Top Grudges of All Time...

Todays grudge is "First Grade Monster".

Karen was in my first grade class and was a complete terror. She was already a foot taller than everyone else in the class and her three favorite things to do were push, punch, and kick. I mean this girl had absolutely no social graces at all. For a long time I just felt sorry for her because she had no friends, but then I invited her to play tag at recess and she punched me in the arm and spat on my shoes. You would think that this would be the reason for the grudge but no. Bodily fluids I can take. I once saw a boy pee on the jungle gym and never told the teacher. What really annoyed me was when she got me in trouble for just going to the bathroom!!!

The bathroom in our Elementary school had about 6 small stalls and one large handicap stall at the end of the row. In first grade using the big handicap stall became the “cool thing to do”. This meant that during bathroom breaks almost all the small stalls would be open, but there would be a line of 6 year olds waiting for the handicap stall. I never saw the appeal in this. I would always go in one of the small stalls and that was that. Did I rebel because I wanted my fellow classmate to think I was cool and didn’t follow the trends? No. Was I scared to fall in the larger toilet? No. I didn’t line up for the Taj Mahal of urinating experiences because I was guilty. I just knew that as soon as I went into that roomy stall some poor handicap, homeless, “I have only one leg” child would wonder into the bathroom and think I was a total Ass Hole for using her only handicap stall. The fact that we didn’t have any handicap kids in the school was completely beside the point. I knew it would happen to me. Even in first grade I was “that girl”.

What happened was one day our teacher figured out why it was taking her girls so long in the bathroom and told us no one was allowed to use the big stall. Karen decided that I was the one who told on all of them because I was the only one that didn’t use said stall. So, to get her revenge, she kicked me in my legs causing me to back up through the bathroom until I was in the handicap stall and then closed the door and wouldn’t let me out. I pounded and yelled for a bit, but when I figured out she wasn’t moving her big fat ass, I decided I might as well pee. I pulled down my leggings (the only type of pants I wore) and used the awesome, handicap toilet. While I was peeing in bliss, Karen (that bitch) ran outside and told my teacher I was using the big bathroom!!!

I was a total kiss ass in first grade and when my teacher started to chastise me, I lost it. I cried and tried to explain what had really happened but she didn’t want to hear me. We all walked back to our classroom at the end of the hall and right then and there I vowed my revenge. I would not let Karen get away with this injustice. I never made her eat paste or convinced her her parents were getting a divorce (like I tried) but karma is a bitch and I know someday someone will kick her into a toilet stall… or worse…

Come back next week for more “All Time Top Grudges”!