It's Sew On... Recap Friday!!!

Project Runway is back!!!

This show takes me back to my 2nd year in college, crushing on Austin Scarlet, Mike’s Hard Lemonade, and make your own Whole Food Salads.

This season starts with Heidi and Tim Gun sitting in what sounds like the studio bathroom talking about this year’s AWESOME designers. Seriously, the acoustics remind me of when I was 8 and would go into my parent’s bathroom and record myself singing Disney and Starlight Express songs. We hear from Heidi that Andy, “Is Asian and (wait for surprise eyes) cool!” Who knew Asians were so cool right now? Mondo has those Bad Ass Ran Ban glasses I wanted as sun glasses but he wears them all day a normal glasses, so he must be awesome. Plus Tim calls him “adorable” and I totally agree. McKell, who has dreadlocks and is from Utah, pronounces her name “McCow”. Does a “McCow” have a regional accent??? Casanova has a GIANT mouth and as annoying as his name is, it is actually his last name. Wash. Plus he says, “Will New York eat me, or will I eat New York.” I’m going to say you will eat it… and all the burrows. Seriously, his mouth enters the room five minutes before the rest of his face. Jason comes wearing a bowler hat for intimidation, you know “like gladiators or how Native Americans wore Mohawks”. (His words not mine.) April will make tea party dresses, but only if they are gnarly tea parties.

Eventually everyone gathers at Lincoln Center and out walks Heidi and Tim. Heidi’s legs are still amazing, but I like it when her hair is a little more blond. Tim is as dashing as ever. (I love Tim Gun. He would be my pick be my dad after my actual dad and Mack Brown. Close third.) They announce that because there are 17 designer here (to quote Madonna from League of Their Own) “some of yous gonna have to go home.” One, two, ten??? They won’t know till after the runway.

First Challenge!!! Everyone open your suitcases and pick out a piece of clothing to incorporate in your design, but (there is always a but) pass that item to your right. That’s right you get 5 hours to make something with the butt ugly (fill in the blank) clothing item of your competitor! Have fun! Oh, and Casanova didn’t seem to understand that “incorporate into your design” meant “ tear, rip, cut, and completely render un-wearable to anyone besides a size 0 model” because he selected his 1070$ Dolce and Gabanna olive pants. Damn that language barrier.

Workroom Time!!! The workroom looks like every other season except the sewing room looks like a prison that has been wall papered in grey paint swatches from Sherman Williams. We learn more about the designers like Valerie was poor growing up and had to shop at Wienners. (I feel like Wienners has come up on this show before… did Santino have to go there as a kid??? I can’t remember…) Also Michael says he will be out of his element working with fabrics instead of knits, but then says, “if you are a designer you should know how to work with all fabrics” when Peach starts hating on the orange scarf he gave to her for the challenge that kept falling apart.

Tim Comes to Visit!!! Jason has a “fashion corset”. Yeah, it’s a corset he wears over his clothes with pins, thread, and scissors all sticking to it. I feel like he shouldn’t run… or wear it outside.

Model time!!! Jason is upset because his model has giant knockers. I mean he makes it seem like this girl is walking down the streets of New York with basketballs taped to her chest. In reality she might… might have a B cup and it’s probably only because she’s about to start her period. I mean I went to middle school with girls who have bigger ta tas than this chick. McKell wants her model to have a “girly Mohawk”. (But do those intimidate like a gladiator? I think not.) Michael wants makeup that is “whimsical but not drag queen.” (Such a fine line.) Kristen forgot that she actually has to dress her model until 15 minutes before the runway show. Casanova’s model wasn’t even kinda dressed when Tim called time and told everyone to head to the runway. And Jason (with his corset, tool belt, Bat Cave of goodies tied to his torso) didn’t have time or supplies to finish his dress and he his walking out the door while stapling his model into his outfit.

Runway Show!!!

Roll Call…
Heidi (with new darker hair)
Michael (Botox Baby)
Nina (I’d go lesbian)
Selma Blair??? (Does anyone else think Selma Blair fashion and think this…)

(Because I do...)


AJ: Hot Topic prom dress with a foil bow.


Andy: This looks like the bastard child of Asian Robin Hood and an eclectic art teacher.


April: This finishing is horrible. the hem is wonky and there are strings hanging down. As for the actual design... I feel like those white strings look like worms, and she said earlier she was inspired by morgues, so maybe hangy strings are a part of her design aesthetic.


Casanova: Blake Lively + Tarzan + my dish towels


Christopher: I like this. It's a litte boring and safe and I wish it was longer, but it's pretty. Plus the collar looks like Kumomoto Oyster Shells. (mmmmmm.... oysters....)


Gretchen: (WINNER) Very pretty. The back is very delicate and girly and the models hair and makeup was perfect. I agree with the judges.


Ivy: The judges hated this and almost sent Ivy packing. I don't love it, but I don't hate it. They were upset because she made pants out of pants. I get that, but they do look like brand new pants. The top is ridiculous, and so are the big hoop ear rings. Again, I didn't hate it and I'm glad they let her stay because I feel like she is better than this.


Jason: I wrote in my notes, "Friar Tuck wannaby". Heidi says it looks like the cape they put around you when you are getting your hair done. Either way... it's not a good look.


Kristen: First I had to remind myself who Kristen was which is never a good thing if you're on reality TV. The dress... meh. I believe it was made from Andy's kilt and I would have rather seen Andy wear it as a kilt. The fabric looks heavy, almost like it was originally a picnic blanket and it started raining so she wrapped herself in it and ran to the car... yeah something like that.


McKell: (LOOSER) I don't 100% agree with the judges on this one. The dress is... okay. I don't like the wings on her shoulders, but I like the concept and except for maybe a little too much side boob action it seems to be constructed well. I do agree with the judges opinion that the styling is horrendous!!! What is up with that bag??? And why was everyone whispering how adorable it was when the model was on the runway??? And the "girly Mohawk" didn't work. It had its faults but I don't think she should have been sent home for styling issues.


Michael: He described his look as, "classy, elegant, and sophisticated." In reality it's a red top with no back paired with a short black faux leather skirt. Yup, classy.


Michael(2): I kinda love this. The frabic print it cool and modern and I love the shape. As the model started walking down the runway I too wondered, "Why is there a Native American belt buckle glued under her right boob?" Then she turned around and the back has a lot of beading detail that ties into the belt buckle. Could he just have left off the damn thing, yes... but I still like it.


Mondo: This is safe but cute. It has a vintage feel and reminds me of my Aunt's old kitchen and the avacodo green fridge she used to have. Plus I love the red clutch with it.


Nicholas: Gross. I hate this. This is bridesmaid dress from Hell. It is boring, made out of the worst fabric ever, and why does an evening gown need a built in purse??? I would put a gun in it and then ask someone to kill me for going out in public in that dress, or shoot the bride... whatever.


Peach: I wish designers would make their dresses just a little longer. This looks like a nice lunch or shower dress but it's a little to short. Of course then you turn around and there is a big bow of toile coming out your ass. Seriously, I looks like the veil Brides wear during their Bachelorette Party, but coming out her ass!!! Not the best look for Grandma's afternoon tea.


Sarah: Target 24.99$


Valerie: Monster dress??? Does anyone else see "boob cup" eyes and a mouth sticking its tongue out???


Come back every Friday for my Project Runway recap. Let me know what you think!