Friday, October 15, 2010

Project Runway Episode 13: Church Camp Feelings, Stress, and Asian Hookers...

Everybody we are down to the final five and this is the last episode until we get to ride along with Tim and see the designers in their natural element called “home”. (Oh God, I’m already shuttering thinking about Gretchen’s Mom.) But first they meet Heidi on the runway and she lets them know that they get to relax for the evening. Although they seem happy to hear this news and even happier when they see the nice hotel suite they get to stay in, you know in the back of their mind’s they are eyeing the pillow cases, curtains, and place mats in case they are surprised with a “relaxing, awesome hotel suite challenge”.

But, there is no challenge and the designers get to sit around, drink Champaign and talk about how lucky they are and how awesome they are and how awesome everyone is. Boring. This is the scene that would have been cut if Project Runway wasn’t like five hours long this season. The only major thing that happens is April starts to cry because she is only 21 and can’t believe she has made it this far and is so excited to get a chance and fashion week and blah, blah, blah… But the tears are pretty damn amazing. I thought she only had two looks: frown and scowl, but apparently “sad emo girl” is in her back pocket just for times like this. Pretty much it’s like Church Camp on the next to last day when you’re so exhausted and then they have the big bonfire and everyone starts crying because like everyone is so happy and loves Jesus so much. Yeah, the night before the last challenge on Project Runway is so like the last night at Church Camp.

Challenge!!!

Tim meets the designers on what looks like the roof of some building, but a nice roof with grass. (It’s weird.) Oh, and Mayor Bloomberg is with him to announce that their inspiration for the final challenge with be NEW YORK! The designers can go anywhere they like and get inspired by any New York landscape, and they get 500$! (Oh and Gretchen is wearing those damn boots again.)

Big Surprise, Michael goes to the Statue of Liberty and is inspired by the draping of her dress. So, I don’t think Michael is a bad designer, but I feel like his looks are all on the boring side and things I’ve seen before. AND HE ONLY EVER MAKES DRESSES!!! I have a feeling he is going to be called out for being a “one note” like Rami a few seasons ago who could only make drapey-drapey dresses and then on the last challenge was inspired by a Roman Statue and made, you guessed it, a drapey gown.

April and Mondo both go to the Brooklyn Bridge, but Mondo is much more stylish with his rainbow umbrella that looks a lot like mine from DC. (I’m just saying.)

Andy heads to Central Park and after staring at the trees for a while he decides, “I just want to do a dress.” At this point I’m so bored I actually want to go into my bedroom and watch The Grand with Boyfriend for the 5000th time.

Gretchen wanders around the Lower East Side (that’s the LES to all you New Yorkers or Gossip Girl fans) and says she is uninspired by this challenge. That’s right y’all, only Gretchen could be under whelmed by the whole of New York City.

Mood!!!

Andy pulls a whole lot of black which kinda bored me because he always uses black, but then the viewers get a better look and they are cool patterns and textures. Gretchen says she wants to make a leather jacket and lets all thank God she doesn’t want to make a leather robe. Tim is already warning Michael not to be literal and make the Statue of Liberty a new dress, but use it as inspiration instead. Tim also tried to get April to use a color that isn’t black. Just as April is wondering back down the Funeral Isle, Mondo comes dashing down the stairs with bright magenta fringe and all is good in the world again.

Workroom!!!

Because there are only five designers left and they just had their Church Camp/We all deserve Fashion Week Cry-athon the night before, everyone is pretty nice in the workroom and only talk bad about the other designers to the cameras individually. Gretchen says Michael reminds her of the designer she was five years ago because he can only make dresses and replications of things he likes. I feel like she has a point here. Michael of course makes two dresses. One looks like a black burka with no head covering and the other looks like it might be for Birthday Cake Barbie, but for her 40th birthday because it’s black. Oh and Mondo is using bright yellow sequins on his black and white tweed dress.

Being the last challenge the designers are freaking out just a bit and dancing around the room with fabric. Michael’s Michael Kors impression is spot on and kinda hilarious. Then Gretchen brings up the fact that Andy’s dress is “just this side of slut” which makes me spit water out my nose just a little. Andy follows up with, “I’ve translated Central Park in to Mi Ling the head waitress at the Sea House who does happy endings.” Well, if the shoe fits…

Day 2 in the Workroom!!!

Gretchen is wearing amazing Comme des Garcons shoes. Mondo decides to ditch the sequins and Tim is fully in favor of the ditching. (Me not so much, I wanted to see them sparkle in the runway lights.) Tim talked to April about her strength in editing and warns Andy not to be slutty or “Real Housewife of New Jersey like”. Gretchen is struggling and feels like she really needs this critique. Tim, always the professional, reminds her to think of her customer and then they hug and make up and become BFFs for life. Well, at least that’s what Gretchen feels. Deep down I know Tim Gunn is still made at her for bullying other designers and pissing him off so much he lost his cool. Yeah we haven’t forgotten…

Tim then brings in the Head Hair Honcho from Garnier to help them with their complete looks. Then follows what might be the funniest thing all season. Okay, so I get it. I get that this show is all about product placement and Ads. There is the Piperlime Accessories Wall, they made clothes for Heidi’s New Balance line… I get it. So Michael takes his model to meet with the Hair Guru and tells him he wants high fashion. He wants couture hair. Which in my mind makes me think of something like this… So what does the Hair Genie do? He pulls out his Garnier Hair Spray and sprays her long hair with 1.5 seconds of hair spray and then Michael goes bananas and is all, “Oh, I love it already!” Damn these Garnier products are amazing!!!

Runway Day!!!

Heidi looks like a sexy J Crew Secretary and our guest judge is Christian Siriano, winner of season 4.

Michael: Don’t get me wrong, I think his dress is very nice. It’s nice, but boring. I know Heidi will be all over that high slit and the back is totally sexy, but I feel like I could make this dress in about 4 hours which means an actual designer should be able to bust this baby out in like 40 minutes. I don’t see the innovation or really the design. The judges absolutely love it. Kors says, “You wanted a show stopper and you got a show stopper.” They say it’s, “effortless Hollywood” and Heidi wants to change into it right there on the runway. So in what might be the upset from the season, Michael is on to Fashion Week. (Oh, and can we all just smile to ourselves because the model has a back fat roll. Yeah, it's tiny, but it's there.)

Gretchen: When her look is walking down the runway she says, “It doesn’t look very high fashion” and I completely agree. It looks a little Kohls to me. I wish the jacket closed more and skirt was shorter. I feel like she should have done more. They had 500 dollars and two days, this looks should be detailed and beautifully crafted and it just isn’t. Remember the Jackie O challenge when she beaded that dress. That was beautiful, this… not so much. Oh and how is this LES? The judges agree. They say she has lost her steam and everyone wonders where her impeccable styling skills went. Christian tries to be nice and says he likes that it’s wearable, but the other judges almost think it’s too wearable. They all know she can do much better than this and she also is sent to Fashion Week.

Mondo: How F-ing adorable is this dress??? I mean just give him his 100,000 dollars already and can go to bed early on Thursdays. Again, his patterns and textures are different, yet work together perfectly. I can’t wait to see this man’s full collection. The judges love it, and Kors brings up the good point that this dress is still very ”Mondo”, but not colorful. Color is not a clutch for him. Mondo is easily on to Fashion Week.

Andy: I don’t hate this like I thought I might. I think it is styled beautifully and it does look cool under the lights because it does look wet or shinny like tar. The back is very architectural and fun. My only worry about Andy is that his line for Fashion Week with be black and dark and depressing. The judges feel the same way and they think he needs to get away from the future warrior girl thing. No one thinks the dress is Central Park, but I guess that doesn’t matter if they like it. Heidi really likes the lines on the dress because they make the model’s body look longer. Nina calls it the “perfect little black dress for a edgy girl.” Andy is through to Fashion Week.

April: This leaves April the young’in. Yes, the top is very cool, but it’s the same top she has used on every design all season long. I think even Peach would be sick of it at this time. I also think that Christian will love this dress and help her move on to Fashion Week as well. Kors quickly calls her out for making the same look every challenge and making her model look like a pregnant witch. Christian likes it, but wonders who her client is and where they are going. They all think its costume-y. Sadly April is the only designer not on her way to Fashion Week. So long April.

Next Time on Project Runway… Tim’s trip to the designer’s homes. The evil black bag makes an appearance, and we learn that only three will actually get to show the collection they’ve been working so hard on. See you then!

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