Crappy Bands, 8th grade A-Hole, and a Batman Mask...

Random Thoughts…

A couple of days ago I was driving two co-workers and myself to lunch at Subway (Eat Fresh). As I pulled into an empty parking spot I noticed that next to the Sandwich store was a small postal shop. I had two or three letters in my car I needed to mail, so this discovery made me happy. I turned to the co-worker who was riding shot gun and told him to open the center console of my little SUV and pull out the envelope. Turns out the letter I was looking to mail was nowhere to be seen but there was a stack of CDs inside, and which CD happened to be on top of the group??? Creed. Oh, yeah straight out of sophomore year My Own Prison. Both co-workers then spent the entire lunch hour singing in raspy Scott Strap voice. (Yeah, I know his name and didn’t have to look it up.)

So who do y'all think is the band that's all cool and whatnot right now, but in 10 years will embarrass me by being on my iPod???

I did a post few weeks ago about my greatest grudges of all time. The story about Karen pushing me into the big bathroom and then how I got blamed was just long enough to write a blog post about. This one isn’t, but this person is just as much a mortal enemy as evil 1st grade witch, Karen.

Tristan Maldonado. Tristan Maldonado told all the cool people in 8th grade he saw me picking my nose in English class. Okay, here is where we all need to be honest. We have all, this includes you Tristan, picked our nose at some point. Sometimes we don’t have a tissue. Maybe what we thought was just going to be a light nose scratch turns into to something more once your hand gets up there. Whatever the reason everyone has done it. I admit it. I have picked my nose. What I would never, ever, ever do… is pick it in a room full of mean, snobby, 14 year old haters. Middle School is harsh and there is no way in Hell I went anywhere near my nose in the middle of English class you mean insensitive jerk!!! Seriously why would anyone say something like that? I wasn’t exactly part of the popular crowd in 8th grade, but I was not a loser either. I was short, had braces, wore my sister’s clothes all the time (because she left the house before me and came home after me), and in honors classes, but not a loser. (Oh, and now that I remember it… It was Honors English, so he was just as much a nerd as I was.) Then, and this is where you’ll be like “oh, no he didn’t”, my senior year of High School he told Best Friend that he thought I was hot. Yeah, “Oh no he didn’t”!!! You don’t get to think I’m pretty you mean, hateful, jack ass!!! You, sir, are now and forever on my shit list.


Oh and at the wedding Chicago Bridesmaid took this classic…

Top Grudges of All Time...

Todays grudge is "First Grade Monster".

Karen was in my first grade class and was a complete terror. She was already a foot taller than everyone else in the class and her three favorite things to do were push, punch, and kick. I mean this girl had absolutely no social graces at all. For a long time I just felt sorry for her because she had no friends, but then I invited her to play tag at recess and she punched me in the arm and spat on my shoes. You would think that this would be the reason for the grudge but no. Bodily fluids I can take. I once saw a boy pee on the jungle gym and never told the teacher. What really annoyed me was when she got me in trouble for just going to the bathroom!!!

The bathroom in our Elementary school had about 6 small stalls and one large handicap stall at the end of the row. In first grade using the big handicap stall became the “cool thing to do”. This meant that during bathroom breaks almost all the small stalls would be open, but there would be a line of 6 year olds waiting for the handicap stall. I never saw the appeal in this. I would always go in one of the small stalls and that was that. Did I rebel because I wanted my fellow classmate to think I was cool and didn’t follow the trends? No. Was I scared to fall in the larger toilet? No. I didn’t line up for the Taj Mahal of urinating experiences because I was guilty. I just knew that as soon as I went into that roomy stall some poor handicap, homeless, “I have only one leg” child would wonder into the bathroom and think I was a total Ass Hole for using her only handicap stall. The fact that we didn’t have any handicap kids in the school was completely beside the point. I knew it would happen to me. Even in first grade I was “that girl”.

What happened was one day our teacher figured out why it was taking her girls so long in the bathroom and told us no one was allowed to use the big stall. Karen decided that I was the one who told on all of them because I was the only one that didn’t use said stall. So, to get her revenge, she kicked me in my legs causing me to back up through the bathroom until I was in the handicap stall and then closed the door and wouldn’t let me out. I pounded and yelled for a bit, but when I figured out she wasn’t moving her big fat ass, I decided I might as well pee. I pulled down my leggings (the only type of pants I wore) and used the awesome, handicap toilet. While I was peeing in bliss, Karen (that bitch) ran outside and told my teacher I was using the big bathroom!!!

I was a total kiss ass in first grade and when my teacher started to chastise me, I lost it. I cried and tried to explain what had really happened but she didn’t want to hear me. We all walked back to our classroom at the end of the hall and right then and there I vowed my revenge. I would not let Karen get away with this injustice. I never made her eat paste or convinced her her parents were getting a divorce (like I tried) but karma is a bitch and I know someday someone will kick her into a toilet stall… or worse…

Come back next week for more “All Time Top Grudges”!