amaze me.
 
And because I can’t seem to write anything that doesn’t have to do with my new found singlehood… I think it’s funny how single people bond really fast. Like everyone who I know who is single or even people I just randomly meet who are single and then find out that I am as well, well there is this immediate bond. It’s like, “Wooh! You’re alone? Me too! Let’s be best friends forever now and take shots!” It’s like I’m being inducted to this new club, except it’s like being inducted to the 99%. We are all a part of it, but everyone wishes (either secretly or not) that they could join the 1%. It’s not like that when you are in a relationship. People are catty bitches and assholes when they are in relationships. Instead of the instant sisterhood or brotherhood there is instant resentment with other people in couples. Why? Because when you are in a relationship you automatically think that no one in the world has that special something that you have with your significant other. No one has ever been in love like you two. No one has ever wanted someone they way you do. No one has ever been “floating in the clouds, punch drunk twitter patted like you”. Whereas when you are single EVERYONE can relate to your fucked up Ex, that horrible blind date your “friend” set you up on, and those horrible, horrible drunken nights when you made all those mistakes.