The Emmy's: The Good, The Bad, and The "What The F Were They Thinking"...

I know you guys love reading about me making a fool of myself or if I can’t summon a “Lemon Lady mucho embarrassing” blog post, you will settle for a “here is one of my friends being awkward in a social setting” post. But, not today my friends. Not today. Today I want to talk fashion. And not “I’m on like the 18th season of Project Runway, and I have hipster bangs, and I’ll be really bitchy but make really fabulous clothes” kinda talk, but real fashion talk. With real designers and dresses made out of silk not paper streamers found in a craft store.

Let’s talk about the Emmys!!!

Jayma Mays (Burberry Prorsum): She looks 100% adorable. Like I kinda want to squeeze her until she pops and them steel her jewelry. By the way, in case you are a huge Glee fan, but don’t have the endless internet hours as I seem to have, check out wwepw.blogspot.com (What Would Emma Pillsbury Wear) for your fix of beaded cardigans and anything else Jayma Mays may wear as Emma Pillsbury on Glee.

Kate Gosslin (Carmen Marc Valvo): Why the F is Kate Gossling at the Emmy’s and why is she doing the Kelly Kapowski comb over? I mean she had that horrible hair because she was a mom of eight kids under the age of five and she had no soul, but isn’t she rich with nannies and such now? Get a stylist!!! Or at least when you go into the salon and your hair dresser says, “I want to do something a little crazy but super cool…” politely say, “No thanks. Can you please just take off the dead ends and give me a few layers.” The worst you could end up with is a bad Rachel circa 1997.

Lea Michele (Oscar de la Renta): “You call him Oscar?” “That is his name.” (Please keep reading past my jokes with myself in my head.) Lea, if lose any more weight, your head will fall over and you’ll have to have Brittany hold it up, and honestly she has the best lines in the show and you don’t want her stealing your thunder. Or, maybe you could be in one of those wheelchairs with the head holding thing and Artie could be your love interest this season. Then again I like Artie and “insert Asian Girl’s name”, so Lea eat a Hamburger.

Tina Fey (Oscar de la Renta): Yes, her dress looks like it’s covered in WingDings font. Yes, it is a risk. Yes, I like it.

Sofia Vergara (Carolina Herrera): Okay she is gorgeous, and although I’ve only seen one episode of Modern Family (yeah I know I need to get on that) I thought she was hilarious. But this dress looks straight from the sale prom rack at Macy’s. And, not the good sale prom rack where I got my senior prom dress for 35$ as seen here… but the crappy, we only have weird colors and mis-squined sale prom dress rack. Lo siento Sofia. (Oh and I see you trying to hide Rita Wilson. I'm getting to you soon.)

Kevin McHale (designer unknown): Best. Dressed. Man. Of. The. Night. Hands down, he looks amazing. Artie has become Artie the “Hottie I want to make out with in the library in between the book stacks in a kinda popular section so we might get caught.” The glasses, the one button suit, the swagger… everything is perfect.

Christina Hendricks (Zac Posen): For those of you who don’t follow red carpet looks like they’re all the Super Bowl, Christina has had some very bad days. She talks about loving her curves, but not being able to find a designer who can handle her… um… GIANT BOOBS. She almost got it right this time, almost. If I were her I would have told my limo driver to stop at a Walgreens on the way there and picked up a pair of scissors and cut off those sleeve dangly things. Give her some thick straps to hold those St. Bernard puppies up, but they don’t need tentacles.

Emily Blunt (Christian Dior): Um, can’t Emily afford a new dress that doesn’t have barnacles attached to it like it was dragged across the Atlantic caught onto the bottom on the May Flower?

Heidi Klum (Marchesa): I said earlier I wasn’t recapping Project Runway and these wouldn’t be dresses made from ribbon in a craft store. Evidently Heidi didn’t get the memo, or Seal lost it.

Rita Wilson (Prada): Rita, Rita, Rita… One: Some things are better left to the 15 year old runway models. Two: You don’t wear your Prada Chandelier dress with your Prada Chandelier Mules. Three: You don’t wear your Prada Chandelier dress with your Prada Chandelier Mules. And Four: Where are your husband’s eyes?

January Jones (Atelier Versace): This is the dress everyone is talking about. What was she thinking? Who does she think she is wearing something like this? And again, what was she thinking? It is plastic? How many mermaids were killed to make the scales? If you stare at her pointy boobs long enough do they tell you secrets? Should it be longer in the front or do you chop off the Princess Diana train? Did she get in a fight with rabid raccoons on the way to the Emmy’s because why would her hair intentionally look like that? There are good risks and bad risks, this was a bad one.

Then there are the “What the F were they thinking” dresses…

Dianna Agron:

Mindy Kaling:

Naya Rivera: