I Need You Help! Oh, and Boyfriend's New Foot Wear...

Okay, blog readers, I’ve done a lot for you in the past. In the past year, well almost year, I’ve slaved over my TV set recapping series just to be seriously pissed off when people like Gretchen win Project Runway, I’ve embarrassed most of my friends (and I don’t have that many to start with), and I’ve shamed myself countless times by telling and retelling way too many awkward stories about my life. I’ve done this all for you readers.

So, I’m asking for something in return. I need advice.

My sister, over at www.froggyandthemouse.com is on this HUGE blog kick. She just got her own domain, she upped her blogging skills by tackling wordpress, she got some designer to make her fancy new graphics, she started Tweeting, she has a specific FaceBook page just for her blog, she blogs like every day… Can we all just take a moment and bask in my sister’s awesomeness…

Okay no more basking, back to doing.

I by no means and am trying to be my sister, but Sister has this goal of us both going to the BlogHer 2012 Conference and to do this, I would much rather have a sponsor (or multiple sponsors) to pay for a big chunk of the expense. Therefore I need to up my blog awesomeness and get some more exposure.

Being a part of BlogHer is really cool. I applied and did a lot of work like five months ago just to be put on a waiting list. Now, you can find me on their website www.blogher.com and that ad there ->

Yeah, if you click that I get paid… heck yeah!

My big issue with marketing my blog is I feel like it doesn’t fall into a nice, neat category for readers. Meaning I can’t market to fashion sites, because my blog is not a fashion blog. It’s not an entertainment blog nor a TV blog. I’m not a mother, military wife, or deaf African American gardener. If anyone can figure out how to explain LemonsLemonsLemons in 5 words or less, please let me know. And just FYI, “Awkward 20 something” seems to be too vague and hasn’t really helped me.

I would also appreciate some feedback about what you like and don’t like about my site. Do you like the title or do you think it’s weird and has nothing to do with what I write about? Do you like my blog’s simplistic style or should I jazz it up a bit? Are the BlogHer ads in a weird spot? Is the font to small? Do I use to many pictures or not enough pictures? Are you on Twitter? Would you follow LemonsLemonsLemons if it was on Twitter? What are you favorite posts ever? Which posts did you not care for? Do you miss the TV recaps? Would you like more red carpet coverage?

I know I’m asking a lot, but I’m very interested in hearing what you guys have to say and how y’all feel. I know many of you don’t comment very often, but please help me out today and leave a quick note.

Oh, and because I don’t expect you to do everything for me, here is a mini post.

Last week, Boyfriend and I drove to San Antonio to hang out with my parents, grandparents, and uncle. 30 minutes before we left Boyfriend came limping into the kitchen where my grandmother and I were playing a card game while waiting for dad to finish the ribs on the grill.

Boyfriend: “Um, do you think your parents have a Band-Aid?

Since Boyfriend refuses to wear shoes whenever he is within 100 feet of a pool, of course he was walking barefoot while cleaning the filter and of course he cut his foot. My mom quickly transformed in Wonder Mom and had his foot bandaged in less than five. One Dora the Explorer later and he was fine. Five minutes after that we were all sitting around the table eating ribs and everything in the world was good once again.

On Monday I came to a bag full of this on my table.

According to Boyfriend ALL this was needed to help him heal properly because his foot had almost fallen off in San Antonio.

Oh, and in case you are wondering what a “finger cot” is, here is a visual.

Yes, Boyfriend has been walking around all week with a tiny condom on his toe and he sees nothing wrong with this.

Please, please leave some comments and help me out. Thanks y’all!

New Friend A's Answers From Yestersay's Post: Does She Pass?

Thank you A for playing along with me yesterday.

Now, everyone else let’s analyze her answers…

1. Besides Germany where else have you lived?

"Nebraska, Mississippi, Florida, Las Vegas, The Azores, Iceland, Germany, Nebraska, Virginia."

Nebraska: Never been but Caliman is from Nebraska and he’s pretty cool. Plus 2
Mississippi: I cannot be okay with A spending time in a state that is so close to Alabama. Minus 1
Florida: I like the sun and beaches and alligators. Plus 1
Las Vegas: Gambling… fun. Living in Vegas before you’re 21… not fun. Minus 3
The Azores: When I first read her answer of The Azores I immediately ran to the bathroom to check out my map of the world shower curtain and properly locate The Azores. Here they are. A, told me last night that it was boring living there and I can’t believe that. Here is a picture of what people do in the Azores according to a travel website. I mean how is that not fun and exciting. Plus 5
Iceland: I would love to visit, but I would not love to live there. Draw
Germany: She met me! She was annoyed my me… Plus 2 anyway for Germany being awesome
Nebraska: Ick, why move back? Caliman is still from there, though. Plus 1 but no more for Nebraska
Virginia: History, Crab, and DC… Plus 1

Ending with 8 awesome points!

2. If you could be a tree, what kind of tree would you be and why? (Bonus points for knowing what movie the question is from.)

“Don’t know of the top of my head (Do share E!), and I think a magnolia, I love the beautiful flowers, or a weeping willow with Spanish moss hanging from it. Very southern, and I wish I would have been born southern, like 1800’s big beautiful dresses, ice teas on porches southern.”

Okay, so A doesn’t know the movie. (Minus 3) The question is from Drop Dead Gorgeous. It’s a mocumentary about The Mount Rose American Beauty Pageant in Mount Rose, Minnesota. It stars Kirsten Dunst, Kristie Alley, and Denise Richards and is FUCKING FUNNY!!! The question comes from the interview part of the pageant where all the contestants are asked that question except Kristen Dunst. She is being sabotaged by Kristie Alley and Denise Richards and is asked to name and spell all the states in alphabetical order instead.

As for A’s answers of either being a Weeping Willow or a Magnolia tree I give a solid Plus 2 for picking pretty trees.

3. Quick name your future children in 10 seconds or less!

“Boy, Jackson Thomas, girl, London Ann.”

Jackson is my nephew’s name but I knew a mean kid in 2nd grade named Thomas. Minus 1
London is my favorite city, and I like old fashion names like Ann. Plus 1 (would have been more if she spelled Ann with an E)

4. Deaf for the rest of your life or Blind? Which would you pick?

“Deaf, I get annoyed by stupid people and I would notice how stupid people are way less if I was deaf.”

The perfect answer. Plus 5

5. Do you think Tom Cruise has a middle tooth?

“I think Tom Cruise is part alien, so yes, he may very well have a middle tooth”

A is kinda beating around the bush here. The answer is yes. Check it out. But, I like that she explains the phenomena of the middle tooth by bringing up his alien status. Plus 2

Scenario and multiple choice questions next.

1. If you are traveling through life at a normal speed and then all of a sudden you reconnect with someone from your past (let’s call her Gertrude) and she turns out to be your long lost best friend, how long will it take you to get to Austin to hang out?

“Hope for more overtime for me, the visit will come faster that way. Know I am working on it. Soon, sooner if Sandra Bullock gets the same breakfast tacos as you, I think she would make a great big sister/mentor for us. I'm not sure if you like her, but I have a girl crush on her.”

Hoping for overtime – Minus 3
Knowing that she is working on it – Plus 1
A wanting Sandra Bullock to eat my breakfast tacos – Minus 5 (No one eats my breakfast tacos!)
A wanting Sandra Bullock to be my mentor – Minus 10 (And no I won’t watch the Blindside with you A)
A having a girl crush on Sandra Bullock – Plus 1 (I fully support love and crushes no matter on who… okay maybe not Hitler, but you get the idea.)

2. “Two roads diverged in a yellow wood and sorry I could not travel both…” When you read these words do you think
A. Robert Frost I remember him from 9th grade.
B. Robert Frost, but not his best work.
C. That’s Robert Frost! That idiot I used to date passed that off as his own work!
D. I fucking hate Robert Frost.

“C, like I said, DOUCHE”

Wow, A really doesn’t like her Ex and she calls him a Douche, but who am I to judge. Anyone who knows Ex-Boyfriend… yeah, I’m in no place to judge. Plus 1

3. In first grade you thought…
A. Boys are icky
B. Boys are cute
C. Girls are cute
D. Girls throw you in the big bathroom stalls

“B, his name was Wesley, I invented a game called chase Wesley. It involved chasing the cute blond hair, blue eyed boy and trying to kiss him. If you are reading this Wesley, I am very sorry. And I still love blond hair and blue eyes.”

A, I completely understand. My Wesley was named Lee, and we put stickers on the sticker chart for our teacher after school. And I was totally head over heels in love with his blond hair. Plus 5

4. If your friend called you in the middle of the night letting you know that she and 20 other people were in the middle of a field about to sacrifice a baby lamb as part of a cult ritual that was very important to them, but she forgot her lamb killing knife at her house, you would go break into her house and bring her the knife?

“Chances are I would already be in the field with friend, and would have made sure we had everything needed for weird cult (I am weirdly organized in projects and work, but not my house. Working on making new house better.) If I wasn't there, I would get it, and feel really hurt and left out, and of course, creeped out and expecting to be invited over to friend's house for a lamb dinner.”

Great answer A. Really, better that I probably would have answered. I was expecting a “yeah sure I’d run over to help you even if you had to brutally murder a poor innocent little lamb”, but you totally one upped my answer by instating that duh, you’d be there with me. Then I got to thinking, “yeah, that’s right.” “If she really is my friend, she would be there with me” Even more awesome is that you are prepared because I am not. Just ask my parents… When I go down to visit them I always forget something! It never fails. And you like to cook. A lamb stew making friend is a good friend to have. Plus 5

Ending with positive 10 points!
Congrats A!